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Sorry. This is so sad for me to come here and put you through this. I wrote the following piece when I was in grade eight. I thought I'd share it, just to see how you go, and just because I am an extrovert who likes to talk about what he used to be like (used?)...
* * * * *
The Dr. Matthew J. Clayfield
GENERAL STRANGENESS CHECKLIST
OR: ONE HUNDRED WAYS TO TELL IF YOU ARE STRANGE
Author's Note: Sadly, most of these things are based on things that the author, Matthew J. Clayfield, has done (those things are starred). Tick the ones that apply to you to see how you rate.
[list=1][*]You admit to being strange.*[*]You shave your eyebrows off or have done.*[*]You get up in the morning to watch Educational Programming.[*]You het up in the morning to watch Pokemon, or have done.*[*]Your favorite computer program is Microsoft Word.[*]You eat mustard on beetroot.[*]You dress up in a wig and put cocoa on your face and claim to be an 'Ooga Booga Man'.*[*]You fall hopelessly in love and change your personality to suit his/her mood.[*]You wear glasses even when you don't need them.*[*]You often use the word juxtaposition.[*]You wear shoes made by Dunlop.[*]You have appeared in front of your entire school in drag.*[*]You create the newsletter for your school's library.[*]You believe that you can fly.[*]You claim to have invented the question mark.[*]You can play the bagpipes.[*]You feel honored when someone draws upon or stamps your hand.*[*]You read the phone book in your spare time.[*]You dial random numbers on a phone until you get an answer and then ask the receiver if they will be your friend.[*]You fall for someone who is attracted to members of their own sex.[*]You fall for an alsatian.[*]You run around naked screaming, "I am an Indian."[*]You have called someone a "gross sheep".[*]You have been called a "gross sheep".*[*]You are not wearing any pants.[*]You claim to give Bill Gates financial advice.[*]You have given your wallet to someone claiming to be a wallet inspector.[*]You have read the entire Asterix series.*[*]You are friends with a small puddle of brown liquid.[*]You write lists like this in your spare time.*[*]Your pants have come down while skiing.*[*]You use ! three times in every sentence!!!*[*]Your most treasured position is your left foot.[*]You say fiddlesticks.[*]You say excrement instead of excellent.[*]You insist on being carried.[*]You compare yourself to God.*[*]You compare yourself to Hitler.*[*]You bite people.[*]You push on doors that clearly tell you to pull.[*]You ask a cow to marry you.[*]You eat rubber bands.[*]You can't afford a personalised number plate so you change your name to TLX 126.[*]Your favorite film is The Barney Movie.[*]Cars scare you.[*]You are bald and so draw hair on all your photos.[*]School gets out so you go and do chores like sweeping.*[*]You like spam.[*]You sing How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? in public.*[*]Your occupation is that of a leech farmer.[*]You hear voices.[*]You treat butterknifes with "the respect they deserve".[*]You use the word China a a verb.[*]You suck a pacifier (still).[*]You have been visited by Aliens.[*]You have been probed by Aliens.[*]You scream when it rains.[*]You were worried about the Y2K bug.[*]You are a witch.[*]You changed your name to one with eight consanants in a row.[*]You vomit when you see pumpkin soup.[*]You use your shoe as a toilet.[*]You were born with six tongues.[*]You collect aeresol can memorabillia.[*]Drainpipes arouse you.[*]You start a cult.[*]You have climbed Victoria Falls.[*]You laugh at people despite their having obvious problems.*[*]You have obvious problems.*[*]If you had one wish it would involve making love and Fidel Castro.[*]You have been 'intimate' with a mule.[*]You have glued your nose to a camel.[*]You ring the speaking clock for comfort.[*]You have every book written on the history of the wristwatch.[*]You wear clothes with no color coordination or style.*[*]You have baked a cat.[*]You have swum in bacteria infested waters of your own free will.*[*]You have your own International Symbol for Yourself.[*]You have never, ever, ever run with scissors.[*]You shut the door on oppertunity the only time it ever knocked.[*]You get off on pain.[*]You assassinated J.F.K.[*]You know how to play Old MacDonald on a phone. In case you're wondering it's 9997, 887, 99887.*[*]You are a cannibal.[*]You are a vegetarian.[*]You don't eat food.[*]You play video games for eight hours traight without switching the game or moving.*[*]You clap at Church.[*]You are always happy.[*]You believe that imps control your computer.[*]You have recorded your voice onto at least eight forty-five minute cassette tapes speaking whatever crap floats into your mind.*[*]You have created your own line of borwn paper menswear.[*]You have every episode of Sesame Street on tape.[*]You are still not wearing pants.[*]You can hold your breath for two hours straight.[*]You have worn the same clothes day-in-day-out for the past six years.[*]The smell of burning rubber elates you.[*]Your favorite book is The Bible.[*]You lick CD's.[*]You refuse to admit that you are strange, come on! We all are!![/list=1]
Now, tally up your score.
The items in RED are extremley strange things and rate as three points, whereas all other warrant a one.
0 - 20 points
God almighty people...
If you scored below a twenty your either extremley boring, or just plain lying. Go back, do it properly. Haven't baked a cat before, eh? Then out there and live!!
21 - 40
I was here, in this section.
Of course, this is a good score [heh, heh, heh.]
About average oddness. You are weird enough to be laughed out. Odd enough to be interesting, sane enough to avoid [perhaps] ridicule. If you want ridicule, perhaps you should shave your eyebrows off. You'll certainly get ridiculed. Believe me.
I know.
41 - 75
You're a strange person and some people are bound to give you a strange look or two as you walk down the street. Maybe you should put on some pants? You like to think that you're a rebel or an artiste. While you may be called hippies and beatniks by the older population who chase after you with guns, don't worry about it. Chances are they're in this range themselves.
76 - 90
People in this range have low I.Qs and mental problems that make them do things like score with mules. These people oft go into government or drive buses.
91 - 100
Now we're getting to the bottom of the barrel. Perverts, stalkers, people in positions of power where taking a slash in one's shoe is just another day at the office.
101 - 122
If anyone scores over 100 they qualify they are an idiot savant, with countless skills not used correctly; speed reading, amazing memory, things like that.
Either that or they are an absoloute moron with no skills whatsoever.
DISCLAIMER: Anyone who takes this test seriously and a result discover some startling if not scary things about themselves cannot hold Dr. M. Clayfield responsible. This piece was meant to offend and delight and Dr. C can't help the suicides that may branch as a result of the test.
* * * * *
And that was me in 1999.
* * * * *
The Dr. Matthew J. Clayfield
GENERAL STRANGENESS CHECKLIST
OR: ONE HUNDRED WAYS TO TELL IF YOU ARE STRANGE
Author's Note: Sadly, most of these things are based on things that the author, Matthew J. Clayfield, has done (those things are starred). Tick the ones that apply to you to see how you rate.
[list=1][*]You admit to being strange.*[*]You shave your eyebrows off or have done.*[*]You get up in the morning to watch Educational Programming.[*]You het up in the morning to watch Pokemon, or have done.*[*]Your favorite computer program is Microsoft Word.[*]You eat mustard on beetroot.[*]You dress up in a wig and put cocoa on your face and claim to be an 'Ooga Booga Man'.*[*]You fall hopelessly in love and change your personality to suit his/her mood.[*]You wear glasses even when you don't need them.*[*]You often use the word juxtaposition.[*]You wear shoes made by Dunlop.[*]You have appeared in front of your entire school in drag.*[*]You create the newsletter for your school's library.[*]You believe that you can fly.[*]You claim to have invented the question mark.[*]You can play the bagpipes.[*]You feel honored when someone draws upon or stamps your hand.*[*]You read the phone book in your spare time.[*]You dial random numbers on a phone until you get an answer and then ask the receiver if they will be your friend.[*]You fall for someone who is attracted to members of their own sex.[*]You fall for an alsatian.[*]You run around naked screaming, "I am an Indian."[*]You have called someone a "gross sheep".[*]You have been called a "gross sheep".*[*]You are not wearing any pants.[*]You claim to give Bill Gates financial advice.[*]You have given your wallet to someone claiming to be a wallet inspector.[*]You have read the entire Asterix series.*[*]You are friends with a small puddle of brown liquid.[*]You write lists like this in your spare time.*[*]Your pants have come down while skiing.*[*]You use ! three times in every sentence!!!*[*]Your most treasured position is your left foot.[*]You say fiddlesticks.[*]You say excrement instead of excellent.[*]You insist on being carried.[*]You compare yourself to God.*[*]You compare yourself to Hitler.*[*]You bite people.[*]You push on doors that clearly tell you to pull.[*]You ask a cow to marry you.[*]You eat rubber bands.[*]You can't afford a personalised number plate so you change your name to TLX 126.[*]Your favorite film is The Barney Movie.[*]Cars scare you.[*]You are bald and so draw hair on all your photos.[*]School gets out so you go and do chores like sweeping.*[*]You like spam.[*]You sing How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? in public.*[*]Your occupation is that of a leech farmer.[*]You hear voices.[*]You treat butterknifes with "the respect they deserve".[*]You use the word China a a verb.[*]You suck a pacifier (still).[*]You have been visited by Aliens.[*]You have been probed by Aliens.[*]You scream when it rains.[*]You were worried about the Y2K bug.[*]You are a witch.[*]You changed your name to one with eight consanants in a row.[*]You vomit when you see pumpkin soup.[*]You use your shoe as a toilet.[*]You were born with six tongues.[*]You collect aeresol can memorabillia.[*]Drainpipes arouse you.[*]You start a cult.[*]You have climbed Victoria Falls.[*]You laugh at people despite their having obvious problems.*[*]You have obvious problems.*[*]If you had one wish it would involve making love and Fidel Castro.[*]You have been 'intimate' with a mule.[*]You have glued your nose to a camel.[*]You ring the speaking clock for comfort.[*]You have every book written on the history of the wristwatch.[*]You wear clothes with no color coordination or style.*[*]You have baked a cat.[*]You have swum in bacteria infested waters of your own free will.*[*]You have your own International Symbol for Yourself.[*]You have never, ever, ever run with scissors.[*]You shut the door on oppertunity the only time it ever knocked.[*]You get off on pain.[*]You assassinated J.F.K.[*]You know how to play Old MacDonald on a phone. In case you're wondering it's 9997, 887, 99887.*[*]You are a cannibal.[*]You are a vegetarian.[*]You don't eat food.[*]You play video games for eight hours traight without switching the game or moving.*[*]You clap at Church.[*]You are always happy.[*]You believe that imps control your computer.[*]You have recorded your voice onto at least eight forty-five minute cassette tapes speaking whatever crap floats into your mind.*[*]You have created your own line of borwn paper menswear.[*]You have every episode of Sesame Street on tape.[*]You are still not wearing pants.[*]You can hold your breath for two hours straight.[*]You have worn the same clothes day-in-day-out for the past six years.[*]The smell of burning rubber elates you.[*]Your favorite book is The Bible.[*]You lick CD's.[*]You refuse to admit that you are strange, come on! We all are!![/list=1]
Now, tally up your score.
The items in RED are extremley strange things and rate as three points, whereas all other warrant a one.
0 - 20 points
God almighty people...
If you scored below a twenty your either extremley boring, or just plain lying. Go back, do it properly. Haven't baked a cat before, eh? Then out there and live!!
21 - 40
I was here, in this section.
Of course, this is a good score [heh, heh, heh.]
About average oddness. You are weird enough to be laughed out. Odd enough to be interesting, sane enough to avoid [perhaps] ridicule. If you want ridicule, perhaps you should shave your eyebrows off. You'll certainly get ridiculed. Believe me.
I know.
41 - 75
You're a strange person and some people are bound to give you a strange look or two as you walk down the street. Maybe you should put on some pants? You like to think that you're a rebel or an artiste. While you may be called hippies and beatniks by the older population who chase after you with guns, don't worry about it. Chances are they're in this range themselves.
76 - 90
People in this range have low I.Qs and mental problems that make them do things like score with mules. These people oft go into government or drive buses.
91 - 100
Now we're getting to the bottom of the barrel. Perverts, stalkers, people in positions of power where taking a slash in one's shoe is just another day at the office.
101 - 122
If anyone scores over 100 they qualify they are an idiot savant, with countless skills not used correctly; speed reading, amazing memory, things like that.
Either that or they are an absoloute moron with no skills whatsoever.
DISCLAIMER: Anyone who takes this test seriously and a result discover some startling if not scary things about themselves cannot hold Dr. M. Clayfield responsible. This piece was meant to offend and delight and Dr. C can't help the suicides that may branch as a result of the test.
* * * * *
And that was me in 1999.
__________________
www.esotericrabbit.com
www.esotericrabbit.com
Nice thread, Matty. I like it.
Only if they ask 
