I'm rather Shy, but Hello!

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Registered User

03-13-04

That's ok, thanks for your openness, you get rep points from me.

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Aniko

Put me in your pocket...

03-15-04

Originally Posted by CrazyforMovies

I couldn't cry to anyone for help, but in 1979, i decided to leave home. I lived on the streets for a while with my sister. We decided that the hate our stepfather and the humalition that he was so proud of ..gave way for my sister and i to leave. To run away and run away we did, we thank God di not go to drugs or any other behavours that led to destruction. Instead we had to find our childhood, because for ten years prior to that he beat us so hard that the pain stays with me today.

It's sensless being abused, however the way I escaped was that I emersed myself into movies, Animal House, Grease, the Rose, anything to elude the suffering of my youth, it took a long time to love and to love anyone. Where I though was my guardian Angel someone who could save me from such an abusive person. My father died when I was six and my stepfather made sure or tried to rip his image from my memories he tore my fathers pictures, my father was my James Dean, he was just that attractive.

One regret is that I did not finish school, I was bright I loved school, but no one was there to give me support as childrend today are so given everything, I was glad to sleep somewhere safe, without being called names, such as whore,lesbian,pig. At ten years old I used to cringe at those words..for a long time I could not listen to those words without tink I was one. Now I ' m a mom and looking at my angels its beyond words as to why? someone can or hated me so much as a child. The lose of education is my biggest regret for everyone of my peers has luxuries because of the opportunity their parents gave them. I am admant to give my children everything I did not get. So here I grieve for my loss of great education.

Crazy....I'm sorry to hear you've had such an abused and tough life. You should be proud of yourself for not just surviving, but for also thriving. You're blessed wih two daughters and by the sounds of it, giving them plenty of love and instilling the importance of education. Can you go back and take an equivalency exam for your diploma?

I'm curious...where was your mom when your step-dad was abusing you? And, do you keep in touch with her now?

As far as the luxuries your peers have....don't get caught up in the ...living up to the Jones' mentality. I know it's hard not to look around at what your friends may have and you don't and what they can give their kids....but no matter what you have...it's never enough. Your love and attention is more important to your kids than what money can buy. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true.

Good luck to you.

piddzillas_girl

misskat2u

03-15-04

Hi Crazy and welcome. Stay around a while. Mofo is addicting!

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CrazyforMovies

Jackie Blue

03-16-04

Aniko, thanks for your kind words. I am going to go to a College here in Canada, it's called Sheridan College. It's on a part time basis and you are required to take Gr.12 English and Math (math is the devil for me), however it tests your level and depending on the results of those exams, I get to go at the 'mature student' level. Which is good, it's a all around office Administration certificate, hopefull I can get into an offfice(yuk, I had office structure) however sometimes you can get lucky and work in a pretty nice office. So those are much goals for now. The tingling for going to College is overwhelming. It' like I'm a kid in a candy store, finnally I can be like everyone else! I love College.

You know Aniko, so many kids that have the milestones in life don't realize how lucky they are. It's even sometime so simply as going to College it must be totally fun. The course is in installments ; there are six different applicants like business writing(i love writing, I always wanted to further myself there) and all Excel, Power Point, Microsoft. It's all around 1500CDN$, it's amazing there are oportunities, NEVER give up on school, it you national key to freedom and self expression, dont you think.

You asked about my mom, yes she was there when my step-father used his immese force to hit us, she tried to be a barrier and it never worked. It's madness you have to think about the choices you make in life. Life dealt a blow to my mom losing my dad and making the ultimate mistake of mariing this guy at this point she had two more children with him. And it was the sixties ; she felt very trapped, because we came from Europe; I guess she did not have the courage to leave him with four children which I completely understand.

However I will say this that it has taught me that like you said, love , understanding is key to loving your kids. It is important. Very important, I got the courage to leave in 1979, and never looked back, some other kids could of gone the drug way. I met my husband in 1981, and waited to marry him, because I was could not believe that he liked me and I waited see what kind of guy he was. There are some amazing men out there and he is one, so I got lucky, but I waited to see, I didn't want a guy that was abusive. Kids today are much more smarter; and there is more out there ; and more people to talk to. Thanks for your very kind post Aniko.

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CrazyforMovies