it has nothing to to with movies, but sure with relationship

Truth hurts, but it has to be said sometimes.

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"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work." - Mitch Hedberg

It's working good so far.

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Everything is destined to reappear as simulation.
Jean Baudrillard
America, 1988

I agree with Sades, but this girl does seem to be being dishonest whether she likes Burton or not. She shouldn't say it is ok for him to call her if it isn't. Maybe she changed her mind? In that case, I think she should have had the guts to let Burton down herself, instead of running to her boyfriend.

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One of the biggest myths told is that being intelligent is the absence of the ability to do stupid things.

I got the impression that she didn't run to her boyfriend...burton called, and the boyfriend picked up the phone. Said boyfriend had every right to tell burton not to call anymore...that's his girl and clearly, burton was not trying to just be "friends". He also disrespected the boyfriend by telling him," I'll just try again later." In the boyfriend's shoes...that sounds like a threat.

I agree with Firegod and SB ...

the most recent melodrama of my life had me taken and unhappy in a relationship. nice boy comes along. i tell him, straight up, very nicely, very sweetly - Hey, just wanna let you know up front - I'm attached. That's it, kaboom. IF he's thinking along those lines he knows not to touch me (like SB said) until I let him know the coast is clear.

Unless a woman is a skank she's going to feel extreme guilt regarding having any entanglement with an outside person while attached and if kind and genuinely interested in you is going to want to get to know you as a FRIEND and will only want to follow platonic boundaries. You touch her and you get scorched - you're right, SB, because that shows you can't follow rules and if you can't follow them now, why would you be able to do so later? It's being selfish to expect her to drop what she's in the middle of. The universe does not revolve around your desire for her.

However, in this situation, our friend Burton didn't KNOW she had a guy. Bad girl not to tell him this on their little walk. If she's wrong, it's no biggie - better to get that out in the air. It only makes a girl look more desirable anyway, to say she's taken, and if she's gracious about it, makes her definitely appear moral. No boy wants a cheater. You think you do, but you don't. You get a skank and you'll regret it. You want a well behaved girl who sticks by her man, even if it ISN'T you.

She should have told him. Telling him it was OK to call was her clear "go" sign. We are going to assume, then, that Burton knows you need to take it slow and get to know a girl which equals FRIEND status and can develop into dating/girlfriend status. This was only, as you noted, the first exchange. So you call her. A couple times. You should really have stopped calling at 10 pm, i mean, regardless if you know she's partying if no one's answering - try ANOTHER time. What, did you think she was gonna invite you over and get kinky? I think not.

Now, her boyfriend answers. No, you do not know what the deal is and you're shocked. Whatever he says, don't antagonize the guy, it's not his fault he beat you to her. I hope, also, that you're not thinking of being with her WHILE she's with another person because frankly, it'll get old fast and you'll regret it and it WILL end badly.

Now, if you've already been given the "go" as a FRIEND you should have let him know you're just a friend and she told you to call. You have clearance, you're not some stalker freak. She should not be ashamed of that and her bf shouldn't trip because she's not his property. When you see her Monday - do not be needy, hurt or confused. This will not help matters. Just be open, smiling, kind, but ready to drop her if she turns out to be a player. Say - "Hey, what was up with Friday night, I gave a call like you asked and got some flack from your boyfriend. What's up with that?" Don't get all angry or accusational because she didn't tell you about him (though she should have).

Depending on her answer, you'll see that 1) she doesn't want to continue cuz he's mad or hurt or whatever 2) got caught but wants to sneak around and therefore is an iffy girl and not one you really want to pursue or 3) there was just a mixup, it's all ok, but she only wants to be your FRIEND. if you two ever develop into more it'll be HER job to let you know the coast is clear.

whew. patti ... about signals. signals are there, yes, but we all speak a universal language with LOTS of dialects. What for one person is a come hither smile is for another just a pleasant smile. The number one way to reach an understanding so time isn't wasted and feelings aren't raised then dashed is - communicate. SPEAK. It doesn't hurt to say what's on your mind as kindly and gently as possible. Then ADD signal reading and you have the best of both and that's as surefire as you can get.

sades, i disagree, he had no right to tell him not to call. If it's 1) her phone, her place, 2) the girl told him to call - then it's perfectly fine for him to and the boyfriend has no right to manage who her friends are and who calls her, especially if she invited the person to. Like I said - she's not his property.

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life without movies is like cereal without milk. possible, but disgusting. but not nearly as bad as cereal with water. don't lie. I know you've done it.

but it's her cellphone and when i call her, she'll see my telephone number and will know that it's me.

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open your eyes.. can't you see?

wooah!

THANK YOU! I mean it, i really do.


hopefully i see her tomorrow..
and i'll tell you the results then

wish me luck

What?!

Are you not listening? Did you not listen to what Thmilin said?!
She's not condoning your behavior and telling you to go out and go for it!!

I'm getting the wrong vibe, hopefully, but what the Hell do you mean wish me luck?!

Holy God. I'm sitting here smashing my head against the wall. Honest to God. It's going to get sore come Winter....

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www.esotericrabbit.com

um, i didn't read all the previous posts, but my advice to burton is that you should just forget about her in any romantic situation and explore platonic friendship (life for guys is tough, isn't it?)

it probably won't be as bad as you think it will be, and it's better than the thorough self-administered a$$ kicking you would give yourself if you tried to push something that doesn't belong.

also, don't be mad for yourself for misreading girls. i do it. you do it. every guy in existance does it. girls are tough to interpret sometimes. every girl reading this right now will think "no we're not" or become offended, but it's not a bad thing that girls are difficult to understand. it's just how it is, i'm not complaining or insulting anyone. not to brag, but i'm only partially good at it because i've been through crappy stuff and learned. and i'm clueless part of the time, too.

guys and girls are so so so drastically different, you will find yourself on an alternate wave-length most of the time. communication is key.

and if all else fails, every guy who has ever lived has gone through what you are now. we got your back.

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Wit is educated insolence - Aristotle

oh, and what the hell's up with silver bullet's sarcastic "crickets chirping..... " "get to know her, duh!!!" comments?

i'm disappointed you didn't give burton the support he needs. you make it sound as if he clearly had his head up his a$$ the whole time.

burton -

the truth is silver bullet, myself, you, and everyone else with a set of male genitalia is confused, has been confused, or will be confused at one point or another. like i said, the only reason i can come somewhat close to understanding girls is because i've made bonehead plays and had my heart crushed a thousand times.

what you did wasn't stupid. i feel for you, my friend. as guys, we're all in this together.

well.. i just asked that what was it all about, nothig else. And 'wish me luck' because i didn't know what answer i was going to get.

and finally.. the aswer:
fist thing she did was covering her face with her hands.. like she was ashamed or smthin.. then comes this 'lie': "i was really sleepy this day and i didn't answer to my phone, because i was sleeping." (but she wasn't mad or angry or smthin that i called her, more like happy. she only asked that what i was told by 'him', but she didn't say, that it was her bf. dunno)
I think it's a lie, because her boyfriend told me that she was sitting next to him, not laying there or smthin.
but.. perhaps she wasn't lieing about this sleeping thingy. i don't know really.
and then i just walked away by saing: i'll have another walk with you sometime


and now, i don't know what should be the right thing to say to her. I think that i should tell her to call me, when she isn't 'sleepy' or smthing. and im going to do this, of course if you guys think it's a good idea .


btw, BrodieMan, thnx for support

Uh...I give up.

Want my advice? Steer clear. She sounds like a loser, and she sounds like she has a trained half-wit (I don't mean you) at her beck and call. Let it be.

that's what I'm sayin' firegod.

Yeah, SB, i was encouraging him to find out what the dealy-o was and gave him 3 options depending on the answer he got. but anyway, from the results, the doctor diagnoses:

1. The girl likes that you like her and may like you back.
2. The girl is taken and should, if she's going to play the game of having a platonic friend and a boyfriend, know how to handle herself. Considering you guys are in school, I can understand how she hasn't developed those skills yet so ...
3. She is out of her depth. She has played her boyfriend. SHe has played you. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's obviously made a mess of things. It is NOT worth reparing.

So, be pleasant and kind - never burn bridges with a girl - however, no, this one is not worth pursuing or worth YOUR time. I know you get all caught up in hormones but honestly - she is not worth it. Maybe months from now she'll break up, grow up, come to you and apologize. But you can't worry about her character when you're busy trying to develop yours.

Brodieman, you're right, and i'm not offended - and guys, GOOD guys, guys who aren't blatant (which is what a girl really wants) are hard to read, too. I'm in the middle of that now, trying to read a boy. Headache city.

But yes, number one rule, which men call bull crap, is friendship. Go to askmen.com - I agree with a lot of what they say. However, a guy friend who becomes a friend because he CAN'T become more - and they both KNOW it - definitely has an in. This lets you two get to know each other, see if you click, and if you don't - you don't pursue when she's free and you're still friends, and yay all around. but if you DO ... well, you control yourselves until she's truly free and if she wants and is ready and you're not taken by some other female yourself ... then you um ... get jiggy with it.

if i could, thmilin, rate your post from 1-10..


id give you 11

what can i say more.. thank you again, for your support and everything

aww, thank you. you're very welcome.

As I said I thought getting to know a person was a given.
What's with your comments. We're all in this together. I would expect you to give me encouragement...

I've been through what he's been through before, a girl with a boyfriend wise, but I've always thought that getting to know the person was the first rule. Otherwise it's just lust. Or something along those lines. I'm not going to encourage someone to screw up someone's relationship and then their own relationship in the process, thanks all the same.

well, anyway, burton just made a mistake, there's no crime in that. it's obvious it's not exactly the "perfect match". i think burton's gonna be fine now.

yeah.. i'm fine. sort of