Top 10 List Of Your Most Hated Movie Goers

1. Mr. Laugh A. Lot – You’re watching a comedy movie when suddenly out of nowhere someone laughs HAHAHA out loud HAHAHA like there’s no tomorrow!! You shrug the whole thing off as it stops but then, WHAM!! HAHAHA This guy never stops HAHAHA laughing and he doesn’t seem to HAHAHA care, you just silently curse the guy in your head.

2. Ol’ Clappers – Here’s a great scene, you’re in the mood, the climax starts up, everyone is intently watching, then you hear It.. CLAP CLAP… WTF??!!! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!! This guy is so amazed by the scene/climax he decided to clap at the movie!! (You rarely see this guy but he’s out there, waiting for that perfect scene to ruin or CLAP on, in his case)

3-4. Mr./Mrs. Let’s Make Out Right Here Right Now – (Don’t tell me you haven’t seen them?!) Yeah that’s right! You’re intently watching this great movie when this couple in front/beside (worse!) suddenly decides to exchange tongues like hell!! The saliva glimmers in the dark, squishing sounds inserts in those silent moments and you’re either distracted or worse… in heat!!

5. Chipper – the most common of them all, Old Chipper. Chipper likes Chips. chipper is a F#$%ing pig of a man. Chipper never closes his G#@ D@^$ mouth!!! To top it all up Chipper makes a lot of (**Insert Curse here**) Noise!!!

6. The Head – Yes, You can’t escape from this guy, you will meet him eventually. You probably met his dad, mom or sister while watching other movies. This guy is easy to spot, I bet he’s always there in your cinema, probably not in front of you but He’s there, annoying the crap out of somebody with his GYNORMOUS head!!

7. Mr. Piss A. Lot - another part of the infamous Lot family, this guy will sit in the middle of the row and will stand up constantly (and I mean “what AGAIN?!!”) to relieve himself. Making his way back and forth to his seat. He has thimble for kidneys and usually holds a gigantic soda cup, slurping away the drink that will eventually make him piss again. The cycle will continue until he eventually drinks it all up or the movie ends.

8. The Spoiler – Oh you know it!! You’ve met him!! You don’t see him inside the cinema, you will probably meet him either in the line, buying the tickets, in the restroom, or worse you meet him while he’s leaving and you’re entering the cinema (70% of the time)! 2 Hours of film ruined by a single line!

9. Mr. Hello Motto – It was the silent part of the movie, the build up of the scene out standing, everyone is quiet and waiting for that kiss/monster/line to show. Then RING!! “Hello?! Hello?! Hello?!” – Now Who the!.. What the!.. Where the F$%k did that come from!! Damage has been done, the scene was ruined! So simple yet so lethal.

10. The Gang – The sum of all fears!! They’ve got it all from slobs to annoying critters who talks a lot!! You usually see them at the back and they come in numbers so beware, these are the guys that didn’t pay to watch the movie but paid to annoy the living crap out of ALL you!! (Note: you rarely see them during weekdays its when the week ends when they strike!! Something about no school or rest day?!!)

Just wanted to share!! hahaha ever met them??!!

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how about Mr. Angry...the guy who feels the need to yell at all of your top 10 most hated movie goers, which only worsens the experience for everyone else!

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Bravo!! haha missed that one!

I don't mind clapping from time to time. Especially at the end of an especially good film.

Anyway, a lot of the choices (such as people who leave their cell phone ringers on) are universally loathed, and probably right at the top of everyone's lists, so here are a few subtler choices:


The Guy Who Sends Text Messages
More considerate than the fellow who leaves his ringer on, this person doesn't realize that cell phones have ridiculously bright, lucid screens these days, and that with stadium-style seating I can see his screen from 6 rows away.

One person was just one row in front of me, and the screen was so bright I could read the text message they were sending.


The People Who Talk During Previews
Though not as bad as people who talk during the movie itself, these people keep talking even though the lights are dimmed and the audience is clearly interested in the trailers.


The People Who Try to Make Each Other Laugh
This is an admitted derivative of people who simply talk. I had two jokers behind me during Spider-Man 3. Just two young guys trying to crack each other up. This might have been okay, if their "jokes" weren't completely juvenile and not even remotely amusing. I had to turn around and tell them to keep it down at one point.

Seriously, guys: just because your mom didn't take you to a proper comedy, it doesn't mean you should attempt to create your own.


That's all that comes to mind for now.

The Guy Who Repeats Out Loud Every Line He Thought Was Funny

Ruined My simpsons screening. Laughing is okay. Otherwise, shut the hell up.

The Wrapper Crinkler

The Seat Kicker

The Straw-Sucker When There's Nothing Left in the Cup

The "Oh, I've Been There" Location Spotter
Nobody cares if you once stayed at that hotel or ate in that restaurant where this movie was filmed, so file it away and relay that fascinating bit of information AFTER the movie.

The "What Else Have I Seen That Actor In?"
The idiot who must turn to the person or people they are with and ask what they might know that actor or actress from. Then the people with them have to go down their filmography right then and there until the person's memory is jogged. Look it up on the IMDb when you get home and shut the fu*k up.

The Read Signs Alouder
For example, on an exterior establishing shot feels compelled to say "Cook County Hospital" or whatever, just in case anybody missed such of piece of trivial information.



Of these the one I would endorse the death penalty for is The Wrapper Crinkler. There's nothing more obnoxious to me than the sound of cellophane during a movie. Plus for some unknown reason most of these idiots think it's better to unwrap slowly and have it be a three-to-five-minute affair rather than just do it in one quick motion and be done with it. Theaters shouldn't sell candy in cellophane, and if they do they should remove it for the customer at the counter before they leave. This doesn't do squat for those who bring their own, of course, but for cripe's sake UNWRAP THE FU*KING CANDY BEFORE THE GAH-DAMN MOVIE STARTS!

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"Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film." - Frank Capra

That's me. Although, I'm not sure if I've ever done that in a theatre. I usually buy a large drink and save it to the very end. Unless, of course, it's a 3 hour movie. I'm sorry, but I really love to drink and sometimes, if it's a certain drink (something you'd have to make, like a flavored coffee beverage) there's a stronger flavor at the very end from a buildup of chemicals. You gotta suck it up and enjoy it. Then, trash.

I'll add a few more, which are related to one another:


People Who Take Kids And Don't Watch Them
Seriously, how hard is it? Sit near the kids and make sure they don't go kicking seats and yelling. It's not difficult.

A couple months ago I got stuck behind a little kid who kept on kicking my seat. I'm not going to yell at him, because he's just a little kid and probably doesn't know much better. But the lady who brought him to the movie ought to have. And if you have so many kids with you that you can't keep an eye on all of them...then don't bring them all to the movies.

I've got no problems with kids being at the movies. If they're old enough and can keep fairly quiet, I'm all for it. For certain movies, their laughter and excitement can really add to the atmopshere and be very pleasant. But seat kicking and talking loudly are past the line under every circumstance.


People Who Take Their Kids And Talk To Them
Some people take the kids, pay attention to them, but don't know better themselves. I once sat near a guy whose kid had lots of questions about the movie, as kids often do. Never mind that some of the questions were kind of absurd (yes, even for a little kid)...what was unbelievable was that the dude just answered the kid again and again in a perfectly audible voice! No attempt to keep the conversation quiet or even tell the kid to wait until after the movie. They were practically having a conversation.


People Who Take Kids To Mature Films
I see this one a lot. Some of it's borderline, like PG-13 films with explosions and coarse language. But some of it's ridiculous; horror films and the like. There was a kid sitting behind me during Alien vs. Predator, for crying out loud. Believe it or not, it was the same kid from the example just before this one.


I think I'd second that, with a temporary reprieve for those who at least wait for an especially loud part of the movie. Why someone would wait for a completely silent moment to unleash that noise is beyond me.

Totally disagree. I have become Mr. Angry after trying to silently endure the morons around me, but at some point when you realize they aren't going to stop talking or doing whatever they're doing, it's time to tell them to shut the fu*k up. Since the days of actual ushers who walk through the theater and keeping people civil has long since vanished, we are left to police ourselves. I'll give the ol' turn-around-pointed-glare at least two or three times before I'll say anything aloud, but when it comes right down to it some people need to be embarrassed into being polite. Sad, but true.

The VCR and now DVD has ruined the movie watching experience. People watch most of the movies they see at home, on their couch, able to talk and eat and take phonecalls and make whatever noise they want. They take that same attituide and learned behavior with them to the cinema. It's annoying as Hell, and the theater chains couldn't care less. The only line of defense is to speak up. If that makes me Mr. Angry, so be it, but my outburst will be a one-time event versus putting up with a chatty, inconsiderate, noisy idiot for virtually the entire film.


Frankly I don't have to deal with too too many idiots because I see movies at odd times and/or generally see films that attract actual adults. While adults most certainly can be just as annoying as anybody, we all know it's the under-twenty-five set who are the most consistent offenders, especially when in groups of three or more. But frankly there aren't scores of sixteen and nineteen-year-olds going to see most of the arthouse fare I most regularly attend. If I do pony up dough to go see a Spider-Man or whatever the blockbuster of the week is, I know going in the rude to polite ratio goes way, way up, thus my tolerance is at a higher level.

But the two rudest people I've ever had to deal with in theaters were both adults (and both women, for the record) and at arthouses. One was a woman who sat behind me during Brokeback Mountain at a theater here in Portland, OR and opened and closed her popcorn bag every twenty to sixty seconds. She would take a handful of popcorn, eat it, then noisly and obnoxiously roll up the bag and place it on the floor. Then in less than a minute she would pick the bag up, noisly unroll it, and start the cycle all over again. This is the reason I don't carry a gun, because I think I would have had to shoot her. At least in the foot.

And THE single most obnoixious was a woman who sat behind me in a Washington D.C. theater that was screening the documentary The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. She brought her fu*king knitting to the movies! I didn't even know what the Hell that noise was for quite a while, thinking the metallic clicking was the air conditioner unit or maybe even a busted projector. When I realized it was the twit behind me doing her knitting, I seriously wanted to stab her in the eyes with those needles. The movie theater is not yer damn living room, folks.


So, yeah, Chief. They call me MISTER Angry!

I don't care if you get the last bit at the bottom, but for the love of Pete TAKE OFF THE DAMN LID AND TIP THE CUP TO YOUR LIPS RATHER THAN USE THE STRAW.

'Kay?

The Wrapper Crinkler

The Seat Kicker

The Straw-Sucker When There's Nothing Left in the Cup

--> hahaha the classics!! nice addition!!

I support parents who take their kids to horror movies. I cherish the memory of my mommy taking me to see Friday the 13th part 8 only weeks before I started kindergarten. There was a guy dressed up as Jason stalking the aisle. I saw lots of horror films before I turned 17.

I've seen Alien Vs. Predator and it wasn't that horrific at all. Very suitable for a six year old, I say. Of course, not every kid can stand them. But teach them that it's just pretend -- all special effects, makeup, nobody really dying.

Now, I'm not sure about taking little kids to something like Showgirls (which, you actually can't, since it's NC-17) or Basic Instinct... kids won't really be interested in that stuff, anyway. Well, they might, but the way I was raised was things like horror is okay. Kids can be fascinated by it. Sexy movies are for older folks.

That's actually never crossed my mind... I will do that then.

Well, I might do it... what if I can't see well in the dark and I end up spilling something on my shirt because I took off the lid? Such a dilemma, then...

Yeah, violence is totally cool for kids to see. What little five year old shouldn't see two campers slammed against a tree in a duffel bag? But there is no way kids should be allowed to see nudity! That's awful. Good parents know you can allow your kids to see all the violence and killing they want, but if you let your kids see some nudity, you are a horrible parent and social services should be called post haste!

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"What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present." - T.S. Eliot

I've got some good ones for this, but I don't have the time to post them right now. Tonight, it's game time...it's PAIN time!!

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"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work." - Mitch Hedberg

I too have become Mr. Angry on more than one occasion...but usually found that in more times than not, it accomplished nothing...these idiots know they're idiots...they usually just choose not to care

...Id also like to add:

Mr. I Like To Leave Gum On The Seat

Mr. I Need To Run To The Back Seat As SOON As The Doors Open...who is the not too distant relative of

Mr. I Need To Storm Out of The Theatre As SOON As The Movie Ends, Budding In Front of People If Need Be, Just To Get To My Car The 1 Minute Quicker

Mrs. I Quite Frequently Jump Out of My Seat At Scary Parts But Insist I Still Eat Popcorn

and finally

Mr. I Try To Leave Exactly One Seat Between Me & The Next Movie Goer, On Opening Night, Even Though I KNOW This Movie Will Sell Out

grrrrrrr

I had a really long, drawn out, hilarious response to this, but the damn thing asked me to sign in after I hit "Make Post Go Now" (even though I already was logged in!) and I lost it.

So... I now leave this discussion.

Of course the one at the top of my list is...

Mrs. I know they said turn your phones off, but I'm special and I can leave my phone on. I had an incident like this at an advanced screening for Knocked Up the lady even had the nerve to pretend like it wasn't hers, looking around with that "someone sure has some nerve" look.

Mr. Make my kid cry and then storm out leaving them to walk slowly out of the theatre still crying. Met this gentleman at Transformers.

Mrs. I need to buy every single item from the concession stand cause this movie will be a long one all 90 minutes of it. I think she sits next to or is the Wrapper Crinkler.

The kid, or adult for that matter, that seems to think they need to be The Flash and bolt in and out of the theatre so they don't miss any good parts.

Another vote for The irresponsible parent who takes their kid to innappropriate movies. Here is another one I ran into at Knocked Up.

The "I don't know how to use anti-persperant" person. I think we can all throw down a vote for that one.

The couple that has to sit down right in front of you. Even when there is a theatre full of empty seats, they choose the ones in front of you.

I think that's it for now.

Im afraid i am personally guilty of this one. I usually try to take care of natural callings beforehand, but things happen.

luckily i am a ninja and no one sees me leave or re-enter.

Mr/Mrs We Like Fighting inside the Cinema - just met these guys once though, can believe they decided to fight inside the cinema!! WTF?!!!! they fought for about 10 min, pausing from time to time and thank God they finally went out!

Jeez people!! do everyone a favor JUST LEAVE!!