Kubrick

Me and my friend have a theory about the well known MASTER of film making. Stanley Kubrick.

Me is(was) an old pathetic pervert who has a dirty mind and was topped by speilbery to get his movie A.I.

A conversation between the two:
Int. SPEILBERG CAR.

Steven and Stanley are driving down a mountain road.

STEVEN
So, after this movie Eye's wide shut, what are you doing?

STANLEY
I've decided to try other A.I.

STEVEN
A.I!

Steven jumps out of the car and lets Stanley fall over a cliff to his doom. Steven watches the wreck.

STEVEN
Its mine now!

That dialogue was so witty, so real, so comprehendible, it almost seemed like I was there.

If you'd like to poke around an older thread on this subject and contribute this hysterical scenario to it, click HERE.

__________________
"Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film." - Frank Capra

Some dialogue at the filming of 2001: A Space Oddessy.

Int. Board room- studio

Stanley is seated around a table with some producers and script writer.

STANLEY
So where are we up to today?

PRODUCER
We are doing the final scene. If you would look at this and tel me if (writer) has done a good job.

Stanley has a look at the script.

STANLEY
So he goes into the bedrom and sees him, older? Fascinating, people will be in thought.

WRITER
I figger we should leave the audience something to think about.

STANLEY
Really? What does it mean any way?

WRITER
Nothing, its just a load of bollocks.

STANLEY
Well, if its bollocks, throw in a naked baby as well!

PRODUCER
What? Now Stanley, remember that chat I had with you. If you get into that again, I will call the police.

STANLEY
No, its a thing of significance. It signifies creation!

PRODUCER
Are you sure?

STANLEY
Possitive! Trust me, I promised!

PRODUCER
Alright, would that be good(writer)

WRITER
Its fantastic!

The producer and writer walk out to fix up the script, tanley is sweating and whips away the sweat and loks relieved. He mouths the word yes and punches the air.



Like I said people, dirty!

Are these things you think happened, or actual things. I mean come on. Seems a little silly to me.

__________________
"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work." - Mitch Hedberg

Are you like a professional comedy writer? Not only are these scenarios making my sides hurt from all the sustained laughter (and boy are they), but they also make so much sense!

By the way, Kubrick co-wrote the 2001: A Space Odyssey script himself, with (writer) Arthur C. Clarke. Kubrick also produced 2001: A Space Odyssey by himself. So even though it seemed at first like you don't have any idea what you're rambling about and maybe you're just some kid who doesn't get these movies at all so you awkwardly try to be sarcastic & critical, it could really conceivably be a conversation between the voices in Stan Kubrick's own stupid head! That would start to explain why all his movies are so dumb and go so far over my head anyway.

So man, keep 'em comin'! How about one for how silly and "faggy" a single eyelash looks on (actor) Malcolm McWhatever-his-name-is in A Clockwork Orange, or how long it takes to light so many darn candles in Barry Lyndon, or if there should be so much fu*king cursing by the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket?!?

Oh, whatever you choose next (surprise me), I'm confident it will be on the same level comedically and basic intelligence-wise as these first two remarkable mini scripts....Very confident.

You want more stanley's life do you! Alright, let me think about it.

Yes! Yes! More, please! These first two are so smart and so well written, I can't hep but laugh out loud!

I sincerely think this fella who calls himself WriterDirector (wait, it's only Writerdirect. Is this one of his hysterical trademark typos, or is this more clever wordplay: "write-OR-direct"?), his musing are the funniest thing I've come across in years. The guy is even funnier than Carrot Top, and I didn't think that was possible!

How does he do it? That 's what I want to know.

Dude, I only hope that in our lifetimes you are recoginzed as the comic genius you so obviously are. You've got a big fan in me, that's for sure.

I don't know Holden, your wittisisms and sarcastic hilarities have always had me in stiches. Even right now, I gotta say, you've got a gift.

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www.esotericrabbit.com

sar-cas-tic.

Hmmm, I don't have any idea what that word means, but if it's the same as "sincere", then yes, my adulation is indeed 'sarcastic'.

You should write a humorous book about your experiences Holden.

I'd buy it.

Now people! I don't care who likes my writing or is sarcastic, I just do what I like to do best. Writing is my art so don't knock it.

He is another one.

INT. CO-WRITERS HOUSE.

Stanley and his Co writer for A Clockwork Orange are seated around the typewriter.

STANLEY
So we have a Gang rape, Gang bang, Gang orgie and also a Gang beat up some poor old man. What do we need?

CO-WRITER
What?

STANLEY
WHAT DO WE NEED?

CO-WRITER
Oh, sorry, my left ear has ben playing up today. I should get that checked out.

STANLEY
You should, I don't want it going at such an important time. Okay, what else do we need?

CO-WRITER
Nothing really, we got the whole karma Sutra in this film.

STANLEY
Good work, good stuff! Well, I better go now. Just post that off the the producer as soon as you can Okay.

CO-WRITER
Right you are.

Stanley gets up, stretches and goes to leave.

CO-WRITER
Wait on a second, what are we going to call it? You haven't told me.

STANLEY
Ah! Yes. I have a perfect one. I will call it A **** work's the Orgies! That is a great one. Goodbye

Stanley goes out of the room. The Co-Writer has a puzzled expression on his face.

CO-WRITER
What? Oh damn. Now what did he say, A cooko, coco, clock! Yes, A Clockwork Orange!

He types out the title, posts it and goes to bed.




How was that?

That **** is another word for a rooster.

Wow, that's your least accurate and most difficult to follow yet! By all means, keep 'em coming.

Kubrick didn't have a co-writer on A Clockwork Orange, he wrote the script himself. And he didn't make up any of it, including the title. It is an adaptation of Anthony Burgess' acclaimed novel, also called A Clockwork Orange.

The basic lack of facts aside, your scenarios are jam-packed with wit. The care and craft that so obviously go into these little plays make it crystal clear that writing MUST be your art.

A C0ck Works the Orgies. Ha! Great stuff.

How do you know so much about stanley kubrick?

Really, steven speilberg did not kill stanley kubrick, and he is not a child mallester, well, not sure about that one.

How do I know which movies Stanley Kubrick wrote and produced and directed? Well, I've seen them all many times and I pay attention to the credits, I guess. Surely I must be some kind of scholar or trivia wiz to know A Clockwork Orange was based on a novel.

I don't have the faintest idea what your molestation crack is about, but seeing as its coming from someone who expresses themselves so eloquently and has such a firm grasp of the facts, I think I can probably let it stand as is.



I suppose a good follow up question for you is simply this: how do you know so little about Stanley Kubrick?

So little! Well, lets just say I have seen all of half of one of his films! I really want to get his movies to watch, but I haven't got access to Optus and its been a while since I went to the video store. Plus, I am under 18 so it may be hard to hire out the R rated ones.

It's hard to believe that you're only sixteen and have seen but half of one Kubrick film. Judging from the posts in this thread you seemed so mature and full of knowledge. Just goes to show you, ya' never know.

When I mean half, I mean I have seen all of A.I which is half his because he had it, died, and Steven Speilberg took over.

Wow. So you've never seen ANY Stanley Kubrick movies, but you've seen Steven Spielberg's A.I., which you consider credit for roughly half a Kubrick picture? Now it all begins to make sense.

It's still uncanny, now knowing you don't have any idea what in the heck you're talking about, that in those three mini-scripts above you were able to capture so much of the flavor of what Kubrick's creative process must have been like, and how you so cleverly crafted humorous vignettes with hardly one actual fact to spin them from.

Amazing work. Keep at it, this artful writing of yours. I feel that by the time you're seventeen you may be able to make up frightfully amusing stories about (director) Federico Fellini and midgets! I can hardly wait.