So, I got engaged

First let me say I'm sorry for your troubles from your parents' divorce. It's usually disruptive for children of any age. But let me also assure you, connections between sons and daughters and parents loosen a lot past your 20s when you go off to school or work in another town or into the military. And especially when you get married and start a family of your own that eats up much of your time. My mom's dead and I don't call my dad as regular as I should although I love him dearly. Don't call my daughter regularly either; they both live in different parts of Texas 300-500 miles from me. And I don't see my grandkids as often as I like. But we still get together once in awhile, exchange emails and cards and phone calls. That's a big difference from when I was a kid in East Texas and my maternal grandparents were just a vacant lot, one house, and one street crossing to the left of my home; My mom's oldest sister and her family lived on the street behind them with their two large backyards abutting each other. And if I turned right out of my front door I was only 4-5 houses from my paternal grandparents. Except for a year or two when my daughter 3 or so, my kids have never lived in the same town as their grandparents.

Well, my mom didn't drink. She just took prescription drugs. By the handfuls. She carried around more drugs than Elvis, and talk about your mood swings. Never threatened to kill herself, but she once went out looking for my dad and his second wife with a loaded gun. I was in my 30s when my parents divorced, and what really pissed me off was that they didn't do it 15 years earler. Used to wake up in the wee hours of the morning with dear ol' Mom yelling and cussing (woman really had a mouth on her). There were lots of nights I got up, dressed went out my window, got in my car and drove up to the high school parking lot to get some sleep before class started.

I was the first in my family ever to get a divorce. Felt really bad about it, like a real loser if I couldn't make one lousy marriage work. But my divorce was like the little Dutch boy taking his finger out of the dam. I was divorced twice and once almost left my third wife before I came to my senses. My brother has been married 6-7 times. Got a cousin who has gone through 2-3 marriages, another cousin divorced once. My mom divorced dad, married a guy who died, married again and he outlived her. My dad has been married twice, just the one divorce. The people with the longest lasting marriages in our family is my baby brother, still married to the same wife who most of the family can't stand; my daughter who had a son out of wedlock (but didn't live with the father) before she got married to a really nice guy, and my gay cousin, who after 20-something years together is going with her significant other up to Connecticut to get married (Way to go, Bev!)

Thing is, you can imagine all the bad things that can happen in any event. Have children and they may die (as my son did a few years ago). Go to the beach and you may drown. Go for a ride and you may be crippled or killed in an auto accident. Sit on your butt and never go anywhere and life passes you by. Or you can just as easily imagine the good things that come from committing to someone you love. Believe me, it's not the same as living together, because it's so easy to leave. You start working on a divorce and it gives you time to think and time to realize how intertwined and dependent a married couple may be. As I have discovered at times to my regret, marriage is a lot harder to get out of than it is to get into. But the last time I tried, I came to my senses in a week and moved back home.

Best thing is keep an open mind and learn from other people's mistakes. You're not your dad, you're not your mom, you're not your brother. So why should you fail just because they couldn't make it?

Aw, I don't think our Swedish friend is being disrespectful. He's just voicing his fears of marriage. Yoda hasn't even appeared offended, much less PO'd. Even if some stranger actually got out of line, that's no reflection on Yoda's engagement and no threat to his marriage. As for me, just talking about my checkered past makes me appreciate my wife more. Think I'll go home and kiss her.

Why of course not, that would be dumb. I just hijacked the thread a bit