The Island of Misfit Posters

Gracie, I agree with you.

But, then again, you and I feel a little more at home here already because we're both related to the site owner.

It is not always easy to fit in here. I often feel as if I am not in on the latest joke or that certain threads that just rip into other site members are cruel. If I were a newbie not associated or related to anyone on the site, I would probably have left over some of the flame wars that go on here, usually with little or no provocation.

A lot of talented, hilarious people here. But they have got to learn to share their toys and work and play well with others a little more sometimes. Otherwise, this site could end up being their little private playground if the flaming offends enough people. I have been on writing sites with fewer flame wars than this one, and they're all history now, partly because people up and left and refused to support the nastiness.

Just my double-penny....

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"I just saw this post excisted..."

Ask me about not fitting in, YOWSERS! Still, fun to see what they come up with next, and I'm sure it's the same with all of u people in this one big happy forum family.

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That's all very good and well.
I still use Mary as an example. She just *fit in* just like that.
We only share and play nice with people who make a genuine attempt at:

- Writing properly.
- Using logic.

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But you pick on Holden, and he does those things. ??

My only point (and you can ignore me if you want) is that it *can* be intimidating to read posts on this site and feel as if it's one big inside joke all the time.

You can choose the better part of valor and simply ignore people who don't fit your criteria of writing and logic. That would keep the tone around here from getting so nasty so often. It just seems that every thread I've read lately has a really vicious streak to it somewhere, and it's incredibly off-putting for newcomers and those of us who don't have a thousand posts to our credit.

I guess it depends on what Chris and others want this site to be. If you no longer want it to be a wide-reaching site, that's your choice.

Linda
(who writes properly and studied logic in college)

We don't pick on Holden. At least I don't. I was a part of a joke that we played against him, but that was ultimately a one off, something that hadn't happened before and shows no real signs of happening again, and nothing that ultimately hurt his feelings or anything like that. Not like he hasn't gotten all of us once or twice.

I won't ignore, don't worry.
I am well aware of this, I used to feel the same way once, as did Toose/Matt when he was still here. But while it may feel that way, that doesn't mean you won't sooner or later be a part of it all. None of us are going to drop these friendships we've created to make new people feel accepted. That sounds much more malicious than I mean for it to sound. What I mean is, newbies may feel intimidated [I know I did], but they can't expect the place to stop functioning to allow for their own acceptance. They have to make an effort to get in there and to get their hands dirty. Once again, look at Mary. Her days as a newbie were up after like two because she just walked head on in. People have to look at this place and think to themselves, "Well, they've all been here for ages and they have a great friendship group going on, I'm going to get in and be a real part of it." The only way to discover an inside joke is to get inside, no?

Post counts shouldn't matter for one. Look at Jason. His post count is relatively small and he's not a 'newbie'. He's not 'off-putted'. I would ignore some people who annoy me, yes, and I do for the better part. As of late there's been a number of member's who have rocked up and thought that they were God's gift to intelligence. Myself and Spud may have been the only ones acting viciously to the persons in questions, but it was a feeling that was generated all over. Sorry if this got to you.

I would say that the place is as wide-reaching as it ever was and it's only going to get moreso.

Good to know.


In regards to the in-joke of "Birthday" and "I Love You" -- they're not that hard to work out. No one seems to think anymore. It really isn't very hard.

LOL, no no, I don't mean the Birthday and I Love You threads. They were actually hilarious.

I know what you mean, and I don't mean to sound whiny. I'm not. It's meant more as a warning ... in case Chris still does want this site to be something more global and less tribal.

I'm on several other "community"-type sites, and there is always a spirit of happiness and wide acceptance when a newbie wanders in. I always see "Guests" online when I'm here, but do they ever sign up? I dunno. I've directed a bunch of friends to this site who love movies, but none of them have stuck around. Too cliquish.

As I said, it all depends on what you guys want it to be. I just wasn't sure if you realized how many of these threads sound to some of us who aren't as tight with you guys.

I think sadesdrk said it well (elsewhere?) when she reminded us that this is a movie site, not high school.

Anyway, don't mind me. I was just tossing out a stray thought that has been in my mind about this site lately.

Linda

I'm somewhere in the middle on this issue, honestly. I do think this place is a little less than inviting in one sense...but in another, it's very inviting. I figure it depends on the type of person you are. Some people see a group of "insiders" of sorts, and want in...so, they walk right in. Others kinda hang around outside them and wait for an invite. Others walk right by and, if they're not stopped and recruited, never come back.

Obviously this is not ideal...but it's not wholly preventable either. We want people who hang around here to value their status...to feel as if they've really gotten something out of this...something of value. If such a thing is easily obtained by anyone and everyone who shows even a small interest in it, it holds no actual worth.

So, I see it as a balance that needs to be struck: make the regulars feel special (because they are), but afford everyone a reasonable chance to become part of the gang. It sounds contradictory, and sometimes, it is...but I see no other way. I'd say we ARE too clique-ish right now...but I also think we're improving thanks to, for example, the Birthdays and Introductions forum, and the Glossary, etc.

We shall see. Rest assured I'm keeping a close eye on things and will take action long before any truly damaging things happen.

I may not post very much but I do lurk quite a bit. I don't think anything needs to be "done," Chris. I was just pointing out something I've noticed in recent months...this trend toward having no patience for people who perhaps try to jump in a little but stumble once or twice. Then it can feel like the regulars have no patience for people who (gasp) start a thread similar to an old one, or (gahhh) don't punctuate properly. I mean, getting upset that someone started a new thread similar to an old one? Gak, on my favorite writers' site, we are constantly asking the same questions over and over, starting the same conversations (sometimes with the same people!), but no one would even think to mention this as something to get annoyed about.

That's the kind of thing I've been noticing here lately (and only lately) that I cannot for the life of me figure out.

But, it's not in crisis-mode or anything. Just something I noticed. I think this is a great movie site, with lots of folks who know and love movies (and have amazing senses of humor), and I'd rather it be genuinely open to all, even for folks who sign on habitually as "Guest" and just lurk.

For instance, most times I've been on here tonight, there have been three members online and four or more Guests.

Now, I'll stop harping on this because I don't want it to seem like a bigger deal than it is, and because, frankly, I'd rather find other movie-related threads to post to.

Side Note: I stumbled on one thread here about a movie called Donnie Darko, which I'd never heard of. (Chris, Drew Barrymore is involved with it....)

There's apparently a web site for this flick, www.donniedarko.com, and it's an amazing, creepy, chilling site. Turn off the lights, turn on the speakers (or headphones), and click away. (I only got to Level 2 before getting seriously creeped out late last night.)

Linda