Raccoon Valley (2018)

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We don’t have much to say about this movie.

That’s chiefly because this movie doesn’t say a lot.

The promo for this short (65 minute) piece describes it as “Truly Independent,” a “New Approach to Suspense” and “Critically Acclaimed.” That, and its length, were enough to convince me to give it a try.

So a couple lessons here: independent does not necessarily mean good, new doesn’t always amount to original, and you should never listen to critics - especially people who write blogs about movies…errr….scratch the last…but don’t listen to those other guys.

The skeleton of Raccoon Valley is pretty bare. It consists of a weak and overused plot - a military airplane carrying biohazard materials suddenly crashes. Materials cause people to become “infected.” And a plucky survivor seeks to make it in this brave new world. All in 65 minutes.

My complaint about this film is not that it is short. Still (reviewed under Hollywood Haiku) showed that you can make a zombie flick with heart in only six minutes. It is that it was as painfully slow as having my wisdom teeth removed - and a lot less interesting.

The movie just plods on and on and on. The heroine, called “Woman” in the title and played by Director Turner Clay’s wife, Terri Czapleski, seems to sleep walk through the movie. Half of the film is her putting away her lawnmower, checking the electricity in her house, and looking at her car’s fuel gauge.

And the “infected”…

They make an appearance a couple of times, usually standing still or slowly walking in Woman’s direction. These are not Romero or 28 Days Later zombies. They appear to be ordinary people who have had a bag of flour tossed on their head and experienced a bad mascara day.

And it is unclear that they are actually a threat. A radio report (that the ostensibly deaf hero misses) says that they are very contagious…but there is no suggestion that they are actually dangerous.

That doesn’t, however, stop Woman from shooting at least two of them in the head when they slowly walk toward her…potentially to ask for help. It makes no sense whatsoever. All I can hope is that if there is a Raccoon Valley 2 it focuses on Woman standing trial for the murder of two ill citizens.

On the other hand, this movie only cost $125 to make and they have me writing about it, so I guess their return on investment is pretty good.

You can watch for free if you have Amazon Prime.

One (lonely) Raccoon out of Five.


just saw this. it was surprisingly good. solid 8/10. just don't go into it expecting jump scares and gore.