50 things women can't do

Got this in my e-mail, it made me chuckle

it was too long to put in the joke forum

1 know anything about a car, other than its colour
2 Understand a film plot (can be omitted for this board)
3 Go 24 hours without sending a txt message
4 Build a shed
5 Throw
6 Run
7 Park
8 Break Wind
9 Read a map
10 Rob a bank
11 Resist Ikea
12 Sit still
13 Tell a joke
14 Play pool
15 Pay for dinner
16 Eat a kebab while walking
17 Piss out of a train window
18 Argue without shouting
19 Get told off without crying
20 Understand a fruit machine
21 Walk past a shoe shop
22 Make a decent bacon sandwich (mrs fez can make a very nice bacon sarnie)
23 Not comment on a stranger's clothes
24 Use small amounts of toilet paper
25 Let you sleep off a hangover
26 Drink a pint gracefully
27 Get in a round
28 Throw a punch
29 Do magic
30 Like your friends (mwahaha!)
31 Enjoy a blue movie
32 Eat a phal curry
33 Get to the point
34 Buy plain envelopes
35 Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet
36 Sit in a room for 5 minutes without saying "I'm cold"
37 Go shopping without phoning 20 mates
38 Avoid credit card debt
39 Dive into a pool
40 Assemble furniture
41 Form a rock band
42 Set a video recorder
43 Not try and change you
44 Watch a war film
45 Understand why flirting results in violence
46 Spend a day by themselves
47 Buy a purse that fits in their pocket
48 Choose a video quickly
49 Get to the point quickly
50 Understand the Offside rule (football, as in soccer)

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Another high quality post by Fez Wizardo

Oooooh...

Sadie will rip you a new one for that.

Fair warning Fez.

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"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work." - Mitch Hedberg

Oh i'm rearing to go

for number 5 - this is the truest of the true.

attn males: pick up a ball with your left hand (if your right handed, and vice versa if you're a leftie) and throw the ball as hard as you can. That's how women throw

Some women are jocks though Fez. They might not be able to outthrow a man, but still, they're not entirely helpless.

Women that are jocks are lesbians.

That's a good list. It's so easy to stereotype women. They're all the same. Try writing a list of 50 things men can't do and I'll bet we can argue against every single one. Some of the things on this list are done by every single woman in every single country, in the universe.

These ones:

3 Go 24 hours without sending a txt message

9 Read a map

13 Tell a joke

18 Argue without shouting

19 Get told off without crying

38 Avoid credit card debt

39 Dive into a pool

42 Set a video recorder

46 Spend a day by themselves

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I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.

One thing men can't do: resist women.

Those are the only things I can't do...well.

you can form a rock band?

/me doubts sades abilities to throw, park, sit still, run etc.

Of course I could form a rock band. If I wanted to.

I can throw a mean spiral on a football.

I can run circles around a cigarette smoking monkey.

and I can paralell park a bus on dime.

I could sit still. I read for hours sometimes; the only movement is the turning of pages.

So there.

Even I don't understand a fruit machine... what the f*ck is fruit machine?


...and Sadie laid her bank robbing plans on me already.

I'm clueless as to what a fruit machine is as well..

A fruit machine is a slot machine in America-speak.

i'll agree with 8 (don't do that) , 11 (who or what is Ikea?),13, 17, 19, 38, 41......for me.


however, i suppose i could form a rock band, and if i were desperate i could piss out a train window, i will probably cry if you tell me off...depends -, i'm not too good at telling jokes, and i have a visa bill i just can't get rid of.

i throw well and i have terrific aim....i just can't throw as far or hard as some men, i don't run like a girl, i'm a great diver, i can fix some of the things on a car or motorcycle, and am willing to learn to fix some others, i don't shop with girlfriends, don't spend lots of time in the bathroom (i certainly don't read in there like most men!), i can read a map, but i must admit i'm not in love with maps.......i often program the VCR of male friends cuz they leave it blinking and never bother to figure out how to set the clock let alone how to program it!!.

i'm an athlete........but not a lesbian -----lots of athletic women DO look kinda' butch....maybe they are, maybe they aren't........don't care. lots of athletic women look strong and healthy and sexy....and can do amazing things with their thighs...so quit complaining.

and i don't know what a fruit machine is either.

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on dance seul, on dance seul.....

isn't that where gay men come from?

My girlfriend does most of those things better than I, and better than most men. She knows a lot about automobiles, throws a mean baseball pitch, bench presses about 200 lbs (2 reps), likes sports more than I, likes action movies more than I. She even fixes stuff around the house like cabinets, dish washers, etc. There aren't just 7 or 8 women like that in the world anymore; they are all over the place, and I'm glad (and no, they aren't all lesbians). The more she can do, the less I have to do. Oh, and she totally kicks my *** at pool. Am I embarrassed? No. If I was living 50 years ago, I probably would be, but we've evolved quite a bit as a people.

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One of the biggest myths told is that being intelligent is the absence of the ability to do stupid things.

firegod......how big is your girlfriend? she benches 200? jeeeezzzus.
i don't lift much, just some back and shoulder stuff.....but when i tried to see what i could press just for the heck of it, it was only 75 pounds.

the type of women you describe are awesome----and they are everywhere. nice to hear you like it.

She's 5'10 and I think she weighs 145. Rock solid, but she doesn't look very bulky. Not as strong as I am, but stronger than most men, and I bet she could kick most of their butts.

Firegod, you could be looking at a threesome there buddy, because your girlfriend sounds like a biker.

Only kidding. I kid. I kid.

Could it be with Neve Campbell? Yum yum!

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?

Three. If you slice them very thinly.


What are a smart woman's favorite animals?
A mink in the closet.
A Jaguar in the garage.
A tiger in the bedroom.
And an *** to pay for it all.