WEIRD TALES: Describe your Nightstand

This is the first of a series of strange threads I will start on MovieForum. Think of it as a fun test for your powers of observation.

What is on your nightstand? That's that little table next to your bed where you keep those cheesy little "how to make money" paperbacks & crumpled receipts.

On my very large nightstand are:
A half-full bottle of spring water.
A tarnished brass lamp with a pink shade (my mums' housewarming gift so I can't change the blasted color)
A cell phone.
A Chinese blue & white porcelain bowl full of change.
NOTE: Picture of the girlfriend is on the desk, not the nightstand, because I keep knocking it over. Mean something?

Two neck ties, the April 2001 issue of GQ (I read the food articles, LOL)
A green alarm clock with a picture of Elvis on the face -- his hips move with the "second" hand (a gift from my brother during his Elvis phase).
Two pairs of eyeglasses (ok, I'm practically blind).
A bottle of eye drops.

A small spiral notebook & 2 Pilot Razor Point pens (in case I have a dream about the winning lottery numbers)
An antique ivory Crucifix from the Philippines. (Should I die in my sleep, I would like my priest/confessor to notice this cross and nod, "Well, we know where he's going.")

A rubber dog toy.
Pile of newspaper clippings about subjects I find interesting (ie. Hideo Nomo, book reviews, antique coin auctions)
A jeweler's loupe (to examine coin detail)
Friday's New York Times
Dust
Five pound note

And BOOKS:
BLACK EASTER by James Blish
BLAMELESS IN ABBADDON by James Morrow
CHINA'S LIVING HOUSES: FOLK BELIEFS, SYMBOLS and HOUSEHOLD ORNAMENTATION (writing an article)
TRAVELERS' TALES: Hong Kong

Hmmm, this has been an interesting exercise. Rather enjoyed it too. Cheers.

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Pigsnie, Vicar of Fries!

Dang, that's one huge nightstand.

I don't have a nightstand really. I have a table by the bed in once house, and a window-sill/the floor at the other. Usually right by my bed in the latter are four or 5 books stacked one on top of the other. Lately, one of these books has been one of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but the rest almost always consist of computer books/manuals.

Lately, it's been a Java book from Sams Net Publishing, a book called "Eat that Frog", about getting things done, another computer book, which is basically a manual for VisualAge 3 for Java, the "PHP Developer's Cookbook", and "The Two Towers", by Tolkien himself.

A better representation would be the duffle bag I carry from house to house. IT contains several of these books, a portable CD player, four or five CDs, and a small CD wallet. A few pieces of clotching, some notebooks, more computer books, and a bunch of weird miscellaneous crap floating around the bottom.

Oh, and to make up for not having a nightstand, here's what I have on my desk right now (this is at the former house):

A computer monitor, sitting a computer panel. An old piece of a package for an electric shaver. Five CD cases stacked on top of each other, and then a CD wallet. Keyboard, mousepad, mouse. Two empty plastic cups. Three books, CD player, headpones, computer tower. On top of tower: a speaker, an old war game on CD, and a block styrophoam. Back down on the desk: some big thing used to store nuts, bolts, and wires. I didn't put it there.

Then, another big pile of CDs, two old broken "Click Lights", a small plastic pig, a half-opened package of bouncy balls, with most of the balls still inside, a Dell catalog, a few pieces of paper (printed out movies reviewS), an old ticket stub, a chewed up old pen, and a plastic "Marvin the Martian" figuring still in it's fast-food plastic wrapping.

Messy, huh? But why clean it up when, if I read and memorize those Java books, I can make $100K a year?

OhmiGawd--great thread! I gotta run over to my place and write everything down. I'm at school, checking papers and damn if I can't remember what my nightstand looks like. Its actually an apple crate but there's tons of stuff on it.

Chris, what's a clotching? And I didn't know you shaved

Pigs, its asking for trouble to have a pic of your girlfriend in your house. They'll think its time to move in.

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Blonde Klingons: Because it was a good day to dye!

Clotching? Huh?

Yeah, I shave a little bit - got a small mustache coming in. Don't like it at all.

I think one wears clotching, does not one, Commish? And oh yeah, there is also a shaving mug on the nightstand, decorated with a classy painting of the Queen, don't know how I could have forgetten my Beloved Monarch.

Wart, if I didn't have a photo of the girlfriend somewhere in the house, I would never hear the end of it. So a gentleman has to make concessions.

You think my nightstand is bad, Commish? You should see my desk. There is a dead animal on it. And my brother's nightstand is almost indescribable. (It smells.)

This is so interestin. It seems you are a plastic pig and CD man, Commish. I can hardly wait to hear about Wart's apple crate.

Actually I don't listen to CD's too often, half of them are burned audio CDs, or games, or programs, like MS Front Page, etc.

Clotching - I get it now.

I only sleep in my house maybe 5 nights a week, but here's whats on mine:

A phone
A reading lamp
A dictionary
A pencil sharpener
A Discman
An empty envolpe with a phone number written on the back.
An empty box of something
A flyer for a show that was about 2 months ago.
One of the Earth Chronicles books.

The on the floor next to my bad I have:
Two 2 liter soda bottles
A CD
TIMELINE

I think thats about it.

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Horror's Not Dead
Latest Movie Review(s): Too lazy to keep this up to date. New reviews every week.

OK--here's my apple crate nightstand. On the top of it is my sumo wrestler alarm clock (clock in belly), my meditation bell, an opened bag of dried mango (sweets), Jolly Ranchers (cherry flavor), a brass lamp [porcelain shade)with a base shaped like "I DREAM OF JEANIE" wishing lamp, one chopstick, a potted spider plant with one resident earthworm--I know there's one because he comes out everytime I water it (that's why its a little on the dry side), rubber duck, Sports Illustrated, AOL disk, SHOGUN: Total War (just the box--using as tray), The Cardinal & the Kremlin--old Tom Clancy book, one irridescent red Siamese fighting fish called Muskatel in fishbowl: paperback by John Crowley called LITTLE, BIG, a coding book called BEGINNING PROGRAMMING FOR DUMMIES, bottle of JOLT orange, boxed set of VHS tapes of LIFE ON EARTH & THE HOWLING, biography of EINSTEIN (HEy--it you're not a genius, might as well read about one), an ENYA CD (Don't know why I have it--must be my sister's.), glass float and a rechargable battery of my cell phone--

This isnt all on top of my crate nightstand. Some are in the crate. I put 2 shelves in the crate. The books & tapes are in the shelves

Next time. I'll describe my desk. There's something dead on it too. It is the articulated skeleton of a rat. Very pricey. THats what my brother said. He got it in New York. Because if you want to shake hands with the rat, you can. It doesn't fall apart. There's wire or some flexible plastic in the skeleton or something

Does your programming book focus on any one language in particular, or is it all algorithms, and things like that?

I don't even have a bed, let alone a night stand (I started sleeping on the couch years ago, and I got used to it to the point that I have a hard time getting comfortable in a bed now. So the last time I moved, I sold my bed and never got another one).

Now, the table next to my couch has some nail clippers and a can of Sam's Choice cola on it right now.

Its mostly QBASIC---it talks about other languages but barely. There's a chapter on algorithms: searching & sorting (again, really basic stuff) and there's something about HTML... I'm really into Science--any kind and I thought I'd look into programming.

Hey--maybe we should ask people to describe their workdesks. There don't seem to be many nightstands! Or even beds!

OG, you seem a very neat person. Well, except for the 2 soda bottles -- get rid of those soon, you will get ants. (My brother had such a soda swarm not too long ago, and I was most displeased.)

RyanP, you will ruin your back if you sleep on a couch for the rest of your life. Plus what will your wife say on your honeymoon?

Wart, I don't know whose nightstand is worse -- yours or mine. As a child, I used to have a Siamese fighting fish myself, but it got some kind of fungus. (Probably because I fed it crumbled potato chips.) And yes, articulated skeletons of anything are very expensive. Your rat probably cost well over $200, I reckon. My dead animal is actually a stuffed vampire bat which hangs upside down on a branch.

Describing desks will be tough because I have three. One huge 19th century partners desk in my bedroom (it is called that because these are built for 2 users), and two more desks in the library. (That's why I chose a nightstand.) But we'll see. (It will be a very very very long post.)

Well, since I'm sitting at one of my desks right now, looking for an overdue bill, I will describe the current mountain of debris. (Soon, you will have to do this too, Wort.)

Large teetering pile of THE TIMES (London) and THE TELEGRAPH
Opened pack of cigarettes: 4 ciggies inside (SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU! Never mind about me.)

Among others, heap of books on Oriental culture:
SECRETS OF THE SAMURAI
THE FOOD OF CHINA by E.N. Anderson.
CHINESE SNUFF BOTTLES by Robert Kleiner (Just started collecting them, fascinating stuff)
5 or 6 SOTHEBYS snuff bottle catalogs.
MYST: THE OFFICIAL STRATEGY GUIDE (Don't know how that got there -- possibly, my brother's, looks ancient)

THE HUNTING OF THE PRESIDENT by Joe Conason.
FRESH AIR FIEND by Paul Theroux.
PLINY (small red volumes, part of the LOEB Classical Library set, my favorite)
M16: INSIDE THE COVERT WORLD OF HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE by S. Dorril.

2 very beat-up romance paperbacks (my girlfriend's, I guess): THE GREATEST LOVER IN ALL ENGLAND and MARIGOLD'S MARRIAGES. Hmmmm, lots of page folding and pencilled annotations, will investigate later.
Assorted other magazines like TIME OUT, EMPIRE, PRIVATE EYE

Two Chinese porcelain peachbloom lamps.
Three old mugs filled with pens, pencils & scissors
Magnifying glass
Small bowl of M&Ms (still in unopened bag)
Furry white cat watching bowl of M&Ms (baptismal name is Chairman Meow, answers to Fred)
Two bananas, half a croissant, 2 rashers of congealed bacon on platter, plastic cutlery
Cup of coffee, paper napkins
Red telephone, black telephone
Laptop computer
Family photos, picture postcards, half-filled crossword puzzles (I've never finished one)

Baseball signed by Hideo Nomo & Sadaharu Oh.
Giant gold cloisonne fish.
Jar of ancient Roman coins I haven't cleaned yet.
Metal bin filled with receipts & expired credit cards.
Pile of spiral notebooks and orange plastic folders.

Large 2 foot porcelain statue of Fat Buddha, with ring of keys hanging around his neck. Also POST-IT with grocery list stuck to his face.
Alleged Death mask of Cromwell on pile of newspapers, nose chipped. Car keys on nose.

Hmmm, that took 20 minutes and I probably missed some things still. Time to buy some of those groceries, wot? Off comes the Post-It from the Buddha's face. And there goes the bacon down Chairman Meow's throat. Ta ta.

Alright, I'm at my other desk now.

- Monitor, speaker on either side, computer tower to the right, keyboard in front, mouse/mousepad to the side. Tucked in between the tower and one of the speakers are a bunch of empty envelopes, papers, a few folders, a small notebook, and a handheld book on JavaScript.

- A CD stand around half-way filled.

- About three computer books sitting around. A big pile of generic post-it-notes with some pens tucked in.

- A copy of "The Screwtape Letters" (paperback), sitting underneath a copy of "Eat that Frog!", sitting underneath two computer books.

- A pile of 10 VHS video tapes to my right that I need to file away.

- A basket full of cassette tapes I need to file away.

You're lyin' Commish! Where's the stack of teetery pizza boxes two feet high? Where's the action figure of Lara Croft? What IS in those video tapes?

The tapes are of a show my dad does - two different shows, actually. Some of each in that pile.

Lara Croft figurine? Uhhh, no. I don't buy figurines really. I do (now) have a plate I used to eat eggs this morning, but when I'm done posting this, I'll be bringing it into the kitchen.

I eat at my desk all the time. That's why I had to put one of those Keyskin jobs on my keyboard. And I vaccuum. I love Cheetos so if I don't, my keyboard and mouse become orangey red. (I have to clean my mouse every month.) The vacuum also sucks up the ants. There's a lot of bugs in Hawaii so I have a plastic screen to keep them out.

I will be writing about my desk this weekend.

Your dad's a producer, Commish? Just being nosey.

I used to like Cheetos, but now I like those thick, rather expensive "Hawaiian style" potato chips, Jalapeno or Salt & Vinegar flavor. Can put a bag away in 20 minutes, along with copious amounts of icy Coke.

Not a producer - he hosts the shows. He has a radio show, too - he's is to media what a swiss army knife is to a boy scout, I suppose. I very much admire his talent and work ethic. I think I've inherited a lot of it - I hope.

Your dad's a media celebrity????? Wow.
Well--I think you are following in his footsteps--if this site is any indication. Not to mentiona all those programming books. I'm kinda dim in that area.

Wooo--is that Zephyr I hear--come to say that I'm sucking up to the HeadCheese?