Soulmates: Romantic Notion or Immature Cop-Out?

I mentioned in another thread that the one thing I regret losing the most was the One. He got away, or I should be honest and say I let him go. I was young and immature at the time and didn't see his wonderful qualities for what they were. He was loving, warm, caring, responsible, not to mention handsome, and I let it go for someone who was more reckless. I wish I'd had the insight I have now. This is not to say that there wouldn't have been a few speedbumps along the way. I believe that to be true of all relationships. Its not smooth sailing all the time. I think those bumps are what pulls couples together or splits them apart. I've been in many relationships but none had the depth that would have led me to believe that they were my soulmate. Even my short lived marriage. I thought it a good thing at the time and was committed to making it work. Too bad the ex didn't have the same degree of commitment. I never thought of him as my soulmate, but he was close. He was a decent hard working man and I thought we had a good chance. But it wasn't meant to be. So going forward I guess I will have to "settle" a little because I've already had my gift.

__________________
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons.....for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

but is it fair for the one you're with, even if some go by the motto "ignorance is bliss" and don't let him know he's never gonna be the *one*???

__________________
We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

I guess I was just looking at it from a purely selfish perspective. I'm not sure what to say. Telling somebody that they aren't the "one", well, I think I might be honest and let them know about the "one" that was in my past. I don't think I would ever say "You're not my ideal soulmate, love, but you'll do in a pinch." Maybe that's not fair, but its what I would probably do. I would love the person and make them feel loved. Maybe that's all we can ask, to give our best.

thanx for the honesty. but, how are you gonna tell them without making them feel more than "not your ideal soulmate" that would "do in a pinch"?
and oppositely, would you accept yourself being just that for them, in case *the one* was already in their past too?

Love is a very complex thing, its had me confused many a time. I still don't believe I found my special one ( I don't mean Jose Mourinho, Chelsea fans!!! ) so I'm still out there looking. I suppose there is always the worry that when you do find that special someone, that you are not their ideal mate, and as you pointed out, sometimes ignorance is bliss.
Then again, what woman wouldn't be smittened with a red blooded horny Scotsman???
Gotta go, Pussycat Dolls are on MTV.

__________________
Hey Pepe, would you say I have a plethora of presents?


Toga, toga, toga......


Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour?

those who prefer a green blooded kinky Frogman??

Ooooooooooooh la la!
Us Scotsmen look better in a skirt though, if only someone would tell Jean Paul Gaultier that!!!!

he never got over his Scottish ex-boyfriend...

It wasn't me, I have an alibi, I was out with Richard Gere's hamster that night!

and this thread used to be about "romantic notions"...

I have no idea how I would put it into words. I think by letting them know that there was a "one" already might tip them off that the position had been filled. (Unless they might think there is room in this world for more than just one "one.") And as far as accepting myself, as long as that person made me feel loved and loved me as best as they could, I would have no regrets. Most of us have a past and it would be realistic to believe that they could have had somebody that had been their "one." I think we are all just trying to be happy and live as fulfilled people. I would take the person's love with care and nuture it. I wouldn't think less of it because I wasn't their ideal. I would love them with all my heart and treasure them, even if they weren't my "one" or I theirs. I don't see what can be gained by being brutally honest and saying the words you aren't the "one" I've been searching for. Maybe that's a cop out but its my very humble opinion.

which is a very honorable one. i wish we all could, and by "we", you know whom i mean. the idealistic part won't let that happen though, for more than a coupla months every 3 years or so. the meaning of life, probably.

I guess I'm wondering now, what is going to be the difference in how you relate to someone if you think they're "the one" from if you don't? Will you put up with less from them? Will you not be as good to them?

__________________
Review: Cabin in the Woods 8/10

1) i guess it'd be a consequence, wanted or not, since there would be less "perfect" things to compensate
2) not consciously, i mean: willingly (at least if one is a good-hearted person), but someone sensitive and sensible enough would feel the difference between being just loved, and totally (cor)responding to their lover's hopes, expectations, dreams, etc...

Total correspondence is never going to happen. You're describing the condition of being in the womb, not being in a relationship. To put that sort of expectation on a love relationship is unrealistic and ultimately unloving to your partner: you're demanding that they never differ from you, and if they do, then you've just said you'll love them less.

'What is a friend? It's a soul dwelling in two bodies.' - Aristotle

I don't believe that a soul mate is someone we're in love with or that we're going to marry.

Once of my best friends who i've known for years, I think she's my soul mate. She's like the other half of me (probably the better natured side too).

I dont agree that the notion of soul mates refers to partners. Think aboiut what you think a soul is first and then think about soul mates, we might have different answers.

__________________

Undercoverlovers 100 REDUX

this is oversimplifying something admittably complicated. total correspondence (intellectual, opinions, etc...), NO. total chemistry, yes. and a propos "differing", differences can be complimentary. and back to chemistry! if they're not, as they most often are not, they don't complement each other, they oppose each other.
plus, how did you take from my "compensation" thing something as radical as total correspondence? is that not overinterpretation based on (a false) assuming you know what is meant but actually not written?

I wouldn't even date anyone at this point unless I thought there was a possibility of a long-term relationship in it, i.e. we "click" or have really good intellectual/physical chemsitry. Doesn't mean I expect it to happen, just that the possiblity is there. It doesn't have to be "the one" - that's something you probably discover after a while anyway.

I used to waste a lot of time dating guys I knew I wouldn't want to emotionally invest in, just because I felt like going out and doing something. Then again, I wasn't even attracted to my first two boyfriends, at all, until months after knowing them on a regular basis, so what I'm actually saying is this: I have no ****ing idea, Delilah. Heh but you already knew that.

Hey, froggie, it might be where you said "and totally (cor)responding to..."

Just a hunch.

hei, thanx for the hunch, Moo!
what i meant is there is a difference between
1) feeling someone corresponds to your dreams
and
2) the absence of differences (in opinions, taste, etc...) between 2 persons.

as a matter of fact, among one's expectations, one can be that the perfect person *does* have different opinions and tastes