Meatwadsprite's Slow Review Thread

I have predictions for meatwad's upcoming ratings as well...



Ocean's Eleven* (one viewing)


PLOT: approximately eleven guys plan to rob casinos in Las Vegas owned by a jerk they don't like.

STORY: I liked when they were actually doing the break ins and stuff, especially the oriental guy who could do flips, but other than that it was too slow paced and nothing happened for too many scenes, just talking. If it was supposed to be funny, I didn't laugh. Also Julia Roberts is ugly, I wish they had cast somebody like Eliza Dushku instead.

ENDING: Horrible. They stare at a fountain while some Beethoven or something plays?!? Very stupid and pointless and not a good resolution. Something should have blown up or there could have been an exciting chase with motorcycles or a Ferrari or something. See the ending for Con Air for the proper way to end a cool Vegas movie.

VISUALS: Las Vegas looked pretty cool sometimes and Clooney and Pitt wear expensive clothing, but this is boring and standard photography and all casinos look the same.

SYNOPSIS: I don't know why TNT has called this a "new classic". It was very average in most parts and too slow with a nothing climax. Bottom line: it's no Spider-Man 3 or Rush Hour 3. You have been warned! I don't think I will ever watch this movie again. Though it could have been worse: Stanley Kubrick could have directed it, then it would have been even more boring and have a much bigger waste of an ending.

*I'm assuming this is the Soderbergh remake

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"Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film." - Frank Capra

Ocean's Eleven (1 viewing)



Plot : Just out of prison Danny Ocean (George Clooney) assembles a team of 11 to rob a highly secured casino vault.

Story : Fast paced story telling with quickly developed characters makes for a fun - but not incredible story. Danny's team slowly goes through the casino making their escape and entrance breach by breach - over the course of a couple days I assume : which is for the most part really fun to watch and as the big day of the heist gets closer - your prone to expect a couple twists. None of the characters have any motives in this movie aside from getting the money : with the exception of Danny , who is trying to get his wife back from the man running the casino. You never have to dig deep into this film's characters though the story goes so fast - but it defintly wouldn't have been a challenge for the films huge star cast.

Music : The majority of the film is played out with great beats and melodies - which always fit right in place with the rest of the picture. Along with a very different classical score at the end which is incredibly effective.

Visuals : Though the images are never lacking here , they just don't touch that eye candy quality. The settings are mostly small , with tons of focus on the characters - but they get the job done for what they're used for.

Sypnosis : Some small character fast paced fun - backed up by a great soundtrack and cast.

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10 years ago? really? are you from the future? Whats 2017 like?

No i haven't seen it as it hasn't arrived here in Australia yet I will foe sure

Didn't you at least think Pikeys Review was interesting, you 2 have opposite views of the same movie Also maybe, there is something to learn from his technique

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

maybe there is

movies are in full 3D - but have reverted back to black and white

The Big Lebowski (7+ viewings)



Plot : The dude Jeff Lebowski (Jeff Bridges) spends his time bowling and doing drugs - untill one day some guys ruin his rug : when they mistake him for the rich man with the same last name. The dude is thrown into a mystery of the other Lebowski's kidnapped wife - where nothing is as it seems.

Story : The events in the story bounce back and forth from the kindapping mystery and the bowling tournament. With his friends and bowling team Walter (John Goodman) and Donnie (Steve Buscemi) as they "help" him out with the mystery. It's a perfectly executed mystery as it dosen't rely on shock value rather than it's hillarious approach to serious matters.

Humor : The first half you can't stop laughing the entire time - with the second half still subtly funny , but more focused on the story and characters. Tons of highly original style and a hillariously horrible narrator - make this one of the funniest you'll ever see.

Visuals : Beautifull throughout the entire film , espicially with it's crazy surreal dream scene and the camera in the bowling ball view : not to forget it's lovely bowling scenes - all of this accompinied by a great unforgetable soundtrack.

Sypnosis : Easily the best Coen brothers film , sucseeds all their other works - in visuals , comedy , and story telling : and earns it's spot as one of the best.

Have you seen Millers Crossing? a different type of movie, it is fantastic

I've been hearing a lot about it recently - i'll check it out

Fargo (2 viewings)



Plot : Jerry Lundegaard (William H Macy) hires two guys (Steve Busecemi and Peter Stormare) to kidnap his wife - so they can split the ransom money.

Story : Jerry is in some money trouble and hires the two to kidnap his wife - they are baffled by his choice , but accept it due to the big ransom. Jerry runs a car dealership owned by his father in law who he plans on getting the ransom money from. Though the plan takes wrong turn after wrong turn - eventually detective Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand) is called in to investiage some people killed on the road. The movie's characters are pretty much the main focus here , they are very motivated and you really start to feel for them toward the end. Though don't confuse this for saying the story is perfect , the main detective and her husband (who is also a cop) are always sitting around do boring stuff : and the audience has to watch. Not to say that dosen't make the character better - but the scenes themselves defintly could have been done better. You could probably cut about 20 minutes out of this film and it would be one of the best movies of all time.

Visuals : The first Coen film that I have seen with bland visuals. Though there are a very short few great moments , for the most part the camera movement is minimal - and most of the action is very powerless (due to the minimal camera) , but the snowy setting for this movie defintly makes for a highly original setting - espicially with the beautifull ending scene.

Sypnosis : A lot better than No Country for Old Men as a character based suspense thriller , but I really don't wana watch people watching the nature channel.

Fight Club (9+ viewings)



Plot : (Edward Nortan) is a lonely guy with a well paying office job that requires him to travel alot. One day though his entire life is destroyed when his apartment blows up.

Story : (Nortan) meets soap salesman Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) on his way home to his exploded apartment , after he finds out about this catastrophe - he calls Tyler to stay at his place. Tyler dosen't mind seeing as how his house is a run down destroyed place , that he most likely did not pay for. With nothing to do now they both start up a club where men can beat the crap out of each other - fight club. As fight club gets bigger and more spread out around the nation - it eventually turns into a complete army of people dedicated to a new way of life and set on destroying everything that seperates people from each other. The movie is originally adapted from the novel written by Chuck Palahniuk - with only a few minor changes and totally different ending (that dosen't neccasarley rule out the books ending as well). One of the most original stories you'll see in a film - with great scene after another.

Visuals : Dominated by amazing super realistic CGI zoom ins on things cameras will most likely never be able to do in a 100 years. The dark and rotted house , the perfect corperate buildings , and the blood drenched anarchists make this a visuall thrill ride.

Sypnosis : If your looking for a highly original story , with great visuals : watch this movie.

I would really love to read Holden Pike's Meatwadsprite Reviews Prediction Thread.

Yeah me too. I would enjoy reading that thread more than meatwad's. Holden, that post was one of the funniest damn things I have read on these forums.

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"All the confusion of my life... has been a reflection of myself! Myself as I am, not as I'd like to be." - Guido, 8 1/2

I'd say the relationship between Marge and her husband is one of the best parts of Fargo personally. It's a morality tale at core, as well as a subversion of the usual hard-bitten, emotionally-retarded alcoholic cop archetype. And it's really quite lovely too.

As for Fight Club, while it's a well constructed, fun movie that's become something of a call to arms for disaffected 21st century men I definitely wouldn't say it was "highly original". Emasculation, individuality vs. conformity, the nature of self-identity and the dehumanizing effects of industrial/post-industrial society have all been explored as far back as Herman Melville. The twist itself is one of the oldest going in literature. That's not to say it's a bad movie, on the contrary I loved it when I was 14, but it's no-where near as deep and nuanced as, say, Fargo.

I agree that Fargo's characters and their problems do go extreamly deep , which is what seperates it from a lot of movies : but being such a short movie - it's just like a brief glimpse into such realistic characters , that I personally can never connect with them.

As for Fight Club - i've never seen a movie with the same themes or even anything similar to the events that happen in the story.

Spiderman (7+ viewings)



Plot : Peter Parker (Tobey McGuire) is about to graduate from high school , near the end of the year though : he is bitten by a new species of spider on a field trip. The bite gives him super-powers : allowing him to spin webs and making him very strong.

Story : Many different characters are introduced throughout the movie : there's Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) the girl Peter has worshiped for his entire life , Harry Osbourn - Peter's best friend and Harry's father Norman Osbourn : who becomes the green goblin in order to save his company - but dosen't stop there. All these characters flow great together and never let the story slip away from the movie. Not to mention Peter's Uncle and Aunt who he lives with - who defintly make a big impact on the story.

Action and Visuals : Though not the CGI fest that the sequels are , it still has some really great visualls. The general cinemetography is pretty bland and underused : but then there is the scene with the parade floats - which really is an incredibly breathtaking scene. The action though dosen't touch the fluent battles of the sequels either , with tons of cuts and a couple of cheesy looking blows : in the end it still makes the obvious statement of what's happening.

Sypnosis : Some great visuals , but no CGI showcase like the next two - with a powerfull character driven story and a great musical score.

Not a big Spidey fan but thanks anyway

Star Wars Episode IV : A New Hope (9+ viewings)



Plot : Luke Skywalker has always dreamed of becoming a pilot for the rebellion. Though it dosen't seem like he will be going anywhere soon , a Jawa sandcrawler sells them two droids that have just escaped the clutches of the empire - with incredibly important data.

Story : Religion is one of the big binding concepts of this movie , though it's not contreversal enough to be interperted as a movie that's trying to "force feed" you it's religion : it's used as a fictional energy that the viewer will come to relize is real or fake. When Luke is cleaning the droids he stumbles upon a message left in one of the droids that reveals his mission , although R2D2 (the droid with the message) seeks an old hermit Obi Wan or Old Ben. When Luke finds Obi Wan Kenobi - it is revealed to Luke that he must come with on a life risking mission : and leave his family and farm life. Meanwhile Darth Vader (the second highest rank in the impire) is destroying planets and torturing Princess Leia for the location of the rebel base. Eventually all these characters confront each other , not to mention Han Solo and his friend Chewbaca , in some way.

Visuals : I'm not one of those people who stands by the original 70's release of the film : since the first version I saw was the 90's special eddition , but this is not even the 90's special eddition : it's an all new 2004 release. The CGI has been updated and the picture is incredibly more clear than both of the previous releases. The entire star wars universe as you will see is incredibly original and new.

Sypnosis : Not just a movie but the basis of a whole new universe of characters and places. When comparing this to other movies about space and the future : it's the undoubted king.

Jackass : The Movie (1 viewing)



Plot : A bunch of guys do incredibly dangerous , sick , and downright stupid stuff.

Story : Beyond knowing the character's names and what they look like you won't actually ever come to know them (unless maybe you watch the show witch I don't). The majority of the movie is all real footage of guys doing incredibly dangerous stunts and ruining themselves in the craziest ways possible. Easily the grossest movie you'll ever see , which I can't say is that great of a feat : but you could call the film powerfull.

Humor : Though some of the stunts are pretty funny to watch : the more tame stunts are all the more funnier. Chances are you'll be asking yourself time and time again how they get away with doing all of this stuff in public and if it's just set up : but either way some parts are too funny not to laugh. Though the more extreme and gruesome the less funny I found it.

Visuals : Gut wrenching and disgusting at times most of the footage in the film is captured by great cameras , with lesser : hidden cameras supposdly filming some parts. They look pretty realistic for the most part and the intro and outro's are both tons of fun to watch.

Sypnosis : Gross and extreamly violent - plus some laugh out loud moments : with no means of conventional story at all , but in the end it's dumber tricks outweigh it's hillarious parts.

Spiderman 2 (4+ viewings)



Plot : Following closely from the first spiderman's story - Peter Parker is trying to balance out too many things at once : and tries to decide what he wants the most.

Story : Really uses the first spiderman to it's advantage completely. All the characters and events that happened in the first are made very important in this sequel. When inventor Otto Octavious reveals his life's work - a machine that will make tons more energy than it uses , something goes wrong and he is taken over by the A.I in his metal arms. Meanwhile Mary Jane is getting married to newspaper editor Jamison's son , Aunt May has to move out of her house unable to pay the bills , Harry Osbourn's failure with Dr. Octavious makes his vengance on Spiderman incredibly important to him - and Spiderman is trying to balance all these people in his life out and remain spiderman. The story moves pretty fast with lots of emphasis on it's existing characters.

Visuals and Action : Lots of more CGI than the first installment , but still not as much as the third. The action scenes though are mostly crafted CGI crazy battles , that destroy tons of terrain and dish out crazy stunts that would never be possible otherwise. A huge improvement from the first , with much broader settings and cleaner presentation.

Sypnosis : A great second movement in a trilogy , leaving you on the edge for the final installment (which is the best in my opion)