#502 - Catwoman
Pitof, 2004
When a lowly office worker at a cosmetics company is murdered for accidentally overhearing her superiors conspiring, she is brought back to life as the latest in a long line of "catwomen".
The early-to-mid-2000s were not the best time for superhero movies, and this thread will definitely attest to that fact. Even so, there seemed to be an especially high level of vitriol reserved for
Catwoman to the point where I knew that it had to be something that I saw for myself. When watching the so-called worst movies ever made, I often get a twinge of disappointment that the film doesn't seem to quite live up to its reputation as a horrible excuse for cinema (I think the most recently watched example of this would have to be
The Last Airbender, though that was still plenty terrible anyway).
Catwoman, on the other hand, is the real deal. Even by the already low standards of mid-2000s superhero movies,
Catwoman is pretty impressive in its ineptitude and not just for seeming to throw out the established canon in favour of crafting a whole different story.
Catwoman starts off with a flash-forward to the protagonist (Halle Berry) lying dead in the water and narrating to us just so that the following handful of scenes don't fool audiences into thinking that they've walked into an extremely trite Hollywood rom-com. Berry's character is the typical klutzy introvert that lives in a crummy apartment and works a soul-crushing job in the marketing department for a make-up company that is planning on launching a new face cream. Of course, when she ends up visiting the office late at night, she is murdered and left for dead, but things change when...a cat brings her back to life.
While I grant that this isn't too far removed from what happened to Michelle Pfeiffer in
Batman Returns, here it's taking to excruciating levels. The film tries to ape
Spider-Man by showing how Berry's powers are animal-based with typically cat-like reflexes and agility, but this also involves her mimicking cat behaviours like sniffing her hands or eating cat food straight out of the can in what I think is supposed to be comical but just comes across as ludicrous. To this end, the film establishes a whole new mythology in its opening credits that show how "catwomen" have been around since time immemorial and that Berry is now the latest to take up the mantle thanks to cat magic. In addition to the set-up outlined above, the film once again strays (no pun intended) into boring rom-com territory as she strikes up a relationship with a police detective (Benjamin Bratt) that is challenged when he starts investigating a recent wave of cat-burglaries. There are also her bosses (Lambert Wilson and Sharon Stone) who do make for some terrible characters even before the truth about them is revealed. Then there's her whole ludicrous quest for revenge against the people who killed her. This includes hunting down a henchman played by Michael Massee, whose presence really made me realise how much this film lifts from
The Crow. Ordinary person is murdered as part of an evil conspiracy but is brought back to life by a magic animal and starts taking revenge on those who wronged them? Yeah, it sounds very familiar.
There's enough going on with
Catwoman to guarantee that its reputation for being one of the worst movies made in living memory isn't without good reason. The way in which this film's story completely distances itself from its supposed source material would be one thing, but here it's exacerbated by the film trying to aim for a rough mixture of superhero campiness and post-
Matrix coolness. The effects are rubbish, as is the case with the magic cat or even the long shots of Catwoman scurrying along walls and over rooftops. This make for a pretty bad experience when combined with an aggressively obnoxious filmmaking style - look no further than the scene where Berry and Bratt play one-on-one basketball while on a date to see just how aesthetically unappealing this film manages to be. When you're not noticing how much of its style and tropes it cops from other comic-book movies, you're noticing how much it plays out like a generic rom-com that just so happens to be about a superhero. Berry's whole transition into Catwoman feels a lot like the trope where the frumpy-looking woman gets a makeover to show that she's actually beautiful underneath. That's without getting into the reveal behind the plot, where the film's attempts to define itself as an action film that isn't afraid to be feminine get pushed to a ludicrous extreme. Camp value may be something of a redeeming factor when it comes to a lot of bad movies, and while
Catwoman does try to be campy, here it just comes across as painful.