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Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

Of course, the degree to which you value loyalty is simultaneously the degree to which you would have to condemn her behavior.

Being a friend to someone means expecting more of them, too. It's not...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

Yeah, I dunno what that's about either. But for the record, if one of my friends did that, I'd insist strongly that they break it off, and if they just flat refused, I'd withdraw from their lives.
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

There is no one magic line. It depends on lots of things...including the person. That's the point.

And moreover, the initial point was about what might break up a marriage, completely regardless...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Which you don't know, and have reason to doubt if...

Which you don't know, and have reason to doubt if they've just told you they betrayed you before.

I'm not sure what part of this isn't getting through, but I'm not doing another lap on this. You...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
The "scenario" you mention doesn't exist in...

The "scenario" you mention doesn't exist in reality. Nobody has relationship omniscience. And most people, not having that omniscience, would wonder how much they could trust someone if they learned...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

It doesn't really matter what you're certain of, or what someone would advise. That's completely beside the point. Though even then, you assume a level of certainty that doesn't exist in real life....
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
I'm not sure why you think this is some kind of...

I'm not sure why you think this is some kind of universally understood principle, rather than just you explaining your own personal standard of conduct. I don't agree with this at all, and I'm...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
If you think stuff like that doesn't count if...

If you think stuff like that doesn't count if someone simply manages to keep it a secret until after the marriage, then yes, it is.


To you, maybe. You don't speak for others.

As for me; who...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Yeah, no. It's a valid reason whenever. Maybe...

Yeah, no. It's a valid reason whenever. Maybe your conception of an engagement is wildly different than mine (and, I would wager, most people's), but it's not universally understood to be some...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

A moment ago you were saying we can't judge their lives, which is true. Now you're actively declaring what should or should not end their marriage?

Cheating on someone during an engagement is a...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

Did you even read that post? I didn't suggest it should end the marriage, I suggested it might. The point was that you can speculate about potentially awful results just as much as potentially good...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
I think it's crappier to put someone in that...

I think it's crappier to put someone in that position, because you know what you're doing before you do it. If you say you'll keep a secret, it's far more speculative, because you had no idea what...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

If not everyone has to be judged for every mistake, then he doesn't have to be judged for betraying her trust, either. Not to mention that it's a pretty crappy friend that asks you to keep a secret...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

It's not exactly a "test" if one person doesn't know it's happening, unless you're suggesting that the man deserves to be cheated on for being the kind of person who doesn't realize he's being...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

I think we all know that minding your own business has limits. You wouldn't say it if someone were planning to commit a crime. Or if they were planning to run out on their family suddenly, or...
Replies: 146
Do I rat on a friend?
Posted By Yoda
Re: Do I rat on a friend?

I think you only have an obligation to tell him if you know him independent of her. If he's a friend, too. If he's not, I would simply lean very heavily on her to confess. I don't know if you're...