Women - please take note
 

I found this on another site, it's hillarious

Women - Please Take Note !!!!
We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the
men's side.

* Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us *****ing about you
leaving it down.

* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!

* Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

* Sunday = sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

* Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

* Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

* When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

* Crying is blackmail.

* Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

* We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

* Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

* Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

* Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

* A headache that lasts for 7 months is a problem. See a doctor.

* Check your oil ! Please.

* Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

* If you won't dress like an underwear model, don't expect us to act
like soap opera men.

* If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.

* If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

* Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

* You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done... not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
adverts.

* Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

* The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

* ALL men see in only 6 colours, like Windows' default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

* If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

* We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

* If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

* If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

* Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as the offside rule, LBW and sports cars.

* You have enough clothes.

* You have too many shoes.

* Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or
some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying
anyway.)

* It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
Together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

* BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

* Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the sofa
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

* I AM in shape. - ROUND is a shape.

Re: Women - please take note
 

:rotfl:

That one's my favorite.

Yawn.
:bored:

i am glad your honest
 

Hey thanks for speaking the truth, my boyfriend is going through this phase on where he is dealing with himself and not me anymore, after a year and half of me and building his life around me, he is sick of it and is changing his ways, should i worry, no, because he made all of these promises to me, and doesn't lie to me. But, men are different and want different things.
I too have long hair, down to my hinner. and i am not going to cut it, it looks like porn star hair, i guess that is where the positive comes in.
:yup:

I'm yawning, too, Sadie. :bored:

Lists about stereotypical men/women/whatever went out in the '90s. Write something else, for pete's sake! :rolleyes:

Most of them are boring...but only because we've read 'em. I'd forgotten around half of these...so, I admit, I laughed. :D

If you want to actually get people riled up about your sexism, you're going to have to work a lot harder than that.

Alot of yawning going on here, but most are so true.

In rebuttal...
 

my dad sent me this today.. thought it was great.

15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS:

01. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

02. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

03. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

04. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

05. Go for the younger man. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

06. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

07. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

08. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

09. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.
Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes,
it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

That was your 69th post. That's all I have to say about that. :indifferent:

Sorry my 69 wasn't more spectacular.

thanks for the upper!!
 

That post was very funny. I am going through a situation right now, and need some positive influence. Thanks

Either that or there's a lot of pathetic complying going on...

Subject: Warning to all men out there !


City Police authorities are warning all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to keep alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer " is being used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer " is used by wicked female sexual predators at parties and bars to convince their hapless male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer " and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this cunning approach: After several "beers " men will often succumb to desires to perform adventurous sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. Men often awaken after being given "beer " with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are stung for their life's worth in another familiar scam known as "a relationship". Authorities ask that you forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded men. For the nearest such support group near you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the Yellow Pages

:laugh: I've seen that dozens of times. It's still somewhat funny, though. :)

I discovered "beer" years ago! After a few "beers" I was pissed-drunk and started fighting animals I found in the street. I still have a scar...(;) )

Pft. Yeah. I know how old you are, Sweet Thang, and I better never hear of you running around fighting animals! You Beast! :laugh:

alcohole can do funny things to a person, unfortunatly for me i have some stupid immunity and i cant get drunk :( i try oh how i try but my dad being the heavy drinker he was must have given me some immunity and i have to much control over my mind (dam it) I WANT TO GET DRUNK! (how often do you hear that?)

:rolleyes:

Agreed. What are you on about, Naisy?