Soulmates: Romantic Notion or Immature Cop-Out?

well now that you realize that you didn't express yourself properly and that Delilah was correct in calling you on it, you can grovel at her feet for forgiveness.

Indeed, desiring that one's partner or potential mate shares the exact same viewpoints and tastes, is an exercise in narcissism, not love.

It seems that the term has a slightly different meaning on your side of the pond. What you describe here, I'd call "kindred spirits". "Soulmate" here, would be.... did you ever see "The Music Man"? Shirley Jones sits in a windowsill gazing wistfully out at nothing specific and sings "Goodnight, My Someone", convinced that out there, somewhere, is one man who is already her perfect opposite, and they just have to find each other.

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Review: Cabin in the Woods 8/10

I wouldn't date just to date, at this point, either. I enjoy staying home too much. The 'soulmate' thing is often used to get around the criteria you're mentioning here, though. It's the notion (in the way I've heard the term used, anyway) that you can click with someone physically and they can be exciting, and you can throw out any objective stuff, like intellectual connection or emotional intelligence. For instance, I know this couple... ex couple, actually... and he's an addict. And he said to her recently "you can't walk away from this. You and I are connected deeper than any of the details of our lives", trying to make her come back to him, despite the fact that he's totally incapable of actually having a relationship right now. It got me thinking.

even as a foot fetishist, i doubt it'll be in this life, my subjective lass

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We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

Shy, sexy Scottish scorpio, seeks hot chick for long romantic walks, candelight dinners, exciting trips abroad and a lifetime of love and romance.
Will settle for kinky sex and fast food though!!!!!

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Hey Pepe, would you say I have a plethora of presents?


Toga, toga, toga......


Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour?

The perfect one is the one you are in love with at this moment. Yes, I have found him, I hope

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

or kinky food and fast sex??

its not because im from england at all, its just that it think that the term soul mate doesnt have to be specific to people that we're in love with. I know what you mean when you're talking about soulmates I just dont think that it has to be a relationship with a partner. Even if I could prove that soulmates arent just relationship partners, i still wouldnt think that kindred spirits are the same as soulmates.


Incidentally I don't think theres someone for everyone. I think the idea of having one person out there who we're meant to be with is kind of like the lottery, out of how many billions of people on the earth, what are the chances of finding the one for you. Lucky for you if you find them and good luck to those that search but I'm happy finding someone to be happy with, not someone who im destined to be with.

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Undercoverlovers 100 REDUX

Ditto.

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Agreed. I think it's much more important to look for someone capable of resolving issues than one with whom you believe there won't be any.

More thoughts on love

I feel very strongly about differentiating between love and lust. Lust is an immediate emotion, commonly mistaken for love. Love is a concious choice that grows with time. I totally believe in true love. But I think that for a relationship to last it requires more than just love. A relationship needs commitment.

With my Calvinist inclination (I am not orthodox by any means), I suppose I do believe in soul mates. But of course there is a catch. I believe that two people can be romantic soul mates, essentially destined and made for eachother, but they both have to make a concious decision to make things work.

Soulmates are a romantic notion, but notion implies a sort of fairy-tale quality that midwestern sweethearts running a farm (the majority of soulmates I tell ya) never have. True romance to me, is love that endures. Soulmates become immature copouts when couples use it as an excuse to avoid asking eachother the hard questions. *It's in an immature coput to belive that love takes care of itself, or that love is all the provisions a relationship needs.

*I just realized that I've been somewhat doing this. I've avoided thinking about the religion question (he's Jewish, I am Christian), because I think that our connectivity will magically iron everything out.

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I am moved by fancies that are curled
Around these images, and cling:
The notion of some infinitely gentle
Infinitely suffering thing.
T.S Eliot, "Preludes"

Be afraid. be very afraid! Love is pain, with joys along the way. (or) Love is joy, with pains along the way.
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And now that the callous bumper sticker slogan is out of the way, back to the nuts and bolts of "the common malady of love" (see Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express, new, updated version).

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You know I just cant leave without saying that I feel that people are breaking down the great machine of marriage and happiness. And it sucks big time. Why, I sat there in the room with my office mate, who I should mention is a guy of questionable sexual preference (why that's important? seems...), and listened to him drone on into the phone to some random family member about a male friend who is thinking of leaving his marriage, NOT because he has problems w/the wife, but because they are more "like roommates" now.

There's no pizzazz, so hubby dearest cant "justify" staying married?

???

WHO raised these people?? I mean, what sadist conned these people into thinking that an ENTIRE life of monagamy would be like a gigantic, life long honeymoon, and continual orgasm, a spring break of all breaks? Really! Real simple. Real, real simple.

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something witty goes here......

I'd like to add to your thought Glittergirl. I also think that general happiness can be mistaken for love. If someone is generally miserable, and meets someone who shows them enough kindness to make them happy, I think that that happiness could easily be mistaken for love.

^

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Love is something we strive for and seldom get, now lust is something we can reach, often get and rarely strive for, lust wins sadly in this day and age, although I think love and companionship are not the myth some people seem to think it has become, there are soulmates out there as such, it's just maybe these days people don't settle for one person because society today (and the high divorce rate) dictates that people aren't in it for the long haul and divorce has IMO aided the get out for one or other partner when the going gets tough.

When my parents got married (and thank christ they did or I'd be a complete bastard!) the divorce rate then was low because people stuck it out and worked through the bad times to get them to the better times ahead, then the 70's hit and mum and dad got divorced.

If divorce were not available then soulmates might find their club not so exclusive.

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"You two are the two that are the two, I am the other one"

I'm a child of divorce myself, and as such I think it would be easy to assume that I would have an F*** you attitude to romance,love and all the trimmings.

However, I would like to think of myself as a fairly old fashioned romantic.I pull the chair out for my lady friends,I hold open doors,and most importantly,I LISTEN to them. This,I would think has something to do with being raised by three women,although,my two brothers are hardly the most romantic types(ones a PHD and a real cold fish and the other is a chef obsessed with sex).At the end of the day,I think divorce has had a profound effect on how we view the notion of love and the soulmates scenario. We are a generation born into broken homes and teenage pregnancy,where most couples could give a **** about being happy togther.They just want to be personally satisfied.And selfish attitudes are never a good foundation for a relationship.

I think being in a relationship is like being part of a painting in progress.You need to work on it for a real long time in order to divert the eye away from the brushstrokes.(Boy that's a metaphor stretched pretty thin,I know.)

Anyway,I still live in hope that the soulmate does exist. If it doesn't then I might just have to fall in love with myself.

Nor would murderers, but that's another thread.

Thanks for your thoughts, y'all, this has been a good read, so far.

I find myself in the same boat. Rest assured that for someone like you, there is a soulmate out there. Just make sure that you're ready for them when you meet them (even if it is yourself ).

Unfortuatly for some the better times didn't come, they were locked into bad relationships for ever, at least divorce allows these people to get out.