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Blue Valentine


Blue Valentine
(directed by Derek Cianfrance, 2010)



Blue Valentine is difficult to love. While it was a great movie, it disappoints in the end and the disappointment is not a flaw of the film itself, but rather the point of the film. This is a movie that tells us love at first sight does not exist. It is about a marriage that's coming to an end. It has a lot of beautiful moments and a lot of moments that would work divinely in happier romantic movies, but in this one, those moments craft a depressing, tragic story about two people who never should have met.

Those two people are played by Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams, as Dean and Cindy. They have a young daughter, Frankie, played by Faith Wladyka. The story begins with Frankie discovering that her dog is missing. Soon, it's revealed that the dog is dead. Dean and Cindy go away to one of those hotels that have themed rooms designed to let you enjoy fantasy sex. Dean and Cindy get the "Future" room, an outer space themed room with a revolving bed. Before they get there, Cindy bumps into her old boyfriend from a few years back and we realize that she's still got feelings for him. Cindy basically turns into a downer for the rest of the little getaway with her husband. Dean -- who is redneck hot and very, very sweet and playful -- just wants to make love and get drunk. Cindy confines herself to her moodiness and inner world.

Oh my god. Michelle Williams' character, Cindy, is the BIGGEST BITCH ever. I don't think I've hated a movie character more. I'm serious. Dean is the PERFECT guy --- for one thing, he has Ryan Gosling's body! On top of all of that, he's the most adorable guy you could meet. While I understand Cindy's attraction to her old boyfriend -- who used to be a hot wrestler -- you do what you gotta do and MOVE THE F--K ON.

The movie goes back and forth a lot between the past and the present, which irritated me somewhat because there was one scene where I got completely lost because I didn't realize we were back to the present already. We learn how Dean and Cindy meet. We see her past relationship with her ex-boyfriend, their breakup and how she moves on to Dean. We meet Cindy's family. We see a lot of sweet moments where Dean courted Cindy -- he's gorgeous. Think of Rocky Balboa to Adrian in the original Rocky movie.

But the problem is Cindy. I COULDN'T STAND HER! There was nothing all that sad about that breakup, really, because I'm glad for Dean -- I'm glad he's getting the hell away from that woman. She's a messed up person, herself. Her dad was violent and abusive. We see a scene where Cindy wants to be hit by Dean -- obviously, her dad has really screwed her up. But I don't care, SHE'S SCREWING UP RYAN GOSLING! So, the saddest thing about this breakup is that Dean wasted all of his time with her. This is a guy who really deserves someone special. He doesn't cheat on her or anything. He doesn't even look at other women. He does drink and smoke and he's not the richest guy in the world, but he was an absolutely adorable man and Cindy just trashes him. It just goes to prove that sometimes you do nothing wrong at all in a relationship -- it's the other person that's the problem. They f--k it all up. They think they deserve something better. Or they're so screwed up that they can't help but demolish something special they had. People who are dealing with issues involving relationships and breakups and are still questioning what happened should see Blue Valentine -- it is a refreshing examination of shi++y people and shi++y relationships.

And --- by the way --- thanks a lot, Michelle Williams, for taking up too much time showing your naked filthy ass. GUESS WHAT!!! Ryan Gosling finally gets naked and shows his ass! It was magnificent. But he shows it only ONE time... Michelle Williams is CONSTANTLY getting naked, though. URGH! She's naked having sex with her ex-boyfriend, naked in the shower, naked having sex with Ryan Gosling, who's on top of her -- why the hell would they aim the camera at her breasts during that?! She's naked when he goes down on her, she's spreading her legs wide open at the doctor's office for an abortion. This character was the WORST character in all of cinematic history -- why the hell does she have to get more nude scenes?!

Honestly, when this movie ended, I hoped her character died soon after. Or I hope there's gonna be a Blue Valentine 2 where she dies an agonizing death -- hopefully a quick one at 80 minutes or less. I really, really, really hated her mistreatment of Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling, by the way... I just watched him in All Good Things, too... that is one FINE MoFo. Jake Gyllenhaal, I think it might be over between us. I'd hate to treat ya like Michelle Williams treated Ryan in this movie, though... could we possibly have a triad relationship, maybe? Or maybe you guys could become one big, giant mass of sexy man -- the two of them should be siamese twins. Oooooh, I'd love to trap myself between that sandwich. Get the Hellmann's!

Final Word: I'm not sure what to make of this movie. I'll say this -- damn realistic. Very good movie, regardless of the outcome. Ryan Gosling's character is single again -- considering his former wife was a witch, it's actually the happiest ending ever.