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House of 1000 Corpses
(directed by Rob Zombie, 2003)
This movie is Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!
Thank god I never cared about it. So many horror "buffs" have been like "Well, when is this movie going to come out?! It's Rob Zombie's movie! It is going to reinvent the old style of horror films!"
BULL****.
For those of you who've been waiting three or so years for it's wide release, you wasted valuable thinking/obsessive time. Furthermore, there's nothing VALUABLE about this movie. It's a complete and utter ripoff. Rob Zombie, who's full of himself, designed a freakish carnival ride that's as tricky as a hall of mirrors and about as boring as... well, trying to think of something boring. (Sorry, I don't like to be bored, which unfortunately, I was last night.) It should have been called House of 1000 Yawns.
Step by step: Movie begins with a very short prologue of some Dr. Frankenstein guy opening the film, kinda like the Cryptkeeper before his tales or Elvira before her movies. However, it's really short, and really forgettable, which is basically what the whole movie is. I won't bore with you all the details, but it's incredibly lacking in originality. There's nothing bold, there's nothing new, it's all very modern and updated, however, I get the feeling that they tried, miserably, to not be pop-culturish. It's set in 1977 ~ the 70s were when big, gritty and dark horror films like Texas Chainaw Massacre and Halloween came out. Four young adults are traveling on the highway, visiting little stops on the way as research for a book they're writing. They come across Captain Spaulding's place, it's like a gas station only with a ride in the back, where you learn about murderers as a fat, ugly clown gives you the tour. They pick up a hitchhiker, who I thought was Madonna. Somehow, her Music tour bus left her, so she hitches a ride from the foursome, and she acts all giggly and horny in her cowboy hat. Then they go to the House of 1000 Corpses (!) which is home to Anna Nicole Smith's mom, Karen Black, as "Mother Firefly". And then there's this Dr. Satan guy, people die, but not before being tortured, with fake body parts everywhere, and an annoying redneck screaming at them all the time, while Madonna and Anna Nicole Smith's mom run around doing god-knows-what....
You can barely understand what's going on. A lot of the movie is very psychadelic -- scenes cut in at random, flashing across the screen, colors fading out to that weird psychadelic look --- it's very much a ripoff (or homage!) to Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers.
Now! Let's get to the point about this Texas Chainsaw Massacre business. People saying that this film is just like TCM, and that it's a return to the old style of horror films from that heyday, ARE OUT OF THEIR MIND. No way does 1000 Corpses resemble TCM. It may steal a 1000 ideas from TCM, making it a huge "homage!" to that film, but there is no substance, no emotional merits, NOTHING that would compare 1000 Corpses to the terrifying, electric, mad film Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It is pure garbage in its intellectual and emotional worth as a horror film. It is embarrassing.
My friend who I saw it with loved it, claiming that it would be so popular soon and it will be a cult film, and that he wants to take a group of people next time to see it. I just
. It really annoys me. I love GOOD horror films, even those that got bad reviews when they first came out, like Hellraiser. This is far from that. If anyone wants to battle with me over the pros and CONS of this movie, please, have at me. But for now, all I've got to say is....
Do watch it alone ... spare your friends!
NOTE: This review was originally posted here on April 12, 2003.
(directed by Rob Zombie, 2003)
This movie is Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!
Thank god I never cared about it. So many horror "buffs" have been like "Well, when is this movie going to come out?! It's Rob Zombie's movie! It is going to reinvent the old style of horror films!"
BULL****.
For those of you who've been waiting three or so years for it's wide release, you wasted valuable thinking/obsessive time. Furthermore, there's nothing VALUABLE about this movie. It's a complete and utter ripoff. Rob Zombie, who's full of himself, designed a freakish carnival ride that's as tricky as a hall of mirrors and about as boring as... well, trying to think of something boring. (Sorry, I don't like to be bored, which unfortunately, I was last night.) It should have been called House of 1000 Yawns.
Step by step: Movie begins with a very short prologue of some Dr. Frankenstein guy opening the film, kinda like the Cryptkeeper before his tales or Elvira before her movies. However, it's really short, and really forgettable, which is basically what the whole movie is. I won't bore with you all the details, but it's incredibly lacking in originality. There's nothing bold, there's nothing new, it's all very modern and updated, however, I get the feeling that they tried, miserably, to not be pop-culturish. It's set in 1977 ~ the 70s were when big, gritty and dark horror films like Texas Chainaw Massacre and Halloween came out. Four young adults are traveling on the highway, visiting little stops on the way as research for a book they're writing. They come across Captain Spaulding's place, it's like a gas station only with a ride in the back, where you learn about murderers as a fat, ugly clown gives you the tour. They pick up a hitchhiker, who I thought was Madonna. Somehow, her Music tour bus left her, so she hitches a ride from the foursome, and she acts all giggly and horny in her cowboy hat. Then they go to the House of 1000 Corpses (!) which is home to Anna Nicole Smith's mom, Karen Black, as "Mother Firefly". And then there's this Dr. Satan guy, people die, but not before being tortured, with fake body parts everywhere, and an annoying redneck screaming at them all the time, while Madonna and Anna Nicole Smith's mom run around doing god-knows-what....
You can barely understand what's going on. A lot of the movie is very psychadelic -- scenes cut in at random, flashing across the screen, colors fading out to that weird psychadelic look --- it's very much a ripoff (or homage!) to Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers.
Now! Let's get to the point about this Texas Chainsaw Massacre business. People saying that this film is just like TCM, and that it's a return to the old style of horror films from that heyday, ARE OUT OF THEIR MIND. No way does 1000 Corpses resemble TCM. It may steal a 1000 ideas from TCM, making it a huge "homage!" to that film, but there is no substance, no emotional merits, NOTHING that would compare 1000 Corpses to the terrifying, electric, mad film Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It is pure garbage in its intellectual and emotional worth as a horror film. It is embarrassing.
My friend who I saw it with loved it, claiming that it would be so popular soon and it will be a cult film, and that he wants to take a group of people next time to see it. I just
. It really annoys me. I love GOOD horror films, even those that got bad reviews when they first came out, like Hellraiser. This is far from that. If anyone wants to battle with me over the pros and CONS of this movie, please, have at me. But for now, all I've got to say is....Do watch it alone ... spare your friends!
NOTE: This review was originally posted here on April 12, 2003.