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I'll be reviewing other movies during Rocky Week. But you aren't gonna like this one. I'm always on the search for the next stinkburger of a film. MST3K is not the only place to find the worst movies. I found one by sheer luck by going to Deviantart to browse the front page, and for whatever reason, a certain VHS cover was uploaded there. So I looked it u[p, found that it was quite hated, and decided to brave this frog movie, and it ain't The Brave Frog.
You are in fact seeing this poster here. I admit it.
OK, so get this. A magic prince named Frederick sees his father die, is turned into a frog by his Aunt Messina who can change into a snake, grows up with other frogs and grows to the size of a human during his adult years. And for whatever reason, he lives on to the 20th century and eventually becomes a French spy. So now, Messina is making historical and important buildings around the world disappear, and Freddie's on the case.
Now the movie features Ben Kingsley as Freddie, and includes Jonathan Pryce of Brazil, Jenny Agutter from Logan's Run and An American Werewolf in London, Nigel Hawthrone from Gandhi and Disney's Tarzan and Brian Blessed from Tarzan and a million other things. The movie features music by George Benson, Grace Jones, Boy George and Asia. They were able to pay for all of this on top of a huge marketing campaign.
What a waste of everything.
OK, I admit that Kingsley is effing brilliant. They guy was able to pull off The Hood in that lame live-action Thunderbirds movie, butting heads with a show-stealing Bill Paxton as Jeff Tracy. But his performance in this movie is just boring. It's hard to believe that Ben Kingsley couldn't play a Frenchman with his diverse talents, and here we are. None of the big name actors stand out. In fact, their characters are often so thin that they do literally nothing, especially Freddie's sidekicks.
As you likely already guessed, the plot didn't make any sense. It would've been better as an episode of The Fairly Oddparents. This so called spy movie rarely ever feels like a spy movie under all the laserlights and magic effects. The movie is an unorganized combination of sci-fi, spy and fantasy tropes with uneven levels of balance, and so there is little to actually appeal to anyone looking for any type of good genre movie except maybe fantasy.
Another thing to pay attention to was the animation. Now there were times when the animation and the direction were actually fine. The machines were creepy, the cinematography was fine and the scenery was well-put together. But the characters were utter failures. Their motions were extremely awkward and thrown together with little sense of either budget or realism. And not only are they poorly acted by this big-name cast, but most of the characters look just plain ugly. The only design that I liked was Freddie, who wasn't an ugly frog. Every human, however, was either lacking in spark or so poorly-drawn that it's impossible to believe that anyone thought those designs were good ideas! Hell, two biker crows in the first act are so utterly annoying and horribly-drawn during their 60 seconds on screen that in that short time they make Jar Jar Binks look like a best friend.
And there is one more extremely important criticism that needs to be addressed: Evilmainya. It is not a cult. It is not a gaming website. It is a musical number sung by the villainess. Evilmainya was the single worst musical sequence I have EVER seen in a movie, and I got through nine Land Before Time sequels. The woman is barely singing the very few drawn out lyrics she's given, and the direction of the music number is absolutely horrendous and simple-minded. There's nothing that stands out. It's just the snake woman olding a microphone and singing to her troops while the other villain (Brian Blessed) laughs in reverb AGAIN.
OK, if not for the (usually) decent cinematography, this movie would be an absolute zero. This is not something you should ever have to buy your kids, so don't be fooled by the star-studded cast. This movie is a complete waste of time. It's not Camillo Teti bad, but it's really bad. Thankfully, Jon Acevski never directed another film.
= 6/100
Freddie as F.R.O.7
(1992) - Directed by Jon Acevski
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Boxing / Drama
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"Oh, Freddie! Give me frogs any day!"
(1992) - Directed by Jon Acevski
--------------------------------------------
Boxing / Drama
-------------------------------------------------
"Oh, Freddie! Give me frogs any day!"
You are in fact seeing this poster here. I admit it.
Now the movie features Ben Kingsley as Freddie, and includes Jonathan Pryce of Brazil, Jenny Agutter from Logan's Run and An American Werewolf in London, Nigel Hawthrone from Gandhi and Disney's Tarzan and Brian Blessed from Tarzan and a million other things. The movie features music by George Benson, Grace Jones, Boy George and Asia. They were able to pay for all of this on top of a huge marketing campaign.
What a waste of everything.
OK, I admit that Kingsley is effing brilliant. They guy was able to pull off The Hood in that lame live-action Thunderbirds movie, butting heads with a show-stealing Bill Paxton as Jeff Tracy. But his performance in this movie is just boring. It's hard to believe that Ben Kingsley couldn't play a Frenchman with his diverse talents, and here we are. None of the big name actors stand out. In fact, their characters are often so thin that they do literally nothing, especially Freddie's sidekicks.
As you likely already guessed, the plot didn't make any sense. It would've been better as an episode of The Fairly Oddparents. This so called spy movie rarely ever feels like a spy movie under all the laserlights and magic effects. The movie is an unorganized combination of sci-fi, spy and fantasy tropes with uneven levels of balance, and so there is little to actually appeal to anyone looking for any type of good genre movie except maybe fantasy.
Another thing to pay attention to was the animation. Now there were times when the animation and the direction were actually fine. The machines were creepy, the cinematography was fine and the scenery was well-put together. But the characters were utter failures. Their motions were extremely awkward and thrown together with little sense of either budget or realism. And not only are they poorly acted by this big-name cast, but most of the characters look just plain ugly. The only design that I liked was Freddie, who wasn't an ugly frog. Every human, however, was either lacking in spark or so poorly-drawn that it's impossible to believe that anyone thought those designs were good ideas! Hell, two biker crows in the first act are so utterly annoying and horribly-drawn during their 60 seconds on screen that in that short time they make Jar Jar Binks look like a best friend.
And there is one more extremely important criticism that needs to be addressed: Evilmainya. It is not a cult. It is not a gaming website. It is a musical number sung by the villainess. Evilmainya was the single worst musical sequence I have EVER seen in a movie, and I got through nine Land Before Time sequels. The woman is barely singing the very few drawn out lyrics she's given, and the direction of the music number is absolutely horrendous and simple-minded. There's nothing that stands out. It's just the snake woman olding a microphone and singing to her troops while the other villain (Brian Blessed) laughs in reverb AGAIN.
OK, if not for the (usually) decent cinematography, this movie would be an absolute zero. This is not something you should ever have to buy your kids, so don't be fooled by the star-studded cast. This movie is a complete waste of time. It's not Camillo Teti bad, but it's really bad. Thankfully, Jon Acevski never directed another film.
= 6/100