← Back to Reviews
in
18th
Hall of Fame
Split
1989
/img3/item/638/072/383/o_split-1989-rare-sci-fi-drama-dvd-ca89.jpg)
When the movie started, I didn’t want to just split the scene right away… I wanted to split every scene, of almost every second, of this filmic feculence... I wanted to get away, get out, go under the radar, run away, retreat, evacuate, depart, leave, simply anything in the world that would mean I didn’t have to watch anymore of this agonizing endurance test of absolute torture.
Seeing the main character scream about a freaking straw was already the last straw for me... I mean, there was basically no story – at least for the first many, many, many minutes it just felt like random scenes, random characters and random events happening – and happening in a way that makes you question whether what’s happening is actually happening at all – and not in a good way. Actually, mostly in a way of doubting whether anything so otherworldly awful can actually be something you willingly watch as a film-lover?
The only time I felt something that somewhat represented one-part of half of a quarter of a percentage of interest was when he met that one woman. That was the only time I felt the movie somehow managed to raise a level up on the Bristol stool chart. Simply put, the mere exercise of watching this film-diarrhea made me feel sick, wondering if this movie would have the same effect on me as when you watch someone yawn and you do it too? I prayed to God it wouldn’t, because I was on a public bus… Anyways, I guess there was some sort of ongoing theme, just like when an intense infection makes you run to the bathroom multiple times during a day, this movie did have a theme of big brother like surveillance, but it was done in the same sh*tty way every time. The look, the feel, the everything of this movie was just bad.
Sh*t, eh excuse me Split, is endlessly exasperating excrement of experimental sci-fi punk-trash, which might be a number two, but it will be dead last on my list, that’s for damn sure… I will try my best to flush this out of my memory as quickly as possible. “Straaaaw” Fuuuuuuuck!
Hall of Fame
Split
1989
When the movie started, I didn’t want to just split the scene right away… I wanted to split every scene, of almost every second, of this filmic feculence... I wanted to get away, get out, go under the radar, run away, retreat, evacuate, depart, leave, simply anything in the world that would mean I didn’t have to watch anymore of this agonizing endurance test of absolute torture.
Seeing the main character scream about a freaking straw was already the last straw for me... I mean, there was basically no story – at least for the first many, many, many minutes it just felt like random scenes, random characters and random events happening – and happening in a way that makes you question whether what’s happening is actually happening at all – and not in a good way. Actually, mostly in a way of doubting whether anything so otherworldly awful can actually be something you willingly watch as a film-lover?
The only time I felt something that somewhat represented one-part of half of a quarter of a percentage of interest was when he met that one woman. That was the only time I felt the movie somehow managed to raise a level up on the Bristol stool chart. Simply put, the mere exercise of watching this film-diarrhea made me feel sick, wondering if this movie would have the same effect on me as when you watch someone yawn and you do it too? I prayed to God it wouldn’t, because I was on a public bus… Anyways, I guess there was some sort of ongoing theme, just like when an intense infection makes you run to the bathroom multiple times during a day, this movie did have a theme of big brother like surveillance, but it was done in the same sh*tty way every time. The look, the feel, the everything of this movie was just bad.
Sh*t, eh excuse me Split, is endlessly exasperating excrement of experimental sci-fi punk-trash, which might be a number two, but it will be dead last on my list, that’s for damn sure… I will try my best to flush this out of my memory as quickly as possible. “Straaaaw” Fuuuuuuuck!