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Eating dinner with my in-laws over Easter weekend. Stepping on a Lego barefoot in the middle of the night. Get out of my warm bed and step on a cold floor. Take a dump at a girl's house, then discover there is no toilet paper. Sleep over at a friend's house and accidentally piss myself. These are the things I would rather do than watch Rings.
That darn tape is at it again, this time it goes viral.
Rings is an incoherent, inconsistent mess of a film. The original, Ringu, was scary because of the low-fi aspect to the horror. It's an outdated media source, a VHS tape that shows you horrifying images. Then a little girl calls you saying 7 days, then she finally crawls out of a TV to kill you. That is terrifying and the remake managed to capture most of that inspiration. Now we have to update it, we just have to, kids these days won't want to go see a film about a killer VHS tape. Now we have .mov files that kill people. Who is 'hot' right now? Leonard from Big Bang Theory? Let's throw him in, but lose the glasses and give him some scruff. Yeah, we want him to look cool.
I should have known, I really should have known after the opening sequence on the plane that it was a bad idea to continue watching this train wreck. A poorly executed opening deals with a guy who spells out the entire premise of the movie to a stranger on plane. "I look worried and like crap because I watched this film with bad images on it, then got a phone call saying I'll die in seven days....that was exactly seven days ago!!!" I want to say that I'm paraphrasing, but that quote is 95% accurate. He runs to the bathroom with a bleeding nose and the stranger tells her friend that the guy is crazy. But no, her friend watched it too. She knows what he is going through and runs to ask him if he copied the tape and showed it to anyone. I guess not. Every screen flickers and changes to the well. Even at 30+ thousand feet, you are not safe.
The film then takes the detective route of cursed people trying to find the answers. This is a bad rehash of the first film, adding nothing more to the mythology or the horror. This is a film that wants to cash in on the brand name but doesn't understand the consumer. I haven't seen The Ring 2, but this is worse. This is a film that has no idea where it wants to go, how to get there, who will be along for the ride or what vehicle it will be taking. Rings is bad, it's appallingly bad. I need to stop this review now before I get an aneurysm.
Rings
(F. Javier Gutiérrez)
(F. Javier Gutiérrez)
Eating dinner with my in-laws over Easter weekend. Stepping on a Lego barefoot in the middle of the night. Get out of my warm bed and step on a cold floor. Take a dump at a girl's house, then discover there is no toilet paper. Sleep over at a friend's house and accidentally piss myself. These are the things I would rather do than watch Rings.
That darn tape is at it again, this time it goes viral.
Rings is an incoherent, inconsistent mess of a film. The original, Ringu, was scary because of the low-fi aspect to the horror. It's an outdated media source, a VHS tape that shows you horrifying images. Then a little girl calls you saying 7 days, then she finally crawls out of a TV to kill you. That is terrifying and the remake managed to capture most of that inspiration. Now we have to update it, we just have to, kids these days won't want to go see a film about a killer VHS tape. Now we have .mov files that kill people. Who is 'hot' right now? Leonard from Big Bang Theory? Let's throw him in, but lose the glasses and give him some scruff. Yeah, we want him to look cool.
I should have known, I really should have known after the opening sequence on the plane that it was a bad idea to continue watching this train wreck. A poorly executed opening deals with a guy who spells out the entire premise of the movie to a stranger on plane. "I look worried and like crap because I watched this film with bad images on it, then got a phone call saying I'll die in seven days....that was exactly seven days ago!!!" I want to say that I'm paraphrasing, but that quote is 95% accurate. He runs to the bathroom with a bleeding nose and the stranger tells her friend that the guy is crazy. But no, her friend watched it too. She knows what he is going through and runs to ask him if he copied the tape and showed it to anyone. I guess not. Every screen flickers and changes to the well. Even at 30+ thousand feet, you are not safe.
The film then takes the detective route of cursed people trying to find the answers. This is a bad rehash of the first film, adding nothing more to the mythology or the horror. This is a film that wants to cash in on the brand name but doesn't understand the consumer. I haven't seen The Ring 2, but this is worse. This is a film that has no idea where it wants to go, how to get there, who will be along for the ride or what vehicle it will be taking. Rings is bad, it's appallingly bad. I need to stop this review now before I get an aneurysm.