← Back to Reviews
 

The Bourne Identity




The Bourne Identity
Action Thriller / English / 2002

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.

I know I've at least seen one full Bourne movie and bits of others, but I don't think I've seen Bourne Identity.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Fishing and a Dog.

I have seen The Bourne Identity, but the only scene I remember is the only clip of it I saved to my super secret collection of movie clips which I keep stored in a bombproof sensorproof bunker 3 miles beneath an inconspicuous coffee shop in Paris.

It's the scene where they're at the house and looking for the dog and when the birds stop chirping Bourne's all "get in the basement" and leaves to surprise an assassin with a shotgun explosion.

Overall I gotta say it's fine movie, but it is forgettable and I feel that that's purely by virtue of it's generic concept (black ops agent loses memory, government tries to tie up loose end) and that it doesn't have much of it's own personality other than exactly what you'd expect from a big budget action Hollywood movie with just enough going for it to put asses in theater seats.

Even not having seen much of the other movies, I am inclined to agree that Bourne is far too boring of a character to carry on with, but I'll admit that his presentation as a once stone-cold-killer turned someone who doesn't even want to carry a gun or endanger children is a enough to keep me somewhat invested, at least in this arc of his story.



It's rather frustrating to try and come to terms with a government organization, given speed by bureaucracy, that has no qualms with just killing it's employees the moment they make a mistake, like it's expected. It's certainly not the kind of movie that reinforces one's faith in the government, especially when the real-world government is more than guilty of much of the same. It disgusts me the society that breeds this sort of system.

Not much a happy ending either if the organization folds only to be resurrected into a new one. That's clearly the most important conflict here, Bourne renting out that scooter didn't really hold much suspense for me.

OH, BUT WAIT! It wasn't the scooter that was important, it was their RELATIONSHIP which is sufficiently handwaved with some exposition about our leading lady being a drifter to begin with, come for the money and stay for the action, right? That works, but NO.

I have groaned and whinged no harder than when that inevitable kiss comes right the flying **** out of nowhere. And it's presumed they had sex?

How is that anything other than a profoundly stupid idea? Mmmm, yes, gotta cut yourself a slice a dat Matt Damon poontang. You have only what you can take with you, DID YOU BRING CONDOMS??? Nooo? Let's assume you did and then ask ourselves what a lovely situation we would find ourselves in if Leading Lady STILL got herself knocked up by the violent stranger on the run from the law THAT WANTS TO KILL THEM?

NICE. Stupid bitch.


Final Verdict:
[Pretty Good]