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Dirty Pair: Project Eden (Dub) Status: COMPLETE
Movie
Dirty Pair: Project Eden is considered by some to be the ultimate summation of the Dirty Pair series. If that's true, I am once again disappointed.
Firstly, I like the concept of Dirty Pair: Two female "trouble consultants" with a reputation for creating a spectacular amount of collateral damage take missions to fight crime and alien abominations in a retrofuture setting. HELLS YES.
And what else? This is the style they're going for:
Okay, let's be honest, with Yuri raising her leg like that and Kei crouching, the whole focus of the image zones straight into her crotch which really isn't a great sign, BUT IGNORE THAT, look at everything else. It's retro, it's sci-fi, it's gadgety, it's over-designed, it's B-MOVIE SLEAZE and that's just about exactly what you get.
The positives out of the way first: Project Eden is AWESOMELY animated.
Lots of neon colors, visual effects, heavily detailed backgrounds, computer monitors of all kinds, and surprisingly well-animated, Project Eden is nothing if not a feast for the eyes. It opens up like James Bond and it looks like the quality of something made today, except this was made in the 80s, and it certainly FEELS 80s.
Mostly because of the style of music, which doesn't really kick in until the climax, but the music seems to be the single biggest thing that wants to steal the show since the movie's sound effects become weirdly muted during huge action sequences which essentially presents those scenes as music videos.
It's not entirely unlike a music video either since the characters themselves seem exactly like the kind of thing you'd see in an 80s music video. There's one sequence early on where Yuri is just dancing to the background music for no apparent reason. She even winks at the camera near the end of the movie like there's no fourth wall at all.
Now, while you're totally observing only her eyes in that image, I'm sure it will come as a surprise when I point out that she actually has breasts too. Not just breasts, but exposed cleavage with jiggle physics to boot.
Let me be clear here: If you want to have skimpily clad girls in your movie, that's totally cool with me. I honestly don't care.
I only have a problem with it when it's absorbing the camera's attention away from something ACTUALLY IMPORTANT or presented in a demonstrably sexist context.
Fortunately that doesn't happen here, in fact our male lead is stuck in his boxers for the majority of the movie too, so it seems fair. HOWEVER...
I have a big problem with WORDS. *SHOCK GASP!*
Namely, the words that come out of these characters mouths.
The sort that form sentences. The sentences that echo one of the most damning godawful tropes in movies and television shows that I WILL NEVER EVER GET OVER:
This isn't just any old ordinary Overnight Romance either, oh no, this is the special variety with an extra dose of offensive!
Let's go over the identifying symptoms:
1.) A minimum of one character expresses an irrational attraction with another given character after literally knowing them for less time in-universe that the actual run-length of the movie.
2. The scriptwriter demonstrates horrible chemistry and sexual discrimination with offensive stereotypes of both men and women.
3. Both characters literally try to kill each other out of hate.
4. Story concludes with a Frodo.
5. But not really.
Dirty Pair: Project Eden gets a couple other things wrong like having relatively sub-par voice acting and spending a gratuitous amount of time on the mad scientist just monologuing incessantly to himself. The story's instantly forgettable too, all it serves to do is put the characters together in a place where aliens and explosions can drive the action.
The movie ends on a pretty fantastic climax in which the characters inexplicably pull those cyber-suits from the poster out of their ass and just wreak mayhem to 80s pop for several minutes before we dramatically cut to silence when Carson gets stabbed by a lightsaber.
Honestly, it's the coolest part of the whole movie, and it made me wish all of the dialog, story, and set up was cut out just so we could have a crazy long 80s sci-fi anime music video montage of girls in bikinis shooting lasers, bazookas, cluster missiles, and swinging lightsabers at a mad scientist and his legion of aliens for 40 minutes.
It'd be shallow as hell, but it'd be one glorious piece of trash.
It'd kinda be like what Lollipop Chainsaw would be if it were a movie.
Movie
Dirty Pair: Project Eden is considered by some to be the ultimate summation of the Dirty Pair series. If that's true, I am once again disappointed.
Firstly, I like the concept of Dirty Pair: Two female "trouble consultants" with a reputation for creating a spectacular amount of collateral damage take missions to fight crime and alien abominations in a retrofuture setting. HELLS YES.
And what else? This is the style they're going for:
Okay, let's be honest, with Yuri raising her leg like that and Kei crouching, the whole focus of the image zones straight into her crotch which really isn't a great sign, BUT IGNORE THAT, look at everything else. It's retro, it's sci-fi, it's gadgety, it's over-designed, it's B-MOVIE SLEAZE and that's just about exactly what you get.
The positives out of the way first: Project Eden is AWESOMELY animated.
Lots of neon colors, visual effects, heavily detailed backgrounds, computer monitors of all kinds, and surprisingly well-animated, Project Eden is nothing if not a feast for the eyes. It opens up like James Bond and it looks like the quality of something made today, except this was made in the 80s, and it certainly FEELS 80s.
Mostly because of the style of music, which doesn't really kick in until the climax, but the music seems to be the single biggest thing that wants to steal the show since the movie's sound effects become weirdly muted during huge action sequences which essentially presents those scenes as music videos.
It's not entirely unlike a music video either since the characters themselves seem exactly like the kind of thing you'd see in an 80s music video. There's one sequence early on where Yuri is just dancing to the background music for no apparent reason. She even winks at the camera near the end of the movie like there's no fourth wall at all.
Now, while you're totally observing only her eyes in that image, I'm sure it will come as a surprise when I point out that she actually has breasts too. Not just breasts, but exposed cleavage with jiggle physics to boot.
Let me be clear here: If you want to have skimpily clad girls in your movie, that's totally cool with me. I honestly don't care.
I only have a problem with it when it's absorbing the camera's attention away from something ACTUALLY IMPORTANT or presented in a demonstrably sexist context.
Fortunately that doesn't happen here, in fact our male lead is stuck in his boxers for the majority of the movie too, so it seems fair. HOWEVER...
I have a big problem with WORDS. *SHOCK GASP!*
Namely, the words that come out of these characters mouths.
The sort that form sentences. The sentences that echo one of the most damning godawful tropes in movies and television shows that I WILL NEVER EVER GET OVER:
Overnight Romance
A.K.A. Love At First Sight
A.K.A. Love At First Sight
This isn't just any old ordinary Overnight Romance either, oh no, this is the special variety with an extra dose of offensive!
Let's go over the identifying symptoms:
1.) A minimum of one character expresses an irrational attraction with another given character after literally knowing them for less time in-universe that the actual run-length of the movie.
Yuri: Let's go.
Kei: You mean, just leave him lying here?
Yuri: Well he did leave us behind.
Kei: He might be injured, maybe even-
Yuri: You IN LOVE!?
Kei: You mean, just leave him lying here?
Yuri: Well he did leave us behind.
Kei: He might be injured, maybe even-
Yuri: You IN LOVE!?
Carson: I heard that you're IN LOVE with me. Even if you act cold to me, I'd know that.
Kei: ...Just because you're a little handsome, don't... be so darn vain...
Carson: I won't tell you not to fall in love with me, but if you like me, act like it.
Kei: ...Just because you're a little handsome, don't... be so darn vain...
Carson: I won't tell you not to fall in love with me, but if you like me, act like it.
2. The scriptwriter demonstrates horrible chemistry and sexual discrimination with offensive stereotypes of both men and women.
*male lead picks up a large object by himself*
*both female leads struggle and fail to lift an identical object cooperatively*
*both female leads struggle and fail to lift an identical object cooperatively*
Kei: Oh, I hit him too hard.
Yuri: He's just too weak, even for a man.
Yuri: He's just too weak, even for a man.
Carson: How heavy are you two girls!?
Kei: It's not that bad, a REAL man would have been able to support us.
Carson: What!? I kept quiet because you're women, because you're so annoying like a little **** of minnows swimming in front of my eyes!
Kei: A little **** of minnows?!
Yuri: *bursts out crying*
Kei: It's not that bad, a REAL man would have been able to support us.
Carson: What!? I kept quiet because you're women, because you're so annoying like a little **** of minnows swimming in front of my eyes!
Kei: A little **** of minnows?!
Yuri: *bursts out crying*
Carson: Be a good girl, don't bother me.
Kei: Only trash listens to a woman sleeptalk!
Carson: Don't you dare jump on me, I didn't want to listen to your crazy talk anyway! And I'll give you a really good warning right now, there's no one that didn't get wrecked after they hit me, got it!?
Kei: W-What do you mean by that?
Carson: You know what I mean, I'm telling you that you're the worst possible kind!
Carson: Don't you dare jump on me, I didn't want to listen to your crazy talk anyway! And I'll give you a really good warning right now, there's no one that didn't get wrecked after they hit me, got it!?
Kei: W-What do you mean by that?
Carson: You know what I mean, I'm telling you that you're the worst possible kind!
3. Both characters literally try to kill each other out of hate.
*Kei fires weapons at Carson repeatedly*
*Kei kicks Carson in the head*
*Carson punches Kei in the face*
*Kei slaps Carson in the face*
4. Story concludes with a Frodo.
Carson: I messed it all up. I'm so unlucky. I'll really miss being a professional. *heavy breathing*
Kei: That's not true, you're a real pro, a professional thief... *watery eyes*
Carson: You almost make me feel good.
Kei: That's not true, you're a real pro, a professional thief... *watery eyes*
Carson: You almost make me feel good.
5. But not really.
Dirty Pair: Project Eden gets a couple other things wrong like having relatively sub-par voice acting and spending a gratuitous amount of time on the mad scientist just monologuing incessantly to himself. The story's instantly forgettable too, all it serves to do is put the characters together in a place where aliens and explosions can drive the action.
The movie ends on a pretty fantastic climax in which the characters inexplicably pull those cyber-suits from the poster out of their ass and just wreak mayhem to 80s pop for several minutes before we dramatically cut to silence when Carson gets stabbed by a lightsaber.
Honestly, it's the coolest part of the whole movie, and it made me wish all of the dialog, story, and set up was cut out just so we could have a crazy long 80s sci-fi anime music video montage of girls in bikinis shooting lasers, bazookas, cluster missiles, and swinging lightsabers at a mad scientist and his legion of aliens for 40 minutes.
It'd be shallow as hell, but it'd be one glorious piece of trash.
It'd kinda be like what Lollipop Chainsaw would be if it were a movie.
Why aren't those things, things?
Final Verdict: [Friggen' Awesome][Pretty Good][Meh...][Just... Bad][Irredeemably Awful]
Final Verdict: [Friggen' Awesome][Pretty Good][Meh...][Just... Bad][Irredeemably Awful]