Weeman's (rather snarky) Reviews

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The Brave Little Weeman Returns!
Weeman's (rather snarky) Reviews

I've been here almost a month now, so its about time I got off my bum and did something. Hence, review thread!


These reviews (if you can call them that) will be as slick and lovely as Jesus Quintana's hair.
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Reviews





The Brave Little Weeman Returns!
A nice gentle start...

The Watch





There comes a time in every actor's career where they sit down and think to themselves, "What am I doing? Why am I always in such terrible films?". That man today, ladies and gentlemen, is Vince Vaughan. I hear you gasp in shock! Surely not Vince Vaughan! What film could possibly be that bad? What's “The Watch”?




Go away now, please.


Of course, I speak not of the Italian progressive rock band with the same name, but the film, “The Watch” starring Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughan, Jonah Hill (why does he still take garbage like this?) and, new to the Hollywood arena, Richard Ayoade, from the British sitcom, The I.T. Crowd. Admittedly at first this seemed like a strange casting choice, but as the film progresses, it becomes clear why Ayoade was a decent shot-in-the-dark.


The film itself centres around the death of a security guard at the local Costco (you couldn't dream up this level of product placement could you?). The manager of the Costco, Evan Trautwig, sets up a “Neighbourhood Watch” in response to the killing, in order to find his employee's murderer. What they don't realise is that the murders are being committed by a wandering alien, and the foursome are tasked with saving the world from the alien threat.


The major issue I have with the film is the weak, oh so very weak script. The jokes just don't work and I can only remember myself chuckling at two/three moments throughout the film, two involving Ayoade. For a comedy, lack of jokes is suicide, and it feels as if Ben Stiller has a pistol raised to the side of his head throughout this entire ordeal. Stiller plays a weak version of Gaylord Focker, Vaughan shouts more or less every crap line he's given, Hill should not be starring in this garbage anymore because he has a burgeoning career and Ayoade is the saving grace amongst the main cast, giving a decent performance, albeit one which probably won't gain him many friends in Hollywood circles.


In a nutshell, The Watch is predictable, mindless nonsense which you should not be put through. Find a better Ben Stiller film. Like Zoolander. Blue Steel.




You're right, The Watch was an awful movie. It was disappointing because the trailer was really funny.

I really like Vince Vaughn but he hasn't done a good movie since Wedding Crashers.



"Hey Look it's Masterman"
You're right, The Watch was an awful movie. It was disappointing because the trailer was really funny.

I really like Vince Vaughn but he hasn't done a good movie since Wedding Crashers.
He's never done a good movie yet .



He's never done a good movie yet .
Depends how you define "doing" a movie. He was in Into the Wild, briefly. That's one of my favourite movies, thought not because of Vince Vaughn, of course. I've heard good things about Swingers, too.



I thought The Watch had some funny moments, but there were way too few. Like you said, the biggest issue was the weak script, which I recently heard was written by one of the guys from The Lonely Island. I say he should stick to music.



He's never done a good movie yet .
I love Wedding Crashers and Old School and also quite like Clay Pigeons, Swingers, and Return to Paradise. He's also good in Anchorman.



The Brave Little Weeman Returns!
I have enjoyed some Vince Vaughan films before, Dodgeball was O.K.

Wrong.

I suggest you give some of his non-comedies a try.

Clay Pigeons


The Cell


Return to Paradise
I'll have to give some of these a go though, thank you



The Brave Little Weeman Returns!
I watched a film recently. And not just any film. This was a film so depraved, so annoying. Look away now Pauly Shore fans (I'm sure even Pauly Shore fans hated this), because the film was....

Bio-Dome








There is nothing redeeming in this film. Nothing at all. Not once did I chuckle, not once did I think, “Wow, actually, that's not bad Stephen Baldwin, well done mate”. But I did cry. I cried for comedy.

Bio-Dome is the story of two slackers, Bud and Doyle (Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin), who inadvertently end up in a sealed environmental experiment, the titular “Bio-Dome”. After realising that this experiment lasts for a year, and that all the doors are sealed, they both resolve to get out. Or do they? I don't actually know, because they spend a good 40 minutes in the middle of the film larking around. The key things about these 40 minutes are that the plot doesn't advance, we don't learn anything new about the characters, and there are no funny jokes at all. Its completely devoid.


I could reel off a list of things wrong with this film. Firstly, why they mistake the Bio-Dome for a shopping mall is beyond me, seeing as there's no parking space, no buzz of activity associated with a shopping mall, and because they must have drove down this same road countless times before. Secondly, Pauly Shore attempts to rape Kylie Minogue. Did I mention Kylie Minogue is in this film? Well, she is. And Pauly Shore tries to rape her. Of course, this is played for laughs since there's nothing funnier than a rape in a movie marketed at thirteen year olds. Thirdly, Bud and Doyle are the worst slackers in the history of slacker movies. Bill and Ted were funny. Bud and Doyle should have just been called Bud and Light. It would have fit in nicely with all the rest of the product placement. I'm surprised Kylie Minogue didn't break the fourth wall half way through the film to try to flog some albums.

Pauly Shore makes Vince Vaughan look like Charlie Chaplin. Stephen Baldwin makes Alec Baldwin look like a thoroughly decent guy.



You thoroughly decent guy.

I haven't seen any other Pauly Shore movies, but thank god this is said to be his worst. Never again. Don't watch it. Please. Keep sane, people.



I'm not old, you're just 12.
He's never done a good movie yet .
Swingers was awesome. I totally disagree with your generalization.
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I can't believe all the Pauly Shore talk around these parts this week. Its like Weird Al coming up as a topic on a music forum. Anyway glad you hated it...I think.



I'm not old, you're just 12.
Weird Al is actually a musical genius. The man can play in literally ANY musical style known to man, and make it sound good. We'll have no Weird Al bashing here. lol.



Why is everyone going so Bio-Dome crazy this week? Anyway, I just saw it, and I'm gonna write a review. Mine will be more positive because I liked it.



The Brave Little Weeman Returns!
Why is everyone going so Bio-Dome crazy this week? Anyway, I just saw it, and I'm gonna write a review. Mine will be more positive because I liked it.
The weird thing is I watched this film a week before all the Bio-Dome stuff started creeping into the site. I wrote this review (or whatever you want to call it) there and then. Thought it was apt that now I should publish it



Pauly Shore makes Vince Vaughan look like Charlie Chaplin. Stephen Baldwin makes Alec Baldwin look like a thoroughly decent guy.
+ rep for that.
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