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Meaningless work except for the jobbers who use the cute Amy Adams' muzzle to make a fat wad.
Uh, what the ****?



The Northman (2022)

A simple and familiar story that is, unfortunately, padded with so much unnecessary fluff that it's almost twice as long as it needs to be. It aims to be an epic, but in many ways, it feels small. Like Eggers is lost with the budget he's given. Skarsgård is too old for his role (or Bang too young for his). There are some nice scenes and it's close enough to sword and sandal films I like, so it's still OK.

Eggers may not like The VVitch anymore, but I think each of his later films have been worse than the ones before.

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Firestarter (2022)

It's not a top-tier King novel, and the original film adaptation isn't good by any standards, but this new Firestarter is another level of bad. I don't agree with any of the changes they did to the story, and the film looks like a cheap TV movie. At least I like the subject, so it could be worse.
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Registered User
The Northman (2022)

A simple and familiar story that is, unfortunately, padded with so much unnecessary fluff that it's almost twice as long as it needs to be.


Where is the fluff?



It aims to be an epic,


An epic (as the term is used to describe cinema) typically offers us an account of a large scale historical drama like a war and is told through an ensemble of characters, big sweeping history. It does not aim to be "epic" in this sense.



but in many ways, it feels small.

This is a personal story and we follow one character.



Like Eggers is lost with the budget he's given.


I don't think so. The story is direct and austere.



Firestarter (2022)


It's not a top-tier King novel, and the original film adaptation isn't good by any standards, but this new Firestarter is another level of bad. I don't agree with any of the changes they did to the story, and the film looks like a cheap TV movie. At least I like the subject, so it could be worse.

Yep.



Welcome to the human race...
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness -


Easily the best post-credits scene in any of these by some distance
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I really just want you all angry and confused the whole time.



The trick is not minding
Where is the fluff?
While I liked the movie, there were some fluff, and I’ll point to the need to give the protagonist a special sword as an example.

It felt forced, as if they so badly wanted to give us so many mythical and magical moments, even if it wasn’t necessary. Some even felt out of place, such as the visit from the seer in the burned building after the pillaging of a village, and maybe could have come after. The development of that scene felt rushed.

Then there was the somewhat bizarre scene of involving the dogs turning mad.

And of course, the climactic fight scene scene seemed like something straight out of 300.

I did enjoy some of the lore, and the afore mentioned magical moments, but it just felt like they weren’t placed well or shouldn’t have been done at all.*

There is only so much to Ambleths legend, so of course they would have to add some elements of their own design to the story, while removing some (feigning his “madness” for example) but overall, I was left some what unimpressed.



Bright light. Bright light. Uh oh.

New York Ninja (John Liu & Kurtis Spieler, 2021)
5/10 Camp Rating 8/10
The Killer Is Loose (Budd Boetticher, 1956)
5.5/10
American Ninja (Sam Firstenberg, 1985)
5/10 Camp Rating 7/10
The Ground Beneath My Feet (Marie Kreutzer, 2019)
6.5/10

Overworked executive assistant Valerie Pachner, who takes care of her mentally-ill sister Pia Hierzegger, is having trouble at work with her boss/lover Mavie Hörbiger.
Pinocchio in Outer Space (Ray Goossens, 1965)
+ 5/10
Marmaduke (Mark A.Z. Dippé, 2022)
6/10
Drive, He Said (Jack Nicholson, 1971)
5/10
The Northman (Robert Eggers, 2022)
+ 6.5/10

After his father is killed, Viking prince Alexander Skarsgård poses as a slave and meets sorceress Anya Taylor-Joy who helps him try to get revenge on the murderer.
Unplugging (Debra Neil-Fisher, 2022)
5/10
The Captain Is a Lady (Robert B. Sinclair, 1940)
5.5/10
The Ravine (Keoni Waxman, 2021)
5/10
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (Jeff Fowler, 2022)
- 6.5/10

Sonic the Hedgehog (voice of Ben Schwartz) faces his much-stronger rival Knuckles (voice of Idris Elba), who's working for crazed Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey).
Night Nurse (William A. Wellman, 1931)
5.5/10
Firestarter (Keith Thomas, 2022)
5/10
Lucky Night (Norman Taurog, 1939)
5.5/10
Sneakerella (Elizabeth Allen Rosenbaum, 2022)
6/10

Young sneaker designer Chosen Jacobs wants to go to work for ex-basketball player/entrepreneur Darius King (John Salley) when he falls for his daughter (Lexi Underwood). His main interference is from his uncaring stepfather (Bryan Terrell Clark) and lying stepbrothers.
The Twin (Taneli Mustonen, 2022)
5/10
Ransom (Ron Howard, 1996)
6.5/10
A Safe Place (Henry Jaglom, 1971)
4/10
Operation Mincemeat (John Madden, 2021)
- 6.5/10

Among those planning Britain's attempt to fake out the Nazis in 1943 are two military officers (Colin Firth & Matthew Macfadyen), the former's secretary (Penelope Wilton), widow Kelly Macdonald, Admiral John Godfrey (Jason Isaacs) and his assistant Ian Fleming (Johnny Flynn).
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It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
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Movies I watched for the first time recently:

The Rocky Horror Picture Show -


Finally got around to this, and it was pretty good fun!

Prisoners -


I thought this was fantastic, I found it to be a very intriguing film. The performances were great all around as well. This probably ended up being my favorite film by Denis Villeneuve. (I've seen only seen this, Arrival, Dune, and Blade Runner 2049 for what its worth.)

Million Dollar Legs
-


Was intrigued by the description of this film on Criterion Channel, and it was alright. This film is somewhat messy, but was entertaining and absurd enough to keep my interest.

Woman In The Dunes -


It was great, very claustrophobic and thought provoking film. Definitely need to re-watch it at some point, though.

Also ended up re-watching:

The Young Girls of Rochefort -


Still not a 5 star movie in my eyes, but also still a lovely joyous movie musical to vibe to.

Cabaret -


I did like this movie a bit more on rewatch, however.

All That Jazz -


This is the 4th or 5th time I've watched All That Jazz and it is still a masterpiece as far as I'm concerned.



Registered User
While I liked the movie, there were some fluff, and I’ll point to the need to give the protagonist a special sword as an example.
This didn't feel like fluff to me. These sorts of tales very often featured mythical swords which had their own names. We were promised this sword early in the film. The contest by which Amleth wins the sword is correct according to this source



Moreover, the "rules" of the sword explains
WARNING: "Prophecy! Beware fates you do not wish to know...." spoilers below
Amleth's sacrifice to save Olga. He couldn't unsheath it and cut through Fjolnir's men like butter. He had to fight with the sword sheathed, resulting in his capture and torture. Thus, he sacrifices himself, proving his love of kin and proving to Olga that he really does care for her.





It didn't feel forced so much as it felt rushed. The tail end of the film moves fast. However, given the "realism" part of magical realism, it makes sense that we do not watch Amleth terrorize the village for months on end. It starts and ends pretty quickly.



In a perfect world, this would have played out as a trilogy on a streaming service. Young Amleth flees into hiding. Middle Amleth, the purposeless beserker. Final Amleth and the Reckoning.



That stated, the story is simple and familiar so the compression of events isn't an unforgivable sin.



as if they so badly wanted to give us so many mythical and magical moments, even if it wasn’t necessary


We could make the same accusation of Beowulf. Did he really to fight Grendel's mother? Wasn't it enough to kill the beast? Did we really need the tacked on battle with the dragon at the very end? Did Roland need the indestructible super sword Durendal? Wasn't it enough that he just didn't blow the horn?



Some even felt out of place, such as the visit from the seer in the burned building after the pillaging of a village, and maybe could have come after. The development of that scene felt rushed.


It was appropriate, I think. A surprise. BOOM! Call to adventure.


Could the film have been written with one less all-seeing witch? Sure. Could the script have been rewritten to have Amleth just steal a weapon from the armory. Sure. That would push the film into being more on the Realism and Magical side of the scale.



Then there was the somewhat bizarre scene of involving the dogs turning mad.


Not really. We have the Deus Ex Machina of the crows, a magical intervention. Fate is putting its foot on the gas to accelerate Amleth to fulfill his oath. The dogs going mad is a magical detail. We can view this as a "true" part of the story or a narrative embellishment, us seeing the real events in the hindsight of the superstitious and drug-addled memories of the villagers (they were poisoned with hallucinogens).


And of course, the climactic fight scene scene seemed like something straight out of 300.


More like Revenge of the Sith. And the fight is grounded, short, and does not involve jumping 10 feet in the air, flying around on wires, force-choking, or elephants the size of buildings. It's as close to Hell as they can take our characters, so I think it fits.



Once again, the complaints seem to boil down to “I don’t like that Eggers faithfully recreated a Viking saga” and want it to be something that fits more conventionally into our era of post-modern cinema.



The trick is not minding
This didn't feel like fluff to me. These sorts of tales very often featured mythical swords which had their own names. We were promised this sword early in the film. The contest by which Amleth wins the sword is correct according to this source



Moreover, the "rules" of the sword explains why
WARNING: "Prophecy! Beware fates you do not wish to know...." spoilers below
Amleth's sacrifice to save Olga. He couldn't unsheath it and cut through Fjolnir's men like butter. He had to fight with the sword sheathed, resulting in his capture and torture. Thus, he sacrifices himself, proving his love of kin and proving to Olga that he really does care for her.







It didn't feel forced so much as it felt rushed. The tail end of the film moves fast. However, given the "realism" part of magical realism, it makes sense that we do not watch Amleth terrorize the village for months on end. It starts and ends pretty quickly.



In a perfect world, this would have played out as a trilogy on a streaming service. Young Amleth flees into hiding. Middle Amleth, the purposeless beserker. Final Amleth and the Reckoning.



That stated, the story is simple and familiar so the compression of events isn't an unforgivable sin.







We could make the same accusation of Beowulf. Did he really to fight Grendel's mother? Wasn't it enough to kill the beast? Did we really need the tacked on battle with the dragon at the very end? Did Roland need the indestructible super sword Durendal? Wasn't it enough that he just didn't blow the horn?







It was appropriate, I think. A surprise. BOOM! Call to adventure.


Could the film have been written with one less all-seeing witch? Sure. Could the script have been rewritten to have Amleth just steal a weapon from the armory. Sure. That would push the film into being more on the Realism and Magical side of the scale.







Not really. We have the Deus Ex Machina of the crows, a magical intervention. Fate is putting its foot on the gas to accelerate Amleth to fulfill his oath. The dogs going mad is a magical detail. We can view this as a "true" part of the story or a narrative embellishment, us seeing the real events in the hindsight of the superstitious and drug-addled memories of the villagers (they were poisoned with hallucinogens).






More like Revenge of the Sith. And the fight is grounded, short, and does not involve jumping 10 feet in the air, flying around on wires, force-choking, or elephants the size of buildings. It's as close to Hell as they can take our characters, so I think it fits.
I’ll try to respond to each paragraph in order:

1. The sword and his side quest to retrieve it doesn’t exist in the original source. It isn’t even preoperly explained why it is even needed to fulfill his vengeance to begin with. Seems quite unnecessary, and just put in there for the sake of more magical moments.

2. Rushed, yes that’s a better word for it.

3.skipping to the Beaowulf comparison, I find such comparisons unnecessary. What May work in one film, May not in another and is judged on a case by case basis. In here, it doesn’t work for me in some cases.

4.*I have no issue with her appearance, but rather the placement. I think her appearance could have come at better time, and not so soon after plundering a village. It felt rushed.

5. It was bizarre and unneeded. On the other hand, I do feel the ravens appearance were more warranted and handled better. Even the rescue. It felt right, while the insane dogs did not. I’m nitpicking, I guess, but it’s just how I felt.

6. 300, Revenge of the Sith, what ever. It wasn’t filmed that great to me.



The trick is not minding
Once again, the complaints seem to boil down to “I don’t like that Eggers faithfully recreated a Viking saga” and want it to be something that fits more conventionally into our era of post-modern cinema.
Um , not really.



Almost all of your complaints are over things indicative of Viking Sagas. Have you read any?



The trick is not minding
Almost all of your complaints are over things indicative of Viking Sagas. Have you read any?
No, although I’ve read of Amleth before, but my complaints are about how the scenes are handled and not with the sagas themselves.

Edit: I should note I haven’t read the actual source, but rather about the legend itself.



No, although I’ve read of Amleth before, but my complaints are about how the scenes are handled and not with the sagas themselves.

Edit: I should note I haven’t read the actual source, but rather about the legend itself.
The scenes are handled in accordance with how Viking Sagas handle them.



The trick is not minding
Also, I’m not so sure it is even necessary to read the original source to judge a film on its own merits anyways.

Especially when there is so much added to the film not a part of the original when anyways.



The trick is not minding
The scenes are handled in accordance with how Viking Sagas handle them.
Oh I see. That…doesn’t really explain anything. *
So the Nightblade being tossed in as some sort of unneeded mystical weapon was explained in the Saga?

A rather boring climactic fight scene is explained in the Saga?

My complaints are far more then Saga related. The Saga doesn’t explain away the deficiencies of the film.



Oh I see. That…doesn’t really explain anything. *
So the Nightblade being tossed in as some sort of unneeded mystical weapon was explained in the Saga?

A rather boring climactic fight scene is explained in the Saga?

My complaints are far more then Saga related. The Saga doesn’t explain away the deficiencies of the film.
Your complaints are related to demands that the film conform to your idea of what it should be rather than recognizing the context of what and why Eggers made the film he did.

It’s not a matter of “explaining,” it’s a matter of avoiding categorical mistakes when assessing art. “Why the heck are all these people singing at random times?” Because you are watching a musical. Recognizing that context won’t change whether or not you like musicals but maintaining that complaint after having that context makes it seem rather silly.



The trick is not minding
Your complaints are related to demands that the film conform to your idea of what it should be rather than recognizing the context of what and why Eggers made the film he did.

It’s not a matter of “explaining,” it’s a matter of avoiding categorical mistakes when assessing art. “Why the heck are all these people singing at random times?” Because you are watching a musical. Recognizing that context won’t change whether or not you like musicals but maintaining that complaint after having that context makes it seem rather silly.
This seems like a willful misrepresentation of my issues with the film. I repeat, since you seem to misunderstand this, that I have issues with several scenes and how they’re handled. Not with the depiction of Viking Culture itself. *
The inclusion of the nightblade which makes zero sense, which you keep waving away with some sort of “Viking Saga!” Explanation which…doesn’t explain anything. The twist with his mother. The climactic battle scene in lava which seemed forced.

You’re not even trying to defend them so much as you just seem to think the Viking Saga source is some sort of magic wand that erases these glaring issues.

It seems like you’re just taking issue with any criticism towards the film, as if you alone seem to grasp it because you read the original source. It almost a personal matter to you, it seems, which itself is even more silly.

Films also must meet our own merits, not just their own.



This seems like a willful misrepresentation of my issues with the film. I repeat, since you seem to misunderstand this, that I have issues with several scenes and how they’re handled. Not with the depiction of Viking Culture itself. *
The inclusion of the nightblade which makes zero sense, which you keep waving away with some sort of “Viking Saga!” Explanation which…doesn’t explain anything. The twist with his mother. The climactic battle scene in lava which seemed forced.

You’re not even trying to defend them so much as you just seem to think the Viking Saga source is some sort of magic wand that erases these glaring issues.

It seems like you’re just taking issue with any criticism towards the film, as if you alone seem to grasp it because you read the original source. It almost a personal matter to you, it seems, which itself is even more silly.

Films also must meet our own merits, not just their own.
Viking sagas blend history and myth, tiptoeing between anthropological document and magical realism, whilst focusing on characters that are largely anti-heroic and amoral by today’s standards. You ask “why” and the answer is “because it’s a Viking saga.”

I’m taking issue with the pervasive criticism of the film that seemingly stems from ignorance about Viking culture, sagas, and Ambale/Amleth in particular.

A film’s responsibility is to accomplish its goals. A viewer, especially one that fancies themselves critical enough to write reviews for others to read, should probably attempt to understand those goals before asserting the best way to accomplish them.*

Otherwise, you’re just naval gazing in bad faith, lazily pontificating for your own amusement. In which case, you do you. I’ll just continue to not value your opinion on the film.