Do I rat on a friend?

You see?

__________________
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
My IMDb page

Under your hypothetical, I really would be that upset, but I probably wouldn't end the marriage over it. I think it's important to point out, though, that what I or you might do is not necessarily universal. I think it's also relevant that this isn't what is under consideration though. At this point, they are not married at all. They haven't been in a happy marriage for five years. Since you are into hypotheticals, I'll pose a different one to you. If your soon-to-be fiancé had cheated on you, and somebody was in the position to tell you about it, would you want to know? I would want to know about it. If they did tell me about it, and I believed them, I would very likely not marry that person. If we are going to talk in hypotheticals, that is the only hypothetical that is relevant here.

This hypothetical that you are proposing would be relevant if the poster was asking us about whether or not he should tell this man five years after they had gotten married and they seem happy to him, but that isn't the question that we have been asked, so I'm not sure how that is relevant to this discussion.

you watch way too much dr phil. The divorced Dr. Phil i might add.

__________________
"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." - Michelangelo.

Originally Posted by teeter_g
I think that I would just impress upon her the importance of going into a marriage with no secrets. A relationship is supposed to be an open book, especially one that is supposed to be a life long relationship. The best way to ruin a relationship is to start keeping secrets.

.
I used to read Ann Landers column and she would not agree with you. She always advised women (and it was always women asking) not to confess a long past affair their husband didn't know about.

__________________
It reminds me of a toilet paper on the trees
- Paula

I agree with Ann Landers.

and her sister too if you were curious.

It is two different things. Would I want to know she is doing what she is doing? Of course. I may or may not want to marry her after talking to her because the behavior to me is borderline. She is not sleeping with him. It is basically a flirtation. It went beyond that when she BJ'd him, but she only did that once. So I would want to know what is going on in her head then make a decision. If she slept with him I would be done, no discussion. But that is separate from should he tell him. He received the information in confidence. She should be the one to tell him, not some guy her fiance barely knows and probably despite his protestations wants to get in her pants and thinks this would make her available to him. Like Riley says, there is a good chance the fiance will smash his face in.

It is also likely if my source was the OP I would take anything he said with a great deal of suspicion wondering about his motivation.

You don't know how many times she did it. It's impossible for you to know and that's the point. You somehow think it's better if he puts it in her mouth rather than down below, but some of us don't. This is a silly thread so I'll shut up.

We don't know if she even BJ'd him once. Just because she told the OP she did doesn't mean she did. Like I said in an earlier post, she may have been fantasizing or trying to shock someone she thinks wants her, but is too chicken to make a move. It might be her way of teasing him. And maybe his real motivation for wanting to tell is he didn't receive the BJ.

You can start assuming everything according to your argumentations.

Maybe she actually already had sex with him a couple of times and just said she blowed him because she didn't want to tell the whole truth...

You see my point.

LOL. This thread has started to become quite comical. I am just not sure what to say about this! I think you and Former President Clinton have a different definition of sex than I do. I will leave it at that

Actually, I can't stand that guy. I'm just smart. There is also a certain amount of been there done that in my statement.

__________________
You are no Vader. You are just a child in a mask.

I highlighted the operative word here. They aren't married yet and they guy deserves to know if she has cheated on him before he takes the vows.

*Also, I don't give to s#!ts about anything that Ann Landers ever said.

An affair during the marriage is far worse than a BJ before there is even an engagement.

I never said that it wasn't. I would absolutely agree with that. However, I still think the guy deserves to know and make his decision whether or not to marry her based in truth and not in deception.

Look, it is still sex, and it would be more serious during a marriage, but, yeah, I don't consider a one time blow job before there is even an engagement the same thing as intercourse. Do you? The real issue would be why she did it, and is she seriously interested in this other guy whose current relationship after the BJ (if it happend) has gone back to flirting and teasing. If she had sex with him, they would no longer be flirting. She would be in an affair and that means she has for me crossed a line and it is definitely over.

Which is another reason not to tell the boyfriend anything. OP hasn't even seen the other guy, has no actual knowledge if anything she told him is the actual truth. And he has no crediblity with the BF. If she denies it, who will the boyfriend find more credible? Coming from her close GF, it may have more meaning, but even then it would mean more if she was at least actually witnessed by someone with the other guy. This really is a stay out of it situation. There would be a better argument for intervention with stronger circumstances than this.

Okay, now that's funny, but also surprising for me -- Dr. Phil got divorced?! I didn't know that had happened to me. Or are you talking about the fact that Dr. Phil has an ex-wife -- 'cause I'm not seeing anything about him getting divorced from the wife I used to see on his TV show. Wikipedia says Dr. Phil used to make his first wife lift weights so she'd improve her bustline.

By the way, this thread is now on page 7.

Dexter, you just got owned by Ann Landers and her sister.

And isn't her sister Dear Abby, who is her twin? And aren't they both dead now, too? You just got owned by two dead sisters.

By the way -- on the topic of sex with someone else before the marriage.

What happens at all of these bachelor parties that guys have before they're married? Do the guys about to be married just get a lap dance from a naked lady or do they also get maybe a blowjob or full on sex? 'Cause from what I've seen on TV shows and movies, these events look wild as hell and the about-to-be-married guy looks like he's gonna end up having actual sex with some random woman he's never met before. And the woman he's about to marry the next day acts like SHE'S OKAY WITH IT. I've never been to a bachelor party, so I don't know how it is, but I imagine -- especially these days -- the bachelor ends up having sex with a strange woman in many cases. Are there really many wives-to-be who are cool with this? Cause I WOULDN'T BE ONE.

I've been to a few bachelor parties and the running theme is a lot of drinking. Some had strip clubs or hired strippers involved but nothing of consequence happened. Women usually condone the behavior given its status as a rite of passage or a tradition. Women often go to male strip clubs for the same purpose. Bachelor parties needn't be the night before since it's often hard coordinating with multiple people often from separate cities.

I suppose there's a risk of infidelity but it's more of a reason to party, than sleeping around.