Pyro's Piss poor review

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In Soviet America, you sue MPAA!
I'm so jealous of you. I've been waiting damn near a year for this freaking movie!
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Horror's Not Dead
Latest Movie Review(s): Too lazy to keep this up to date. New reviews every week.



Did i mention HA and errm HA in my review! Anyway, thought you would, that was half my motivation for writing more than a reply in a thread. Least UK gets perks now and then instead of always being behind with releases.
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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The most biting issue regarding this film is it is Indiana Jones and with this comes expectations. Indy 4 is a give and take film. In any other context, Harrison Ford would not pass as an action hero any more, at least to the extent he is portrayed here. This is the only 'give' aspect its predecessors offer, the chance to see a much loved screen icon around again. However, the 'take' is far more substantial, and like many reviews the negatives are easier to list but unlike many reviews that remain firmly subjective, cutting slack plainly because it is Indy, i will attempt to be more objective. I have recently watched the originals so don't think my memories will be merely reminiscing either

If the film wasn't set in the established world if Indy and with a different hero, it probably would have been a fine movie but the dichotomy of context or content undermines the film at almost every step. The opening shot is CGI, now i know it's nearly unavoidable nowadays for a Hollywood film not to use it but here it seems to be done for the sake of it, or for sheer spectacle. The two main examples are the nuclear explosions and the finale. The latter i'll save spoiling, as for the former at a basic level you can argue it sets the era but considering the installation testing it had been wiped out, i'm not sure how they even went ahead with it. Apart from the odd extravagant setting, where does this happen in the originals? It seemed like a Roland Emmerich set piece. Next, what i loved about the originals was their ability to immerse the viewer into the location, blue-screens are completely alienating.

I'm surprised there aren't more critics of the action. Most comments are on the plausibility, bar the one silliness in Temple of Doom (and i figured the three waterfalls were an allusion to this), in most of the originals action pieces, it could be believed that someone could do that. And in most of them someone does do them, the tightly choreographed action and stunt scenes were far more enthralling in the originals then "let's do it all in CGI". Thus Indy 4 lacks the skilled directing craft to create enthralling moments were there is actual tension and realism about the character and the beating they're taking. I do not want to see a computer animated Shia Lebouf rope swing through the jungle with an army of CGI monkeys. Not only is that not Indiana Jones, it's the polar opposite. A lot of it belonged in a cartoon.

Possibly the biggest gripe i've noticed is the alien plotline. For clarity, i've no problem with aliens or skepticism about them appearing in films. Their inclusion goes back to earlier, give and take. We are given a Crystal Skull which is explicitly flaunted visually through out the story, removing any enigma about the artifacts plus it is a bit ridiculous, i couldn't get AvP out my head where she uses the alien skull as a shield. Anyway, we're given the narrative marker of the skull and then it takes us completely out the diegetic world created around Indiana Jones. There's not one hint towards extra-terrestrial life in any of the films. Making a firmly established genre of traditional adventure into a science-fiction yarn is pretty cheeky. But like i said earlier, it would have been fine in any other film but with Indy it doesn't belong. I know most people counteract this criticism with The Ark being supernatural thus also a strain on believability but 'The Ark' was kept as an enigma through the film and in the climax when it was opened it, there had to be something decent as the pay-off. But furthermore, Indy's eyes are closed so it doesn't necessarily have to happened like that. The odd ghost and religious artifacts are what we are told is natural in Indy's world. I wouldn't have minded exploring the mythos they took, but if they'd left it ambiguous and more on suggestion, it would have been far more successful and less like Close Encounters.

Maybe this is the standard starting point for reviews but it seemed so irrelevant i didn't think it worth addressing the story first. The whole script is heavy handed, from explaining Brody and Connery to recycling plot devices from the Last Crusade and then failing to expand them. The clues and actual 'adventure' where far too easy, more over they were excuses for set pieces. Take finding the the clue under the waterfall, there's no indication how they get all the way up there or the final clue in the temple Ox couldn't get being a pretty dull answer. I never once felt any sense of discovery, as a viewer or on Indy's behalf. I would rather call the characters under-written opposed to un-developed. Winstone, for example, i thought was fine but the way characters reacted around him wasn't natural nor was his fate. Blanchett's villain was tame and failed to make a worth adversary for Indy when she should have been either ruthless or a reflection of a different Indy. It was by the time Mutt and Indy had the chase around the city i'd settled with the older Indy being action orientated, however couldn't help noticing how slack his trousers were, looked like proper Grandad style.

The film was thoroughly flawed but that's from a subjective viewpoint of what Indy was and what Spielberg and Lucas have done now. Except for the lovingly created 50s and the admittedly brilliant Mutt (i've liked Shia since Even Stevens) i fail to see this as a continuation of the series. Personally, it seemed like Lucas using CGI wherever possible and Spielberg getting bogged down in his penchant for extra-terrestrial. It's not an inherently 'bad' film but it is flawed in a lot of respects and considering what it could, and should have been- a classic stunt orientating adventure, it fails to deliver.




Thanks for your review Pyro interesting
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Re - Undead.

Nice review,

I agree completely that the film didn't live up to expectations, and thought it was pretty terrible really. Shame because like you say, it did try and do something a little different with the sci-fi angle. But the lead guy was just annoyingly unfunny.



Re - Undead.

Nice review,

I agree completely that the film didn't live up to expectations, and thought it was pretty terrible really. Shame because like you say, it did try and do something a little different with the sci-fi angle. But the lead guy was just annoyingly unfunny.
Heh, you must be the first person i've come across to see that one, nice not be a lone. Thanks for taking time to read btw



Dead Set TV SHOW
(5 Episodes, 2008)



So this was on TV in the lead up to Halloween over here in the UK on Channel 4 side channel, e4. If you've heard of any of them.

The premise is simple, and pretty ingenious- there's a zombie outbreak and this show takes the focus of the housemates in the years Big Brother. Sound good? I thought it was a pretty cool idea, though as Dead Set pans out that's not so much of the focus. Instead it's mainly about Jamie Winstone (daughter of Ray) who works behind the scenes and eventually joins the contestants as they struggle to get along with the tasks at hand and her boyfriend trying to get back to her from outside.

If you watch Big Brother, then i feel sorry for you. If you're one of the hopefully many who despise it then this is a welcome treat. More so if you like zombies. The characters form a typical lineup of standard overblown contestants you see on the show every year, and surprisingly they work. Exception has to be Kevin Eldon who's been on too many other shows to be buy into but if you don't him then more for you. To be honest, by now i wouldn't blame you for thinking this sounds like a single concept gimmick show. Luckily several points let it rise above this trap. For one, as mentioned Dead Set doesn't rely on this gimmick to carry the show and when you see host Davina and last years winner chomping away like normal zombies, it would sound a bit cheesy. So thank **** they had the balls to, surprisingly, make this a brutal, gory and stylish affair; it's very reminiscent of the 28 ___ Later films- maybe at times too reminiscent but for the sake of actually being horrific i can let that go. It shifts the focus around from the three strands of characters- housemates, workers on the show and 2 people on the outside. Although the latter seems like a diversion, it does keep some fresh momentum to what may struggle to last 5 episodes. However, saying that, when the finale does come it seems to be in too much of hurry to finish, preventing any real time for emotional responses or spatial awareness for what's happening.


Despite the high concept, it still treads familiar zombie-film ground, the attempt to get supplies from outside or factions forming between survivors. Either way, it still manages to carry itself off in a strong style. There are a couple of uneasy ideas- the production manager, for one, is too much of an obviously scripted character but is fun to watch. Overall, there are surprisingly high production values present which let this stand up to most zombie films around. The concept works and fortunately isn't laboured or patronising like the social commentary Romero attempted recently in Diary of the Dead. If any of the elements interest you, i really recommend this quite highly and think you'll be surprised with the results. It's not perfect but is a competent and enjoyable twist on the genre and rises through the TV formats limitations.




The People's Republic of Clogher
That show flew completely under my radar. It's now intriguing me and making me think about completing my screenplay about a zombie outbreak in a milking parlour, the title of which is so obvious and corny that even I won't insult your collective intelligence...
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Insult my intelligence if you want. Or temporary ignorance. Make sure it ain't too familiar to Zombie Strippers, don't want Jenna Jameson suing

Dead Set ain't anything new but I do think it excels considering its production context. Won't be surprised if someone gets critical and err, criticises it but it's enjoyable enough reason to have some restored faith in British TV and our talent.



I don't have set top box so unfortunately I missed this one. I really like Charlie Brooker's stuff (Nathan Barley was great), and when I saw he was scripting a zombie satire it sounded like a cool combination. I was put off by the Big Brother angle and publicity shots of Davina in zombie makeup though. The fact that you likened it to 28 Days Later (which I hated) also arouses my suspicions that this might not be for me. Still, the proof of the pudding...as they say. Nice review.



\m/ Fade To Black \m/
I completely missed Dead Set due to me being stupid I was ment to see it but dont know what happened!?! It does look like it was a great show.

*Hides behind the couch* I do watch Big Brother I dont mind it, and the whole concept for this looks awesome.

Nice review dude!
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Brooker said on the radio it was coming to channel 4 in the New Year sometime. That said, i don't know what it was you didn't like about 28 Days Later so hesitant to recommend it, it's got a very similar aesthetic but is more generic, the concept aside. There's always the DVD, that's where i saw it, though the are the inherently annoying problems of having to watch the recaps.



\m/ Fade To Black \m/
If I dont catch it on tv over the New Year I will more than likly pick a copy up after Christmas.

That does annoy me, watching re-caps when you buy a DVD before every episode. There is no need for it on DVD'S as I have never just watched one episode in a series, when I have it on DVD.



That said, i don't know what it was you didn't like about 28 Days Later so hesitant to recommend it, it's got a very similar aesthetic
That should be ok as the aesthetic of 28 Days Later isn't the problem. My biggest beef is the silly third act in which the soldiers decide to 'breed the women' and an undernourished looking Cillian Murphy suddenly goes all Rambo. Not only that but just because it was written by Alex The Beach Garland, and directed by Danny Trainspotting Boyle, we're not allowed to call it a zombie flick (which it definitely is); instead we're supposed to treat it as art house horror or something (which it definitely isn't). Plus the opening hospital scene is a direct steal from John Wyndham's Day of the Triffids, and the supposedly original concept of highly mobile zombies is lifted from Umberto Lenzi's Nightmare City and Cronenberg's Shivers. The scene involving the Rage infected kid in the petrol station is ripped from Romero's Dawn of the Dead (a sequence originally censored by the BBFC) Essentially it's nowhere near as clever or original as Garland, Boyle or certain critics would have us believe. I actually think Fresnadillo's sequel is far superior...rant ends.

*loud exhale*

So yeah if it's just the aesthetic then I might like Dead Set



Heh, i think i prefer the sequel as well. As long your issues are with the narrative and pretence of Days, Dead Set *should* be ok with you. Obviously it does "borrow" a fair amount but then again, how original can zombies be? I was quite happy they kept the Big Brother message as a more of an undertone so hopefully that won't bother you. I think just as a Brit it's worth watching for being quite a daring venture against anything else on TV.



I think just as a Brit it's worth watching for being quite a daring venture against anything else on TV.
Yeah that's a fair point I'll definitely be giving it a go at some point.

Re the stealing vs. borrowing from older films, I'd be a hypocrite if I condemned a film outright for doing this; you only need look at my Trash thread to see that. It is as you said the rubbish narrative and arty pretence that winds me up with 28 Days Later.

I actually went to a special preview screening of the film at the corner house in Manchester. Afterwards Alex Garland, Cillian Murphy, Danny Boyle and Naomi Harris came onto the stage for a Q&A session in which Garland and Boyle stressed how it wasn't just a zombie flick but something new and fresh. The whole vibe from them was a bit highbrow, but most of the audience were clearly Romero fans out for some zombie kicks (I know I was). I was dying to have a pop about the silly third act; how it was just a commercially well timed but derivative horror film, but I chickened out and it would have been rude anyway.



Heads up for anyone interested, Dead Set starts this Tuesday on Channel 4, i believe. Funnily enough i'm watching it on DVD again as we speak. I did criticise the Andy Nyman producer character but now i've seen more of Charlie Brooker's (the writers) excellent TV show Screenwipe (think more intellectual/adult version of TV Burp) the character seems more and more like an embodiment of Brooker's personality.



Thursday Next's Avatar
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
My biggest beef is the silly third act in which the soldiers decide to 'breed the women' and an undernourished looking Cillian Murphy suddenly goes all Rambo.
Funny, that's exactly what I did like about 28 Days Later! I thought the human horror of the survivors' behaviour more interesting and scary than than just running and blowing up zombies. Murphy coming over all 'Rambo' is undeniably silly, but hey, this is a film where we are believing in zombies in the first place so what the heck

I think there's a difference between films which are simply derivative and ones which use aspects of other films to good effect to create something complete of their own. There's no denying that neither 28 Days or Boyle's Sunshine are entirely original, but I think they're original enough.

As for it being pretentious...there is an arty quality to the way it is shot so I'm not sure it's claims are entirely unjustified. I don't know what claims were being made for the film that meant it didn't live up to your expectations - perhaps it was because I was expecting very little from it that I liked it so much. Tied in to that, I didn't watch Dead Set precisely because of all the hype around it (constantly trailed all over C4 ande E4), but on Pyro's recommendation, perhaps I will give it a try.



Martyrs (Pascal Laugier, 2008)



Recently, France have been throwing out some pretty strong horror entries; most will be familiar with Switchblade Romance/Haute Tension, then there was Frontier(s) in 2007. Both films follow a very similar sylistic approach, extreme graphic violence. And it's worked, in fact the directors of each entry have gone to Hollywood and made The Hills Have Eyes and Hitman respectively. So it would seem Martyrs is continuing this trend in French genre, with Laugier set to direct the Hellraiser remake. But how does this compare to it's brethren? The answer is not very well.

The films starts out with a young girl escaping, for a quickhand description imagine Hostel. We're introduced to the two protoganists and their sisterly bond. It turns out the girl who was tortured is being tormented by something, which was actually quite jumpy at times and bit freaky. The narrative develops into revenge which works pretty well as films go, with some nice in your face shock violence. Yet, just as there's a relatively interesting dynamic established they disperse this notion and head straight into a Hostel story. It's a confusing turn, that splits the film right in two and is the start of the problems. Introducing a clandestine organistion into a tightly character bound film undermines a lot of the work gone into the film. From here it only gets worse.

The other girl is put in the focus from here on as some ludicrous plot intervention is introduced to give some sembelence of meaning to what happens. Basically, the plot of Hostel is regurgitated with some crap to justify it past just being torture. The main problem is the character is just so pathetic, despite being held against her will there's no fight in her! She just does nothing and lets it happen. There's one attempt at escape and one scene of "emotional" outburst of anger. It starts to get frustrating we're watching her go through this and they not actually bothered scipting any emotional development or making her a character to care about since SHE DOESN'T REACT TO ANYTHING. It's just not believable and watching this bloke smack her around just gets tedious. And i thought it was pretty insulting that they tried to tie in her lack of reaction as part of the character and thus their overall goal.

The film basically mushes A Tale of Two Sisters and Hostel together without ever giving enough commitment to either, leaving a very unsatisfying film. There's not much to recommend, the first half is pretty good even if it's isn't treading new ground. The second half is it's 'shock' half and there's one bit that's got an effect from Hellraiser written all over it. Sadly it's tries too hard to 'shock' without giving any character to care about and some hokey transcendal/existential excuse for what's happening. I'd heard strong reviews saying how hard it is too much at the end. They're right but it's hard for the wrong reasons.