Wooley & Torgo's September Excite-o-rama!

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To be clear, I watch "bad" movies all the time. And I like a lot of them.
More to the point, I am usually able to find lots of little things that I like in them so that, while I may acknowledge that they are not good films and I wouldn't recommend them to people with "normal" movie sensibilities, it doesn't mean I don't like them or wouldn't watch them again.
And then there is Bloody Pit Of Horror.
This is a movie that, honestly, can only be mocked. There is, essentially, nothing in this film of actual value. There is almost nothing that can be taken away as a "well, I did think that was kinda cool" or "well, that looked good at least". It's just terrible.
The story is, basically, that a guy called The Crimson Executioner was put to death for sadistic crimes some centuries ago and left in the dungeon of this old castle. Present day, a group of people who are on some kind of ill-defined "assignment" are looking for shelter from a storm and end up at a castle which is owned by a mysterious man who wants no part of them. Yadda, yadda, yadda, we end up in the basement dungeon with the women all naked (but covered) and the men all dead (except for whichever guy has to be the hero).
Honestly, it's not that bad of a story as tropes go. And I'll be honest, I was so disappointed by what the movie turned out to be about versus what I had expected and hoped it would be about, that that made the slog that was getting through the first 30-40 minutes of the movie seem like an act of cruelty beset upon me by people who shouldn't have made a movie.
The acting is bad (obvious even though it's dubbed). The dubbing is just awful, I mean, honestly probably the worst dubbing I've ever seen in a movie, bar none. The story doesn't make much sense until you get pretty late into it and you're like "Oh, so that's what those people were doing and this is what the killer is and man this movie is way too long..."
Which is a fact, this movie should probably have clocked in at no more than 70, maybe 75 minutes if I'm being incredibly generous, but it is brutally padded out to make an 87-minute run-time.
I dunno, I'm rambling. This movie was a real disappointment. I had genuinely hoped that this would be a little "bad" gem, not a good movie by any means but a movie with some fun, garish **** in it. Instead it's just like somebody who wanted to make a movie somehow got permission to film in the same castle as Kill, Baby! Kill! and so they technically made a movie. I feel pretty confident saying that this is the worst Euro-trash movie I've seen, and I've seen a lot of them.
Sigh.



Bloody Pit of Horror is pretty good.


*shrugs*
Do you maybe have a review somewhere that I could read? Because I am open to liking this movie, I wanted to like this movie, and I just couldn't fight my way through how bad it is, even compared to cheapest Euro-trash movies I've seen.
For example (and I don't think this necessarily qualifies as Euro-trash but the movies are not dissimilar), The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism isn't like 25 or even 50% better than Bloody Pit Of Horror, it's like 300-400% better. Maybe more than that. Girl Slaves Of Morganna Le Fay is several times better than BPoH. House Of Whipcord is far, far better than BPoH.
I'm really struggling to even come up with a single movie that is in the same low tier as BPoH.
Maybe my expectations were the problem. I can tell you that when it turned out that
WARNING: "main spoiler" spoilers below
it was really just this very fit (for the time) rich actor who'd lost his mind and decided he was actually the reincarnation of The Crimson Executioner and he was just mustache twirling and exclaiming "The Crimson Executioner!" over and over again for the whole second half of the film,
I was pretty much lost and a little angry that I had sat through all of this movie's shortcomings just for that.
I'd love to hear what I missed that made it a pretty good because I am open to being wrong and re-visitong it.



I'd love to hear what I missed that made it a pretty good because I am open to being wrong and re-visitong it.
I'd say you were right the first time. I mean, "worst ever" is pretty strong and I wouldn't go that far, but I'd agree that any enjoyment I got out of it was of the unintentional variety. And lord knows I'm pretty forgiving of such things. You have to remember that Crummy hasn't seen a "good" film since approximately 1995 so it's all relative.



Do you maybe have a review somewhere that I could read? Because I am open to liking this movie, I wanted to like this movie, and I just couldn't fight my way through how bad it is, even compared to cheapest Euro-trash movies I've seen.
For example (and I don't think this necessarily qualifies as Euro-trash but the movies are not dissimilar), The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism isn't like 25 or even 50% better than Bloody Pit Of Horror, it's like 300-400% better. Maybe more than that. Girl Slaves Of Morganna Le Fay is several times better than BPoH. House Of Whipcord is far, far better than BPoH.
I'm really struggling to even come up with a single movie that is in the same low tier as BPoH.
Maybe my expectations were the problem. I can tell you that when it turned out that
WARNING: "main spoiler" spoilers below
it was really just this very fit (for the time) rich actor who'd lost his mind and decided he was actually the reincarnation of The Crimson Executioner and he was just mustache twirling and exclaiming "The Crimson Executioner!" over and over again for the whole second half of the film,
I was pretty much lost and a little angry that I had sat through all of this movie's shortcomings just for that.
I'd love to hear what I missed that made it a pretty good because I am open to being wrong and re-visitong it.

I saw it a long time ago, probably in the beginning of me starting to re-evaluate what the value of 'cheap' or 'stupid' or 'ridiculously cheap and stupid' movies were. I doubt anything that I liked about it had to do with the motivations of the villain, or the fact that it's pacing is probably interminable. As usual, it was probably about a film carving out a very particular niche and just expecting the rest of the world to come around to it.



It certainly wasn't a high point in my film going life though. And not one that I've ever had a serious interest in going back to (although I have contemplated it once or twice). If I ever do, and I feel similarly, I'll do my best to articulate the kind of mediocre black magic it casts on me.



I'd say you were right the first time. I mean, "worst ever" is pretty strong and I wouldn't go that far, but I'd agree that any enjoyment I got out of it was of the unintentional variety. And lord knows I'm pretty forgiving of such things. You have to remember that Crummy hasn't seen a "good" film since approximately 1995 so it's all relative.

Hey! I watched Marketa Lazarova! That is almost three hours of watching a movie that is "good"! Three out of Five stars good!



Now, excuse me while these Czechloslovakian film studies scholars hand me my final cigarette. It's hard to type underneath this blindfold.





Is it obvious that I'm ready for it to be October so I can binge horror? I'm not saying that I'm not enjoying this binge, but this movie's double genre label of sci-fi and horror enticed me. Then again, besides making God and The Devil space aliens, does it really count as sci-fi? Okay, that's enough genre semantics: The Devil, a.k.a Sateen, has taken the form of Katy, a spoiled 8-year-old girl and Karen-in-training (Paige Conner). Upon discovering Sateen's identity, Yahweh (John Huston) shows up in the form of Jerzy, an elderly visitor from Poland, to stop her.

This is one of those movies that make you wonder what took you so long to see it. For starters, it's set in Atlanta and features locations I've visited several times. Plus, what a cast! If it were not enough that John Huston plays God, they managed to get Franco Nero to play Space Jesus and Sam Peckinpah to play Katy's mother's ex. As for Katy and Jerzy's cat and mouse game, it's thrilling to watch, especially since you're never sure what their next showdown venue will be or what weapons will be at their disposal. Besides a scene that was obviously inspired by The Birds, it has possibly the strangest one I've ever watched featuring an ice-skating rink.

Speaking of The Birds, nearly the entire movie has scenes you could describe as "obviously inspired" by ones from another property and they range from The Omen, obviously, all the way to Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Regardless, the movie not only worked for me, but it also manages to be coherent and make sense albeit in its own strange way. What's more, it may come across like a movie the mockbuster studio The Asylum would cook up there days, but it's not just doing a lot of aping. It's no coincidence that the bad guys and their minions are all wealthy capitalists. Again, there are times when the outlandishness of the entire affair made it impossible for me to keep a straight face, but the important thing is I had a lot of fun.

I just hope that someday, I’ll be so cool that when I enter any room, this music plays (skip to 0:11):
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Last Great Movie Seen
Silent Running (Trumbull, 1972)



Added The Visitor to the watchlist. Hopefully, I manage to find it soon.

IIRC, I remember buying it from Drafthouse years ago, so they might be the place to rent it from these days.


Be aware, while there are definitely some entertaining wtf scenes, there are also extended sequences of Huston walking down 30 floors of stairs to some 70's action music.