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I think that's where you need to start - getting over this concept about yourself.

Yes, we all "need' human companionship and a sense of belonging (the hierarchy of needs and all that), and everyone would love to be loved, but the most well-adjusted, secure and successful people with relationships are the ones who don't perceive themselves as in need of someone else to make them feel accepted or complete. None of us are half people, we are all complete unless we see ourselves as otherwise.

Not sure if what I'm trying to say is coming across correctly, but it's kind of like the need for approval - those who feel they need it are those who rarely get it by constantly striving for it. While those who don't need it are the ones who more readily get it.

Work on shoring up your own sense of independence, security, self worth, self esteem and confidence, and that will help you eventually attract someone who is likewise.
This makes a lot of sense actually. I guess I am heading in the right direction already with this though by deciding to re-discover who I am again and getting my life sorted first before jumping into/looking for another relationship. Thanks for the advice - this actually really hits home for me.



Captain Steel, do you have a woman for yourself?
Nope!

Now that begs the question: am I speaking from experience of having had women OR am I speaking from the experience of being single?



That would make a good thread and I'm interested in that. But can you condense it down for MoFo? 10,000 words is a lot to read. Edit it down, and post it.
Either that or I could post chapters over a set period of time. I just have to wait till I have handed it in and gotten my feedback/mark first.



Uh-huh. I thought so. It's always you single people who say - Ohhhh, you don't need to date! You don't need to date! Try being alone for awhile! Work on yourself!

Captain Steel, when are you gonna finish working on your self?
Advice is a lot easier to give out than to practice!
Just because I know what to do doesn't mean I do it.
Like... I know all about healthy diet and exercise...
And, Sexy... I never lie.



Advice is a lot easier to give out than to practice!
Just because I know what to do doesn't mean I do it.
Like... I know all about healthy diet and exercise...
And, Sexy... I never lie.
Good Captain.



Are you saying that like "Good, Captain" (like that's good)?
Or "Good Captain!" (like "Good dog!")?
Like "Good dog." I should have got you a treat.



The thing isolated becomes incomprehensible
I think that may be the case for a little while. But I honestly feel I am a person who needs it. It helps to have someone there for me to just let me completely be myself at all times - without the argumentative bits.
3 weeks ago, I broke up a 8 year long relationship. Or better, she broke up with me.

Going through a hard time right now, and I can assure you I think like you. What would I recomend is trying to spend this time alone, and try to get to know yourself. We don't learn from stability, we learn and grow up when we don't have anything to hold to.
I know it's easier to say than to do, and even if I tend to look for the oposite, I know that the better for me at the moment is to focus on myself for a while.

You will never be able to give yourself to a person if you jump into a relationship this fast.



But I am quite overbearing, I do get pushy and argumentative.
There's nothing wrong with being argumentative. It keeps the relationship a little edgy and interesting. Being overbearing and pushy, however, are two really bad characteristics to have in a relationship. Things might go your way for a short while if you use those manipulative techniques, but in the end almost everyone will leave you because they feel their individual independence is being threatened.
I strongly hate pushy behavior and try to never fall into the trap of behaving in a pushy way myself, especially when it seems like an easy way to get my girlfriend to do what I want her to do. I always try to make her feel like she can comfortably choose her own behavior without being afraid of what I'm going to say or do. This creates an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect that I highly recommend.

It's very important to always respect the fact that your partner is first and foremost an individual person. Your partner's life doesn't have to completely revolve around you and yours doesn't have to completely revolve around theirs. Always keep that in the back of your mind.
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Cobpyth's Movie Log ~ 2019



You can't win an argument just by being right!
There's nothing wrong with being argumentative. It keeps the relationship a little edgy and interesting. Being overbearing and pushy, however, are two really bad characteristics to have in a relationship. Things might go your way for a short while if you use those manipulative techniques, but in the end almost everyone will leave you because they feel their individual independence is being threatened.
I strongly hate pushy behavior and try to never fall into the trap of behaving in a pushy way myself, especially when it seems like an easy way to get my girlfriend to do what I want her to do. I always try to make her feel like she can comfortably choose her own behavior without being afraid of what I'm going to say or do. This creates an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect that I highly recommend.

It's very important to always respect the fact that your partner is first and foremost an individual person. Your partner's life doesn't have to completely revolve around you and yours doesn't have to completely revolve around theirs. Always keep that in the back of your mind.

You seem like a very sensible gentleman, not that Rhys isn't, but I think he should stop bashing himself so much. Some times relationships just dont work for one of the couple, and it's rarely over just one incident.



Neiba - I am really sorry to hear that. That certainly must be hard but I completely agree with you. Even after 8-years though, I am sure there is enough room to move onto other (and better) things.

Cobpyth - I realise those are very bad qualities to have and they are the main things I am going to be working on. A friend taught me recently that going straight to your girlfriend/boyfriend first about an issue you may have with them is not always the best thing to do if you're a naturally pushy person. Sometimes it is better to talk to a friend to get a better perspective without getting the other person involved and making things worse. This advice sounds like it could work for me, but I just need to learn how to spot and question these things myself when I begin to do them. It will take a lot of work but I know I can improve this.

Dani8 - You may be right. But I think I need to work on myself some more before I stop bashing myself when I know I have done wrong. It is a recurring thing that has pushed girls away. At least I am aware of this and want to change though. I almost feel like I will do alright if I stop acting like.


Thanks guys.



Also Dani... I don't believe that I have talked to you on here yet. I just checked your profile and you've posted over 3000 posts in a month?

That's pretty good going if you ask me!



You can't win an argument just by being right!
Dani8 - You may be right. But I think I need to work on myself some more before I stop bashing myself when I know I have done wrong. It is a recurring thing that has pushed girls away. At least I am aware of this and want to change though. I almost feel like I will do alright if I stop acting like.


Thanks guys.
You seem very self aware and that's great, but dont beat yourself up, love.



Let the night air cool you off
I found out my mom now has stage 4 cancer. It could very well kill her. I have no idea how to cope with this. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I find myself getting angry, but I am helpless, so I know that can't be healthy for me. I start thinking of what I'll do if my mother passes from this, but she's not even dead yet. I don't want to think of that; I still want to feel the hope that she'll come out of this alright. I don't know though, because the doctor said something along the lines of it might not be curable, but treatable. I don't even know what that means. I am scared and hurting and sad and angry and overwhelmed. My mom is three hours away from me, so I haven't even be able to hug her and tell her I love her to her face. I don't know how to cope with this.



You can't win an argument just by being right!
I'm scared for Austruck now.
What the hell is wrong with you!



Bright light. Bright light. Uh oh.
jj, go and hug your mom for a long time ASAP. I'm sending you my prayers and best wishes.
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