MoFo art gallery

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

I'm glad to see I'm appreciated.

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Interesting stuff Nitz , I like em but why does the angry looking chainsaw guy have someone hiding behind him. Seems a bit like a villain in which case I thought she shouldn't be protected by him, unless she's going to stab him in the back or something like that. Then I figured maybe he is the hero but just really pissed off and also that I shouldn't think so much about it

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Concert Tab!! MOFO poetry Been Dreaming Lately?

haha actually i tried to copy this poster but then i thought, hell why not make her a zombie so i did. and i forgot to finish it, so for some reason a chunk of his arm is missing

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"All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don't break them for no one."

I have that poster

Anyways, I wasn't originally going to post this here, only on my site, but the response has been pretty good so I figure I'll let it see the light of MoFo as well. Just don't steal it or I'll slit your throat(s). It's a short called Twisted Disk of a Spiral Galaxy. It was a quick write and it's a quick read, so if you're in the mood, have at it.

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Horror's Not Dead
Latest Movie Review(s): Too lazy to keep this up to date. New reviews every week.

Hey OG, sorry i havnt replied to your PM, im trying to grab a few minutes to give this my full attention, will let you know asap

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Pumpkins scream in the DEAD of night!

No worries I actually got a very heartwarming response from a friend today who I haven't seen in three or four years (he moved out to CA):

RyanG: Peter, I bet you have so many untold stories
RyanG: If only the world could hear them all...
RyanG:

OG-
What software did you use to write that script?

Word

That’s not a bad story at all OG-. I have a couple of questions for you. Just how long do you hope this short to be once it’s filmed? It’s 19 pages of script, but a lot of it is nothing more than quick paced dialogue, so I doubt it will be 19 minutes long. Another question I have is: are you going to have it proofed before you submit it? Because I noticed a few (not a lot) spelling and grammatical errors and a few typos as well.

You didn’t really ask for any constructive criticism, but I’ll give you a couple of suggestions anyway. Just remember, I’m nothing more than an amateur writer, and it was years ago when I wrote my script for LittleHorn. But I have read hundreds of books, watched hundreds of good movies, and read a couple of dozen famous scripts. So whatever I say…just take it with a grain of salt.

• Adam’s and Angela’s conversation at the beginning of the story seemed much too juvenile for two twenty-something’s. I would suggest making it a bit more mature to fit in better with the rest of the story.
  
• I would think that while Adam received the news of Angela’s condition from the doctor, that he would be extremely agitated and also very animated, but you didn’t make any comment on his actions, or the doctor’s, while they had their discussion. Perhaps adding that will help with the envisioning of the story.
  
• I would guess, considering the horrific accident that Angela was a part of, that she would actually be in surgery during the time you listed. Maybe changing the time frame would make it more realistic. It also seems unlikely that she would be awake considering the amount of trauma she suffered. Possibly making it where he stays the night at the hospital while she is in surgery, and being woken up by the doctor at an undetermined time would work better.
  
• I doubt also that the doctor would have so much information about the accident. I just cannot see him knowing when people swerved, and how their cars were positioned during the accident. Being too descriptive here isn’t helping the believability of your tale.
  
• I would have been more fulfilled to actually see a reaction coming from Adam as he looked at the final photographs. His choice that he made in the hospital on that fateful day could be the catalyst for what type of film you eventually make. Do you want the audience to hate Adam? Do you want them to feel superior to him because they believe they would have made the other choice? If you do, then his reaction to those photographs could be crucial. He needs to look at them in horror, fear, and shame; self loathing written all over his face. Make the audience scream, “HA! Serves you right you shallow Bastard!”
  
  But if you would rather have the audience sympathize with Adam for making a poor decision that has haunted him his whole life; a decision that some of the audience could quietly relate to and even admit to themselves that their decision might have been the same; then his reaction should be one of incredible grief, and sorrow. He should be gasping sobs and looking at the picture with pity and ending with the same self-loathing that the other scenario describes.
  
  One way or another, I feel that the tale is incomplete without Adam’s reaction. Keep the final moments the same, but I highly recommend considering that final reaction shot regardless of what you choose.

BTW: I hear Angela laughing happily during the fade to black. Just as soft as wind chimes on a mellow spring day, with Adam’s voice more pronounced so it doesn’t get lost.

ABOVE ALL: GOOD JOB, MAN!

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"Today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

Thanks for the reply, first bit of real criticism I've gotten on it.

As for the questions you raise (which were all good and again, my thanks ):

The length of it (screen time wise):

Honestly, when I wrote it I never really thought about filming it. I have it completely envisioned in my mind if it were a movie (as I do with everything I write, it's just how I think of things these days), but those weren't my original intentions. I was going to write it as just a plain short story, but at this point I just prefer writing scripts. I actually discussed the possibilities of filming it with my buddy at a party last night and he thought it wouldn't be too hard to secure the sets (which was largely the only thing holding back my intentions of filming). So ya never know. If I were to put it to film 15 minutes or so would be the length I'd shoot for (though with the material in the script as is, it'd need expanding). I actually don't think that, given the actors I have as resources, I could do it justice on film right now. But we'll see. Maybe this summer as a precursor to my bigger project.

As for proofreading, I was planning on finding someone to actually hit it up for my shortcommings. I ran it over briefly, but that was about it.

Funny you should mention their conversation seems to juvenile, because essentially it is a homogenization of conversations my girlfriend and I would have laying in bed (I've even bought her a star). Granted, we're bottom line of 20, but yes it is rather lacking of some maturity. I kind of felt that altering that would isolate alot of the sweetness in it, but that is most likely coming from me just knowing it is me and my gal.

The News of her conditon:
I had in my mind Adam being very animated, but I didn't put it in the script because I did have it in my mind. But since I am going to be entering it, I will put some more descriptive areas in there.

Surgery:
This is actually something I did think about when I was first writing, but honestly was too lazy to alter initially. You're the first person to comment on it. It really isn't plausible that she would already be in casts and alone in an ICU room. So yah...I'll change that.

The Doctor:
This could use some more expansion as well, as you pointed out. I'll work in some dialogue about how the police officer may have explained it to the doctor or possibly have a police officer be there as well?

Adam's final reaction and our views on him:
His final reaction is rather weak in the scope of everything he has just seen. So, again, I'll expand on that some more. As for the audiences/readers take on Adam...I don't want them to feel superior. Ideally they would sympathize for him, at least I would, because in the end...he did do this to himself, but he was dumb and didn't think of the repercussions of his actions.

I was explaining it to Mark (my film partner) last night at said party (bastard hasn't even gotten around to reading it after a month or so of me writing it) and he got very depressed at the end because he said it further solidified something he had been thinking of recently, which was that everyone in this world gets one shot at true happiness, one shot with the love of their life and if they blow it, that's it; you're screwed. I hadn't thought of it in those terms, though that was an undercurrent of the whole thing.

Oh, and if you hear her laughing at the end, then you Sir. are more sadistic than I am...and that is a feat right there.

Well, finally got something together of my music. My cousin created a page for us at Pure Volume, I'm not really fond of the artist name, but that's only for now. Anyways, there's only one track up right now but there will surely be more to come.

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this is summit i made the other day for a challenge

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Undercoverlovers 100 REDUX

I don’t know, man. Think about it this way; if you had witnessed a massive collision like the one that happens in your story…would you be able to recall it with that type of clarity? Probably not, and a doctor or police officer would even have less. If it were I writing the story (which I know I’m not), I would leave it a bit more vague. Her injuries itself are enough to propel the story toward the way you need it to go.

I don’t believe that, and I doubt that anyone with more time under their belt would believe that either…but I did when I was younger and can easily understand where you’re coming from.

Heh…that’s not what I meant at all. What I’m saying is that I can hear her laughing happily, like she did when their lives were more idyllic and they were still immortal. Then he also hears his promise to her just hours before his betrayal. Her ‘dead’ eyes in the photograph and the memory of her happiness…ouch.

But nonetheless...you can rest assured that my propensities for sadism run very deep in a very murky ocean that your little pond cannot emulate.

Ah, I see what you're getting at. I'll evolve it into that, which I too think will work much better.

I personally don't believe it, though I do think it was represented in the story. Not as an absolute fact, but more as a theory. I just pointed it out because I thought it was interesting that my friend mentioned it.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Hey the song called "Diatribe" is pretty awesome, it's got some cool drum solos and the guitar work that repeats makes the song sound pretty professional like the start of a song you'd hear on the radio. So are you guys Coconut Fever? It's an ok name but I can see why you'd be thinking of others because if you start getting well known there's no way you can change it

Oh and your BIO on the site is empty

Nice Fanart UCL it's really well done with the writing and the artistic way you joined up the photos, but the pictures seem so old for me because I borrowed season 5&6&7 recently from a friend and well Angel is barely in them heh. What program did you use to make it?

Ah yes...The POWER!!! Mwahahahaha!!!

Sounds like a depressed fellow. Have you considered euthanasia? Put him out of your misery?

I'm glad you liked that.

Thanks for checking it out! Anyways, the band name is just a little too corny for me, who knows maybe it'll grow on me (or maybe not).

Yeah, we literally just got the site open. More will come.

Thanx for your kind words. I used those pictures because the challenge was 'the saddest scene' and i cry every time at that scene. I use Adobe 6.0, i love it, its so easy to use. I tried using Paintshop pro 7 but it was rubbish and confusing