the darwin awards

i'm sure some of you have heard of the Darwin Awards- given to the winner(s) of a stack of nominees who all met their doom after some amazingly moronic action.
they have all "taken themselves out of the gene pool" so to speak- and the stories are hard to believe:

the winner for 2001 was a pair of fella's who decided to sneak into an ampitheatre to see a sold-out rock concert. the first guy launched himself over the ten foot wall and found a thirty foot drop on the other side!
he got hung up in a tree and then decided to cut his shorts off with his pocket knife so he could drop the remaining distance. he did this, and fell bare-butted onto a bunch of holly/briar bushes and was impaled through the rectum with a holly branch!!
his pocket knife was now sticking out of his thigh and the briars cut him all over the rest of his body.

his friend saw this from his perch above and decided to throw his buddy a rope. he then tied the other end of the rope to his pick-up truck and hit the gas. unfortunately he was in reverse and he slammed backwards into and through the wall and fell the thirty feet onto his friend!
he was thrown from the car and died of massive internal injuries.

when the police lifted the truck, they found the first guy crushed beneath it, with a holly branch up his @ss, his pocket knife stuck in his thigh, and his shorts twenty feet up in a tree.




***a runner up story example is of a guy who decided to use a bullet as a temporary "fuse" in his car.....he blew his face off.

***another guy decided to bite down on a blasting cap and met a similar fate.

***one guy decided to steal a hot dog from a convenience store and he ran out of the store laughing, shoving the hotdog into his mouth.
he was found a short distance away, dead from choking on the hot dog.

***yet another story is of a guy who wanted to see how fast his car could go if he attached jet propulsion tanks to it.
they found his car 150 feet up, slammed completely into the side of a mountain.


anybody have any more stories to add? i hope so or this thread is DEAD.

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on dance seul, on dance seul.....

I have two, both inspired by that top one -- one of them is feel good, and the other is, well, painful. One of them is something sorta close to me, the other I read somewhere. Before I begin, I believe North American's refer to a "tap" as a "faucet".

1.
Three guys read about the Moulin Rouge premiere in Sydney and decided to go. No joke, they just decided to go. They hired some tuxedo's made some fake passes, hired a limo and just ROCKED UP. Two of the guys got left behind at the entrance to the screening, but the other was able to bluff his way in with help of his pass. After the film, which he "quite enjoyed", he went to the after party and soon had sumggled in his two other friends. They mixed and mingled, spoke to Nicole, chatted to Baz. They were in big group photos, they drank free drink, ate free food. Had a good time. When it ended, they went home.

Just like that.


2.
The second story is, well, not as nice. It involves a kid I know, at my old primary school climbing a tree. Now there was a rule, no climbing trees, and this, I think just proves why the rule was in place. The kid...fell, from the tree.

On to a tap.

With no head.

On his arse.

Just like that.

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www.esotericrabbit.com

thanks silver!.......doesn't anybody else have some stories to add? Toose, you've seen it all- tell us something.

That either happens a lot, or the Darwin Awards are in reruns.

This story dates back to the early '60s. It's actually not true, but a widely reported Urban Legend (as are many stories listed on Darwin Awards sites. Some stories are legit, though).

http://www.dps.state.az.us/news/nr96006.htm

Good stories, though.

My tap story was definatly true.

Another bullet story:

My mother, in her teens, used to be a swimming instructer and once she had two little twin redjead boys in her class. Now aparently they were pretty badly behaved kids, but that's not the point, and nor is the point that my Mum taught them to swim [not that it'll matter, as you will soon hear]. That's just to prove that it's true.

One day these kids were making a cubbyhouse [treehouse] and had hammers and nails and whatnot and they found a rifle bullet -- you know, the metal cap, the plastic casing, etc. And they decided to hit it with a hammer. Didn't blow their faces of, per se.

But they're both 100% blind now.

thanks ryan, i hate falling for urban legends!

i have a newspaper clipping of a story from a couple of years ago, wherein a guy was shot in the forehead with a nailgun.
a four inch nail went in all the way!
he is fine except that he now craves "eggs" and loves "country music" when he used to hate both.

is that ridiculously weird or what?

I've often thought that love of country music was related to head trauma. Now we have proof.

I was going through my briefcase the other day, and I found a newspaper clipping from 1989. It was about a guy whose last name was "Noid" and who held Domino's Pizza workers hostage because he thought Domino's Pizza was out to get him since their ad campaign at the time was "Avoid the Noid" (the Noid being a cartoon creature of some sort that tried to keep pizzas from being delivered hot and fresh.)

For some reason, I always find that story very amusing (nobody was hurt in the incident. The man eventually surrendured after all the hostages managed to escape).

my favorite one is the guy who was in a room and suffacated on his own farts

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"Who comes at 12:00 on a Sunday night to rent Butch Cassady and the Sundance Kid?"
-Hollywood Video rental guy to me

i'm in complete agreement with you ryan with the exception of some classic Patsy Cline perhaps.

.....and on the subject of the "noid", i had never heard that before......it's hilarious.

me thinks there are an awful lot of people walking dangerously close to the cliffs of psychosis! yyyyii yyyii yyyyii.

New one:

There was a guy taking an exam and he thought he was doing alright until he got to the final ten minutes and started to read over what he had done. It was only then he realised he'd basically answered the wrong questions. With that, he realised he had no time to fix what he had done, and had "ruined" the rest of his life. So he took his pencil, snapped it in half, placed one half up each nostril and slammed his head into the table.

That one I have lead to believe waas true, but since then I have heard variations of it, thus concluding it's probably a myth. The following, however, as ridiculous at it is -- is not a myth:

A guy wanted to kill himself, but at the same time he wanted to make sure that he definatly died. So, he stood on a bridge with cement boots on, with a noose around his neck, swallowed a heap of poison and put a gun to his head and jumped. The gun shot through the noose, he vomited up all the poison when the force in which he hit the water, and the cement boots weren't well done and slipped off!! He was pulled, alive from the water half an hour later. But here's the funny part.


The next day he died of hypothermia.

wow!!!!!! how to die with integrity, heh heh. poor sap.

a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that 6 inches you promised me last night?"

not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard. true.

I heard it was eight inches, but oh well.

ahhhh, there's my silver friend joining in......we are the only two people, almost, who post on this thread! how's it goin'?

i'm thinking of starting a thread for funny stuff? whatdy'a think?

The Funny Stuff Thread

I agree.
This place is lifeless. We need comedy!

Memo to Mofo -- BE COMEDIER!!

Let's do it. Then we'll need to find funny stuff.

For example:
http://www.email.net/work-well-together.html

this is funny for anyone who knows cats............


HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL....


1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2)Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees.
Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat.
Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.
Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
Get another pill.
Open another beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
Flick pill down throat with elastic band.


11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.
Toss back another shot.
Throw sweaty, bloodied T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire department to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from $40.00 foil-wrapped pack.

13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Be rough about it.
Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch.
Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Call furniture shop on the way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from Hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL-

1) Wrap it in cheese.

Cool link dood...where from?

<cough> <cough>

http://www.movieforums.net/showthrea...&threadid=1650

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henry hill - Disclaimer: This disclaimer disclaims any claims that could be claimed from my post.

http://www.movieforums.net/showthrea...4&pagenumber=1

Bottom post. Now check the date on that one compared to date on yours and get over yourself.

oho

(stroke of the chin)

interesting...

I got these off the Darwin Awards Website

(January 2002, Croatia) A Croatian was killed while trying to open a hand grenade with a chainsaw. He wanted to retrieve the explosive to make firecrackers for the New Year's holiday.

(January 2003, India) Regarding accidental deaths during the construction of a subway in New Delhi, the New York Times wrote, "One of those killed was an unlucky thief who tried to steal braces holding up a concrete slab; it fell and killed him."

(28 February 2000, Texas) A Houston man earned a succinct lesson in gun safety when he played Russian roulette with a .45-caliber semiautomatic pistol. Rashaad, nineteen, was visiting friends when he announced his intention to play the deadly game. He apparently did not realize that a semiautomatic pistol, unlike a revolver, automatically inserts a cartridge into the firing chamber when the gun is cocked. His chance of winning a round of Russian roulette was zero, as he quickly discovered.

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Concert Tab!! MOFO poetry Been Dreaming Lately?