The Mandalorian (Star Wars)


"Money won is twice as sweet as money earned."

My brother was enthusiastically telling me this show was actually very good, so I decided to give it a shot. I'll never trust his taste in anything ever again. I couldn't finish 15 minutes of the first episode, it was non-stop cringe. The acting had a goofy tone that made it impossible for me to achieve any immersion. All of the costumes looked brand new, so any sense of poverty on backwater worlds was tacky. Even the dirt looked clean. This did not feel like Star Wars at all, more like some childish nerd fantasy in a Star Wars rip-off alternate universe. The plot was pure nerd fantasy, and I'll give an example of what I mean. The first episode starts with the Mandalorian walking into a bar. People pick a fight with him for no apparent reason and he defeats them effortlessly in Mary-Sue fashion with martial arts that are so slow and obviously choreographed they make Seraph's sucker punch in The Matrix Reloaded look like it wasn't telegraphed at all.

It was worse than I was expecting, and my expectations were so low I was dreading it as it were. I didn't think it was possible to be worse than I was expecting, but they nailed it. If only it had that so-bad-it's-good appeal, I could enjoy it for that. But it was just boring and lame in every way shape and form imaginable.

Let's see all the red flags:
1. One dimensional Mary-Sue characters
2. Costumes and props way too clean
3. Implausible plot and Deus-Ex Machinas
4. Cliche boring dialogue
5. Wooden and goofy acting
6. Realism sacrificed for dramatic effect

That's what I noticed within the first fifteen minutes, and you couldn't make me watch more if you put a gun to my head or payed me all the money in the universe. I'm kidding about not being able to watch more, but if you payed me well I'd do an in-depth critical review. Still, I'd rather turn down a million dollars and do something more meaningful with my time, like watch paint dry. I don't think it's possible to bash this show enough. This was worse than Twilight. I got through an hour of Twilight because it had some so-bad-it's-good appeal.

Setsuko Hara is my co-pilot
Binge-watched the entire thing in one sitting.

Spoilers... I guess.

Starts really strong with a right-in-your-face ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST Harmonica entrance rip-off (although a much less sophisticated version of it) and throws you right into the world of Star Wars. The first two episodes are a helluva ride, but then the series makes a halt and drops in quality to regain it in the sixth episode in which crimson-lit white corridors see lots of healthy tension interrupted by Disney-friendly yet exciting outbursts of violence. The de facto two-episode finale is quite a spectacle, too, as long as you can suspend your disbelief and just get along with the ride. By far the weakest yet stil solid episode would be number four, a simple mix of SHANE and SEVEN SAMURAI. I never knew that I always wanted to see a fantasy version of LONE WOLF AND AND A CUB with a Capitalist Cheburashka / Green Gizmo. Seriously, all they had to do was repeat the Baby Groot cutesy cute from GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, although my nitpick would be that Baby Yoda was not cute enough. Also, IG-11 doing his HARD BOILED Chow Yun-fat thing is perhaps the most badass scene I've seen this year (which is a very convenient thing to say as it's still January, and I can easily go back on this). All in all, pretty good entertainment even though the story felt like a side-quest line in SKYRIM. Never expected anything else. I will be watching Season 2. Lots of haters, but they hated the new Star Wars, too, so I don't care.

Oh, and let's finish this with a pun. You know, they're very progressive nowadays. This show also has a strong female character.

In the strictest sense lesbians can't have sex at all period.

We've gone on holiday by mistake
Enjoyed it but I'm not seeing any creativity from Lucasfilm which is their core problem. The whole thing relies on characters major and minor from 40 years ago. Boba Fett 2.0, Yoda, Tatooine, IG 88, Empire.

Strong cast right through though, took me a while to place Nick Nolte and GOAT movie villain Clacy Brown, love Gina Carano, don't subscribe to some of the strong women complaints this time around.

Maybe the strong cast and Star Wars feel made it feel better than it was. Looking forward to the next one.

Made me wish they'd pick up what I remember being excellent book series in Rogue Squadron / Wraith Squadron.