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80's Trash from the Future

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You're a Genius all the time
Yeah, don't knock it on the head, UF. I've been reading and enjoying these write ups since you started. Top notch stuff, really. The only one of these flicks I've seen is CHUD, which I think is a pretty kickass movie. The fact that you only gave it a
makes me wanna check out some of this other trash all the more.

And the thread title is perfect, sir. Keep up the good work



Hudsucker!

Well, the thread does get traffic, and I think some of the folks have already dug some of these up and watched (see Mark's post).

That said, these films are probably only of interest to a certain type of viewer, and, just where is our favorite post-apoc film??

I presume Parsifal et al. will be making an appearance?
Yeah 2019 (which I've just realized is also the year Blade Runner was set in)will be in here somewhere. I've not done it yet because we've mentioned it recently and I want to start with films people may not be familiar with.

I totally appreciate that many of these movies are on the fringe, and therefore not for general consumption. I decided to do it because there seem to be a lot of young horror fans on MoFo, and I thought they might find it interesting. Still, what with CGI mega budget flicks being the choice of today, these titles probably aren't that appealing to teenagers now. I certainly wasn't interested in 60's horror when I was fifteen. What the kids don't seem to realize though, is that the horror films made in the 80's were often bloodier than their contemporary counterparts.

Nevertheless I enjoy writing these reviews, and will continue to post them. Hopefully the thread will become a grower.



Yeah, don't knock it on the head, UF. I've been reading and enjoying these write ups since you started. Top notch stuff, really. The only one of these flicks I've seen is CHUD, which I think is a pretty kickass movie. The fact that you only gave it a
makes me wanna check out some of this other trash all the more.

And the thread title is perfect, sir. Keep up the good work
Thanks for the kind words Chef, I honestly thought Mark f was the only one reading this. I'm definitely going to continue the thread now, there's a lot more where these came from.






C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud
(David Irving 1989)
Trash rating

This is an in name only, comedy sequel to C.H.U.D. directed by David Irving, who thankfully went on to do very little else (I wonder why?). The story (which stinks) was written by Ed Naha, whose only other notable contribution to cinema was co scripting another lousy sequel, namely the 1992 turkey Honey I Blew Up the Kid. Both have gone on to work in US television on programs, which being British, I thankfully haven't had to sit through. What do I think should be done with these men? Well to paraphrase Dean Wormer in Animal House, 'They should string em' up by the balls, that's what they should do!!!'. Why UF? because C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud is irredeemable crap unworthy of a chimpanzee.

The story is about two high school morons, Steve (Brian Robbins from US TV show Head of the Class) and Kevin (Bill Calvert). Steve and Kevin steal a corpse (a criminally wasted Gerrit Graham pictured above) from a government science lab. The corpse turns out to be the last of the C.H.U.D.s, (even though it looks nothing like them) and proceeds to go on a slapstick rampage after the idiots thaw it out. Before you can press the dvd eject button there's a whole legion of the things on the loose. We also get Robert Vaughn (really slumming it here) as Colonel Masters, a hammy army bod who wants Bud (surely a nod to Bub) back. *Groan*



Gerrit Graham (a gifted comedian) is the only decent thing about this movie. I have to concede that his portrayal of Bud is often funny, but nothing else about the film is. The fact that Graham isn't on screen most of the time just serves as a further reminder of how bad this thing is. The makeup effects are the real joke though, the C.H.U.D.s literally look like rejects from Romero's Night of the Living Dead, or better still, drug addicts. I mean take a look at the creatures in the original film, then look at Graham in this. The whole thing is labored and forced as to be excruciating, and the likes of Vaughn clearly look embarrassed. The film does have one good scene involving a swimming pool at the end, but you'll probably have given up long beforehand. Apparently some people do like this garbage...I wasn't aware they had a rental service at the local nut house.




I like the thread just fine UF. I hesitate to post much in here though because I don't really get the feeling you like to debate or exchange thoughts on some of these flicks. Especially the ones you don't like. I've seen several of these and will definitely be on the lookout for several of the other titles you've mentioned.

So keep on writing them up, or don't. I happen to love most of these movies in one way or another. I have hundreds of them here at home and I watch them quite a bit.

I will say this about C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D., the theme song was bangin'.
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I like the thread just fine UF. I hesitate to post much in here though because I don't really get the feeling you like to debate or exchange thoughts on some of these flicks. Especially the ones you don't like.

So keep on writing them up, or don't.
Ouch!!!

whatever gave you that idea? You're not still smarting over my Doomsday review are you? Or was it my comments in my 100 Favourites thread? The only reason I didn't want to get drawn into debate there was because I was busy writing the thread (which took me a while) and didn't want to get sidetracked.



Can't say i'm a big fan of these types of films, but you have definitely encouraged me to give a couple of them a go. Man, you do love your cult flicks though..






Neon Maniacs (Joseph Mangine 1986)
Trash rating

*Sigh* Joseph Mangine's only other notable feature was his 1991 disaster Alligator II: The Mutation, and if you rented that one, then you have my condolences. The film (I'm back to Neon Maniacs now) was scripted by Mark Patric Carducci who also wrote 1988's Pumpkinhead aka Vengeance: The Demon, which was actually pretty good. So hey! Neon Maniacs might actually be pretty good too, right? Wrong! I mean just take a look at the two guys pictured. No, Neon Maniacs is a classic case of nice title, shame about the movie.

The film opens with a fisherman near the Golden Gate bridge who finds what looks like some kind of role playing card. Before you can say 'Top Trumps' the poor fellow gets decapitated by some lunatic (we don't get any gore though). It turns out a group of particularly rubbery monsters (all of whom look like they went hog wild in a fancy dress shop) live beneath said bridge, coming out at night to murder unsuspecting teens. We're then introduced to your usual bunch of high schoolers including the hero Steven (Allan Hayes) and his crush Natalie (Leilani Sarelle). Natalie's in with the jocks though, and off they go to the park to drink beer and get in each others pants. Out come the Neon Maniacs who proceed to slaughter all of them (minimal gore again) in a variety of ways. One of the monsters is a samurai, one's a caveman, another is a one eyed blob etc etc. Only Natalie survives, and naturally she's traumatized, so along comes Steven to provide moral support. She's also hounded by plucky horror buff Paula (Donna Locke) who starts piecing it all together, all whilst wearing an over sized Nostromo cap. Together they foil the monsters at a battle of the bands contest, when the realization dawns that they can be destroyed by water.



Neon Maniacs looks like a lot of fun, but don't be fooled as in reality it's incredibly boring and dumb. Where the monsters come from, and why they all dress in such ridiculous outfits is never explained. They're never referred to as Neon Maniacs by any of the characters either, the only mention of the name comes in an extremely naff voice over at the beginning of the film. The movie has very little to offer horror fans, it's too daft to be scary, and please allow me to reiterate, there's hardly any gore on offer. I mean are we really supposed to be afraid of a group of ghouls that turn tail at the first sight of rain? What a bunch of sissies. The film doesn't really work as an unintentional comedy either. Yes the monsters look stupid, but you never get the feeling from Mangine or the cast that it's all for laughs. There isn't even a cool 80's soundtrack on offer, as most of the incidental music is horribly slushy. I suspect that Mangine was trying to create a Nightmare on Elm Street style franchise, with colorful monsters, and a story left open for a sequel. Thank god no-one bought into it. Oh and just in case I forgot to mention it, there's hardly any gore.






Dead Heat (Mark Goldblatt 1988)
Trash rating

Mark Goldblatt has only ever directed two feature films, Dead Heat being the first of them. He followed it up with The Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren in 1989, and well, that was the end of that. Most of Goldblatt's work has been as an editor working on successful high profile movies, such as Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Pearl Harbor, Hollow Man, and Starship Troopers. The story for Dead Heat was written by a guy called Terry Black who also scripted some episodes for the Tales from the Crypt television series. Though other than that, he's been pretty quiet since. With Dead Heat they clearly set out to make a fun tongue in cheek buddy/horror movie, and you know what? they almost pulled it off.

In the film we follow cop duo Roger Mortis (geddit?) played by Treat Williams, and Doug Bigelow, an over the top Joe Piscopo. The opening scene has them foil a couple of jewelry store robbers who've committed a string of robberies, and seem invulnerable to bullets. Finally they manage to kill them, but on taking the bodies to the morgue, learn that they were already dead. The pair play connect the dots with the clues and visit a sinister research lab where they meet Randi James (Lindsay Frost) who isn't all she seems. They also discover a machine that brings the dead back to life, and before you know it, Mortis gets whacked (suffocated to be exact). Yup, in the machine he goes, and bingo, one invincible zombie cop. The rest of the movie has the pair (aided by Randi) uncover the conspiracy behind the machine and its real purpose. A trail that eventually leads them to millionaire Arthur P. Loudermilk played by none other than Vincent Price. Only problem is Mortis is steadily rotting away...



Dead Heat may be cheap and ridiculous, but it sure is a lot of fun. Imagine Lethal Weapon meets Death Becomes Her by way of Re-Animator, and you've pretty much got this movie. There are flaws aplenty though, not least the performance from Piscopo, which has to be the worst case of mugging I've ever seen. He's amusing at first, but soon becomes like an annoying smirking kid, that has to drop wise cracks (mainly misses) into every scene. Treat Williams is good though, I always find him highly watchable, and Dead Heat is no exception. The addition (although brief) of Price in one of his last roles, is another plus, the old master showing he still had it right into old age. The effects on the other hand are rather uneven. There's one knockout sequence in a Chinese restaurant involving some nifty creatures, but the zombie makeups (particularly Mortis) aren't that impressive. One minute he's starting to decay, the next he looks right as rain, definitely a few continuity issues there. Overall though Dead Heat is fun disposable trash that zips along nicely providing plenty of cheesy action. Definitely worth picking up cheap, even if only to marvel at Piscopo's mugging tour de force.




Bright light. Bright light. Uh oh.
I'd agree with your rating of Dead Heat. That's another film I watched at the theatre 20 years ago, but I don't recall ever watching it again. I also agree that Williams is his usual good self, even in what amounts to a gross-out action comedy. Terry Black is obviously not as successful or as well-paid as his brother Shane, but this film would seem to be up the alley of our member The Gnat. In fact, this whole thread seems to be up his alley.
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Creepozoids (David DeCoteau 1987)
Trash rating

David DeCoteau is a prolific film maker who stays mainly within the horror genre. He's probably best known for giving the world Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991), but also delivered the likes of Voodoo Academy (2000), Speed Demon (2003) and let's not forget the classic, Beach Babes 2: Cave Girl Island (1998). What a guy! he sure does churn em' out does Dave. Oh! and let's not forget his buddy, Buford Hauser, who helped him write this (Creepozoids) garbage. Unsurprisingly Buford hasn't had much work since, I can't think why. Yes Creepozoids stinks, but hey! you already knew that right.

The story is about some army lunkheads who 'after a nuclear war' *groan* (which according to this movie took place in 1992) shelter from acid rain in an abandoned government research facilty. (When I say research facility I actually mean the nearest warehouse DeCoteau could find). These army types are really tough, we know this because they haven't had a bath in years, and have names like Butch, Jesse, and Jake. There are also female soldiers called Bianca (Linnea Quigley), and Kate who also need a good wash. Of course the facility turns out to be full of experimental mutants that pick them off one by one. These include giant rats, a beast with huge tusks, and a mutated baby that wont stay dead.



Creepozoids is one of those films that looks and sounds like it was shot on home video. Everything about the film is bad, the location, the acting, the story, and especially the effects. For most of the movie the characters do nothing but scream, run down corridors, and crawl around in ventilation shafts. When we do get some action, it's inept to point of hilarity, especially the giant rat sequence. The rodents are so static that characters literally have to wave them around in a desperate attempt to fake a struggle. The films showstopper though, has to be the climactic mutant baby fight (surely a nod to Larry Cohen's It's Alive 1974). Cue lots more doll shaking and falling over in a scene that if it wasn't played so straight, you'd swear was meant as slapstick farce. Creepozoids is only really noteworthy for 80's scream queen Linnea Quigley, (best known for her graveyard strip in Dan O'Bannon's The Return of the Living Dead 1985). She gets her kit off here in a soapy shower scene near the beginning of the film, but doesn't do much else. All told Creepozoids is boring gutter trash that looks like it was made in an afternoon. Unless you're a Quigley obsessive, or simply a glutton for punishment then steer well clear.








Turkey Shootaka Blood Camp Thatcher aka Escape 2000 (Brian Trenchard-Smith 1982)
Trash rating

Since the early 90's most of British director Trenchard-Smith's work has been in TV movies. His last foray into film was Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997) which thankfully went straight to video, and can probably be found in any number of pound shop bargain bins. He's not really done anything else of note unless you count BMX Bandits (1983) memorable only for the fact that it was Nicole Kidman's first film. Turkey Shoot was an Australian production filmed in north Queensland, and has a cult following amongst trash lovers. The film features a mixture of American, British and Australian actors, including a couple who appeared in George Miller's Mad Max (1979). It's had a nasty reputation ever since the BBFC (British Board of Film Clasification) hacked it to bits due to scenes of sadistic torture and gore. So let's give it the once over...

Set in a totalitarian near future (we don't know exactly when), Turkey Shoot has a nice opening credits sequence showing real footage of riots and marches. We then pick up with activist Paul Anders (Steve Railsback) who gets arrested whilst inciting riots over a radio. Next he's in a van being taking to a correctional facility, along with fellow prisoners, sensitive Chris Walters (the lovely Olivia Hussey) and Rita Daniels (Lynda Stoner). Once there they feel the full wrath of the guards, who regularly rape, torture, and kill prisoners, all supervised by Camp leader Charles Thatcher (Michael Craig) . It soon becomes apparent that Thatcher has an ulterior motive for running the camp, namely the hunting of select prisoners (ala The Most Dangerous Game 1932). Naturally Anders and co get picked, and off they go into the jungle with a three hour headstart, and a promise of freedom if they survive. On their trail are Thatcher with a sniper rifle, Jennifer (Carmen Duncan) a dominatrix with a crossbow, Secretary Mallory (Noel Ferrier) armed with poison dart gun, and Tito (Michael Petrovich) a luatic who drives a JCB, and has a pet werewolf freak (don't ask).



Turkey Shoot is pretty awful stuff that falls completely flat for a number of reasons. First off are the heroic characters, all of whom (with the exception of Hussey) are thouroughly unlikable and uninteresting. Railsback is supposed to be the hero, but he comes off like a one dimensional contrary school boy devoid of charm. The only good guy of any interest, (Bill Young as Griff) is underused and gets killed off early on. Carmen Duncan is the best thing about the film, she's delightfully nasty as Jennifer, kind of like a poor man's Joan Collins, and certainly brightens things up. The rest of the villains however, are just steriotypically sadistic in such a way as to make sure you don't forget who you're rooting for. I cared about Hussey's character, but the rest of them might just as well have been mincemeat. So all that left was the films reputation and action scenes. Yes it's bloody, but the effects on show are second rate at best. We get a man cut in half after having his eye poked out, another gets shot up with arrows, there's an impaling, a man explodes, another is burned alive, and most laughably Chief Guard Ritter (Roger Ward from Mad Max) who has both hands chopped off. The fact that he can be clearly seen hiding his hands up his sleeves just says it all really. Most of the films action involves hunters shooting at Railsback and co with such poor accuracy, you might as well be watching The A Team. It's watchable forgettable stuff with some nice scenery that passes the time, but nothing more. My advice? stick with Battle Royale.




Mate, if these were readily available- i'd lap it up. I'm still flicking through though
They are readily available! With the exception of Humanoids from the Deep (which I own as Monster on vhs, the original warner home video no less) all these films can be easily acquired on ebay. I'm lucky though, as they have a film fair here in Manchester held in Sacha's hotel every two to three months. It's great because they have stalls with loads of import dvds from all over the world. I've been going for years and have managed to get most of the stuff I want (though Galaxy of Terror still eludes me on dvd, have to make do with my vhs).



Really? I meant HMV readily available, don't know if i'd pay over the odds for a film of eBay that only gets
lol. May have a look for the higher rated ones, after i got all the ones from your Top 100. Quite fancy The Hidden



Really? I meant HMV readily available, don't know if i'd pay over the odds for a film of eBay that only gets
lol. May have a look for the higher rated ones, after i got all the ones from your Top 100. Quite fancy The Hidden
I'm being very cagey with my ratings, trying to stay objective and fair. Don't want to mislead people into thinking these films are fantastic, they're an acquired taste to be sure. I'll usually hint in my reviews if the film is worth buying. Take Forbidden World for example, I only gave that one a two, but said in the review that it's enjoyable. I was also very hard on Contamination, but the fact is that movie is really cool, and one of my favourite trash movies. If I went and gave it three stars instead of one and a half, I'd be fooling people though. In essence it's mere junk, but very funny with it. Rating these movies is the hardest thing about doing these reviews, I'm constantly having to mark them down, which often hurts.

With that said however, hopefully it's just fun to read about them, without feeling the need to buy. I didn't create this thread to recommend movies to people, it's meant more as a bit of fun. Though horror fans looking to get into these types of films will hopefully find my reviews useful.



You could always list a "Trash rating" along with the other rating. The trash rating would obviously be higher than the other one.
Thanks Mark that's a great idea.

I'd been considering doing something similar, but felt it might detract from the validity of the reviews in some way. I'm going to use this idea though, it is indeed cool.



And you didn't even mention Troll. The second one was good but the first one was just so stupid..
As for Chud, it will always be a classic, along with its sequel