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We've gone on holiday by mistake
Had to share this gem. New levels of Degeneracy reached by this guy.

Had been in Iraq for about a yr, this is mid to late 2004 on a ****ty forward operating base aka no girls, nothing to do. I had been playing holdem since '99 so hadthe bright idea that since these jagoffs all had at least 20 or 30k in the bank id donk em off all of it in our downtime. I order chips and cards and put out the word that we are gonna start playing holdem, cash only. There were atms on the main airbase about 20 min from us and whenever a squad would have to go there all the boys would throw their ATM cards and pin numbers and max withdrawal w whoever was going. Needless to say, by the time i got the chips we had a helluva lotta cash. Now i was a sgt, the other guy that knew how to play was one rank above me. The rest were just clowns that had some idea how to play but sucked. Long story short, im up about 4k. Ive gotta take a helluva **** but the actions juicy and i cant pull myself away. finally im on the button and announce that after this im running to the latrines to drop duece.

Naturally i pick up a hand. Dont remember what. Me and the guy who outrank me get it all in preflop. Theres like 7k in the pot but im gonna burst. My turdcutter is literally winking in anticipation of letting this massive **** fly.i say " i gotta go, tell me what happens". The villain aka guy outranking me, says if i leave the hand is mucked. Im like ****. Goes down to river. i flip. He wont turn his cards over hes just giggling watching me quiver. Im thinking i won and he is being a dick. The dude turns his hand. He had called my 4k shove w pocket 2's. Flopped trips. Rivered quads. Spent what must have been 3 minutes slow rolling me.

I screamed **** in a voice i cant explain, opened the door and literally ran for my life to latrines, which was about 200 meters away through deep ass pebbles, get to the toilet, dance in place unbuckling my pants, SLAM toilet seat up, turn around and am lowering my buns to the rim of the toilet w turds already SPILLING out of my ass. Imagine my surprise when i realize i threw the lid to the toilet up too hard in my frantic state and that it had immediately fallen back closed whilst i was turning around. The shock of having lost 4k in cold hard cash (on a soldiers pay) and now being steeped in my own turds was... Surreal. I can still remember the feeling of those piping hot turds being squeezed beneath my ass and it makes me gag.

Anyway. I ****ing clean myself and get back to the game. Even though i only bought in for about 200 bucks i still considered that 3-4k lost mine. I just CANT get this guy in a pot w me and we r **** talking like crazy. no one knows about the latrine saga btw. Somehow we r talking about getting mortared and rocket attacked at random on the base. I tell him ill give him 2:1 that we get mortared or rocketed TODAY. Hes like pfft. Ill give YOU 2:1 we DONT. We have a third guy thats his rank hold my 2k and his 4k. The deal is that the bets over at midnight. This was at about 7. Im living in a connex which is basically a shipping crate PRAYING we get rocketed. It gets to be about 11 and im dying inside at this stupid bet, how i could lose 4k to DONKS and then ride 2k that we get hit by the ****ing rocket man. LIGHTBULB!!! I have a 40mm grenade launcher on my M4. Ill zip one of those ****s into the field in the middle of the base and presto change-o ill be up. But then i think ahhhh theyll hear the discharge or ill kill some bonehead i didnt see, whatever. So then i think HEY we have these burn pits where we burn all the trash etc. They are always ablaze. Ill throw a 40mm grenade in there, haul ass and be back by our quarters by the time it burns enough to blow.

I go to the pit. Look around. Toss TWO 40 mm grenades in and run back to connex. Im in my cot, thinking anytime now. Its been twenty minutes. ****. I have a couple of m67 grenades, real deal frags, that i stole from the ammo dump where we take siezed weapons. There was a whole crate and i think i snagged 4.

So now im ****ing nerve wracked. I know if i toss the m67 frags in the burnpit ive got 5 seconds to get my fatass outta there or either be ****ed up or have my squad leader be super suspicious that i did it. Im like **** man what to do. I go by the pit. No ones around i pullout a frag. I think about it and am like frags arent THAT loud. Why go through this and no one hears. I pull out a second one. I pull both pins. I flip both thumb safeties off, and at the last second hesitate realizing i cant let the spoons pop off and be recovered or the gigs up. One last look to be sure no one sees and i threw those ****s straight in the fire.

Now many times in my life have i done ****ed up ****. Many times have i been trying to run from something or someone and been laughing so hard i could barely put one foot in front of the other. This was NOT one of those times. Those two frags and those two 40Mm grenades on that quiet night...*******. I was about to stop running so i wouldnt be suspicious but people started pouring out hauling ass for the bunkers so i just went with. The sgt i was in the bet with apparently saw me coming from that area and actually asked me if it was by me. I was like "hell yeah so ****ing close". He paused for a second, i was sweating balls, and he says" mother****er thats what u GET for betting we take incoming, i dont care. Was your money anyway".

Swore i wouldnt play like games like that again. Not two weeks later we have 200 dollars a piece on who can shoot a 40mm grenade closest to themselves, while making it explode AND not getting hurt. They take like 14 meters to activate. The very first moron shot it CLOSE and caught an amazingly large piece of shrapnel in his own leg. Was sooo good. That game ended quickly. No monies were exchanged.
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We've gone on holiday by mistake
Another

one time i was sitting in my house on my own i had just split up with my gf who was a crack head but she was nice.. the room was dark i was surrounded by bottles of piss half eaten sandwiches i even had a crust behind my ear i was quite sad because i was busto and heartbroken i thought maybe we would make it work and she would be my main squeese anyway she left me for a crack dealer..so at this point im feelin like ten dewey heart aching empty busto feeling and linger tilt from stacking off with a flush draw because some crotch monkey over bets the pot and i run into the swinging blade and throw up 2 clanging bricks and I just punch my ****in monitor almost put my fist through it and then i kicked my coffee table but not like a regular person no no no..i have to hit it as hard as I can with my ****ing shin!!!! wtff was i thinking im not van damme or some **** that hurt so bad i collapsed in agony and started crying i just laid there whimpering in agony sobbing and eventually the pain eased off but i had blood running all the way down my leg..i just laid there on the carpet for 2 hours staring into space i even knocked one out while laying in the recovery position i felt so lazy like a lazy slob and i smelt so rank like chinese food in a dumpster for days..i eventually get up im wearing stripey boxers and half of them is up my ass ive got my ass cheek showing but i dont care i sit at my pc and watch some 200/400 on betfair wishing i was in the game..i kept sitting at a table hoping i would have cash in my account i actually prayed to mary magdagascar..i check my emails and boooom titan poker have put free money in my damn account!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooooooooooooo..it felt like a blessing. Its like 5 dollars..so I go straight to max but in 5c/10c or some BS where u get nit on nits and I run that **** up to 20 in no time, then I but in at 25/50 and I hit a big overset and and I make some decent bluffs I get my stack to 145..at this point im thinking ok just play this mother****ing cool dont be a degen waste of lung capacity but i say *** it i will take a shot at 2/4...

so I pick the easiest table luckily for me they are all easy and first hand I shove with the doyle brunson just for good luck everyone folds secnd hand i get AA..I shove I get 2 callers an Iwin and im oer 400 i say**** this and i goto 5/10 witha short stack what else am i suppose to do..i run this upto 3k pretty easily and step up to 10/20 and in 3 hours I have 13k..then it happened..I GET KING ****ING KING and some guy called han solo (TILTED) raises me to 30 dollars I re raise to 180 He raises to 550 I call planning to shove any flop flop comes AAA ..he says to me in chat I HAVE IT and bets the pot im like wtf ..thats areverse reversal bluff damn *** he must have it **** i cant fold i felt my heart speed up kind of like a panic attack how can i fold this my dad is in my ear saying DONT CALL he has the 4 of a kind im like no dad let me play my own damn hands why cant you go and play poker with otis redding always ****** interfering ..and i start arguing with him cant believe i have gone from 5 dollars to over a 20k pot in just hours..I call and he flips over QQ..I FIST PUMP LIKE IM OHN MACKENROE SHOUTING NOW WHAT NOW WHAT DAD HE DIDNT SAY **** TURN QUEEN RIVER QUEEENNNNNNNNNNN>>OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I MWAS SO ****IN MAD I STARTED SPITTINGup BLOOD FOAMING UP ...PUNCHED MY SELF in teh side of the head AND STARTED SHOUTING AT MY DAD INSIDE MY HEAD IM LIKE **** OFF LEAVE ME ALONE GET OUT OF My HEAD.. OMGG IM BUSTO AGAIN I FEEL LIKE A WORM WHO HAS HAS BIN SHOVELLED WHEN THE GROUND IS COLD OR MABE STUCK HIS HEAD IN A TURD..I FELT LIKE SUCH A ****INg DEGEN I COULD HAVE PLAYED 5/10 with 13k so easily and made decent rake and maybe found me some new pussy easily when i tell em im back to being a pro...first i burnt my hand on the stove on purpose omggg i was so wasted i went out in the backyard stark naked i started climbing the trees and just trying to get back to nature and forget the damn poker..loking back id lost my damn mind that pot had eloctrocuted my noodle..it started to rain and i looked so pathetic i couldnt even get a crack whore to stay with me and I had a big hemmaroid and my white pastey body stood out under the grey sky i must have looked like a sagging bag of milk...

..all i wanted to do was grind for 18 hours a day and fester in my own filth and live the life of a poker pro grind on the mind till i die make my tomb a house of cards.. i wanted to give up so bad.. now i was busto and i couldnt see a break in the clouds or any hope the next day when i woke up i had to masturbate just so i could get out of bed i browsed 2+2 and went back to bed for 3 days..I didnt even get up to go peepee i just pissed the bed because i was busto and nothing else mattered..i kept reminded myself that atleast i nwasnt the fat sloth puppet in that movie seven where he gets locked in a bat cave and is made to eat spaghetti till his guts spill open..but this didnt make me feel any better..
whats urine and the smell of a cheesy ritz cracker ass crack when you lost a 26k pot? i didnt give a **** about pissing on myself by that point..i could of had a milllion dingelberries attatched to my ass i wouldnt have cared...i was so upset the lowest point for so long even lower than when i talked myself out of a guy giving me a BJ for $100 I just couldnt do it..i felt lower than when my mom force fed me flowers..I almost killed myself on day 2 when metallica came on the radio..i dont know how I ever made it out alive..i always swear to this day it was just the hope of being back in action someday..it lifted me out of the bottomless pit and gave me reason to live and breathe..never quit guys..not even when they are dragging your face through the ****..there is always someone worse off than you..like a guy with a glass eye with a fish in it....keep grind on the mind



I wonder if we'd be able to start an online game with some MoFos, with a small buying. i'm not sure if any sites host private tables especially internationally
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Yeah, there's no body mutilation in it



Sorry if I'm rude but I'm right
I don't even know the rules...
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Look, I'm not judging you - after all, I'm posting here myself, but maybe, just maybe, if you spent less time here and more time watching films, maybe, and I stress, maybe your taste would be of some value. Just a thought, ya know.



We've gone on holiday by mistake
Just been to Vegas for 5 days and put in a solid shift of low limit $1-2, and $1-3. Played in the Aria, Bellagio, Caesars Palace and my own hotel Excaliber twice.

Won money every day +$100 first 2 says, then +$300 next 2 and last day was +$400 for a nice $1200 week.

Last day I turned $500 into $1240 and took a nice pic of my huge stack (now my Facebook cover). However lost a pot after that and only cashed 900.

Lost about $400 gambling in casino and spent about $800 so came home with around what I took.

Games were quite soft really, I reckon if you are competent you could do OK over there.

Expensive place though.



Sounds like fun, although I'm surprised they spread games with those small stakes. In a lot of places they don't even bother with limit games. They'll only play no limit.

I like Omaha hi/lo split, but it's always holdem, holdem, holdem...

~Doc



We've gone on holiday by mistake
Sorry I was playing NL, I meant low limit as in lower stakes.



I was in Vegas in June, 2nd visit, I prefer the Venetian or the Mirage myself. Met some really funny guys, I'd rather have a good time than win, some nights I managed to get both
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can i have one of those buttons?



We've gone on holiday by mistake
I was in Vegas in June, 2nd visit, I prefer the Venetian or the Mirage myself. Met some really funny guys, I'd rather have a good time than win, some nights I managed to get both
I wanted to do the Venetian on the Thursday but it was heavy rain and I was soaked so settled on Caesars.

Streets were flooded, they had to move a poker table due to leaking roof



Play... NO.


Watch... ABSOLUTELY NO!


Dont know how to play to be honest, but whatever it is, seems like a waste of time, wearing sunglasses inside a well lit room.



Bridge for me! Yummmmmmmmmmm.
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We host a poker game once a month or so at my house. Mostly for fun with a $10 or $20 buy in and tourney style - usually no limit hold em.

I get to Biloxi 3 or 4 times a year and will play in tourneys there but nothing ever high stake. I have won a few and cash out about 50% of the time. Most everyone there plays the same, they like to go all in early with a singleton Ace and any other card. It usually winds down to the same 10 to 15 players I see there every time I go.

I like the game, but the social aspect is what draws me in.

I also like to play Craps a lot, I only win about a 3rd of the time and break even about a 3rd - but when I do win its usually a good amount of $$, for me anyway. My wife loves slots and does fairly well at it, and of course the comp points, free rooms and buffets - at the end of the year it is usually a wash money wise, but I am cool with that because its like a paid vacation.


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“The gladdest moment in human life, methinks, is a departure into unknown lands.” – Sir Richard Burton



We host a poker game once a month or so at my house. Mostly for fun with a $10 or $20 buy in and tourney style - usually no limit hold em.

I get to Biloxi 3 or 4 times a year and will play in tourneys there but nothing ever high stake. I have won a few and cash out about 50% of the time. Most everyone there plays the same, they like to go all in early with a singleton Ace and any other card. It usually winds down to the same 10 to 15 players I see there every time I go.

...
That's just down the road from me (Gulfport). Where do you go-- the Beau?

~Doc



That's just down the road from me (Gulfport). Where do you go-- the Beau?

~Doc
We have been to all of them. Been hanging around Scarlet Pearl last few times. Free rooms and the poker room, although I think the poker room is closed now, at least the tourneys they had. Only high stakes I think.



We have been to all of them. Been hanging around Scarlet Pearl last few times. Free rooms and the poker room, although I think the poker room is closed now, at least the tourneys they had. Only high stakes I think.
Funny, Scarlet Pearl is the only casino I've not been in on the coast. I hear it's very nice, though. And they treat their employees great: good pay, good bennies.

I don't guess that any of the poker rooms do that well here on the coast. Everyone likes to throw their money away in the slots.. And once the State lottery gets in, it'll probably take a lot away from the casinos. I don't know how the sports books are doing. Probably pretty well.