A scary thing happened on the way to the Movie Forums - Horrorcrammers

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This is a guy who, if we're being honest, thinks Skinamarink's biggest crime was it left him alone for stretches of time with his own thoughts. And he's angry at the film for how bored and unpleasant a sensation that was for him.
LOL

The guy says two important things in the first four minutes of the review:
1. "I've seen lots of praise for this film"
2. "I don't get it"

But instead of trying to analyze the praise in an effort to determine what he's missing, he instead chose to spend half an hour telling us what a "piece of shit" the film is. And yes, I actually watched a bunch more of the video just so I wasn't putting words in the guy's mouth, and yeah, he said everything you'd think he'd say. My favorite might've been "I could've edited this movie", which is a thing all serious critics say. Screw this guy and his whiny voice.
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My Collection



I was teetering between how I felt about TO but decided that my support what it was attempting was at least enough to say that I “liked it,” thus, 3 stars. A24 has some 17 year old making one of these so if it’s not a movement yet, it sure seems like one is on the horizon.
TO crossed a line of incomprehensibility where I just couldn't really engage with any of it, until the end which is the most conventionally-shot part of the film. Which is very normie of me.
And to be clear I'm talking about the images being incomprehensible, not the plot. I couldn't give two figs about a plot as long as you're giving me cool stuff to look at. Skinamarink delivered in that department, but TO did not (until the end). But yeah, I'm with you on the intent behind this stuff. I'm all for it.



The Outwaters (C-)

A film about a group of folks going to the desert to do what I presume to be camping. When they arrive, odd noises in the sky are only the prelude to a whole bunch of stuff about to happen to them.

So first off, this is a loooong movie, at 110 minutes or so. It's a bit like Skinamarink, in that it shows you almost nothing that actually happens, but this one gives you quite a bit to latch on to first, introducing the characters and all.

Once the stuff happens, you see almost nothing, because the guy brought a flashlight from 1980 that only shines a tiny circle. Now, that's not too bad. The movie has one long, disturbing scene near the middle that is absolutely its apex. The first problem is that the cameraman is not super well directed, and you can see in one scene, with the very obvious circle from the flashlight, that main guy is just shaking the flashlight up and down so you can't figure out what happens. He was just standing there, why did the flashlight have to shake like that? The camera didn't shake like that, which is why you could see everything.

The other issue has to do with the content of what you actually see, which is blood. Lots of blood, everywhere, all the time. Way too much blood to not seem stupid, and it only gets worse as it goes along. There's also some tentacle stuff that looks cheap and adds nothing, along with a lot of panicked moaning that, at first, are intense, but then become tiring, and in the end all the gore stuff becomes almost comical, right up to the very last frame.

The good stuff was good, if you're into the less eventful kind of movie. This one draws you in nicely in the first half. The idea to reveal more and more as it goes along simply did not pay off here. It's a shame, especially because the gist of what's happening is pretty obvious relatively early on too.

I gave a lower rating to Skinamarink, but after seeing both, I would recommend that one over Outwaters



The Video Dead -


A cursed TV in a house's basement turns its neighborhood into a hive of zombies in this messy, rough around the edges but still fun and scary horror flick. Like Zoltar in Big, the TV operates whether it's plugged in or not, and like the One Ring, it cannot be easily destroyed. This makes life difficult for the house's new residents and teenage siblings Jeff and Zoe, who soon find themselves hosting a bunch of uninvited guests. A mysterious Texan who somehow knows all about the TV becomes another guest, but is he too late?

I've seen my fair share of zombies, and the ones in this movie are particularly disgusting-looking and indicate where most of the money in the movie’s obviously low budget went. They're pretty funny too, especially the one who gets around just fine despite having a household appliance lodged in his head. The comic relief is top-notch in general, especially Jeff and the Texan's banter during the bloody climactic showdown. Speaking of Jeff, he's a likeable protagonist who is clearly modeled after the movie's target audience. The TV MacGuffin is clever, but one reason I describe the movie as messy is because the rules behind it are ill-defined. I'm all for mystery and leaving some things up to the audience, but it's as if the writer made up its rules as he went along. Also, despite some surprises here and there, the movie is mostly content to rely on genre clichés. It still proves that everything that’s in and will likely forever be in the Prime Video catalog is not the movie equivalent of the candy at the bottom of the Halloween bowl. Oh, and look closely and you'll notice a zombie who resembles a legendary rock star.



Mother Joan of the Angels (1961) - 1960's Polish, arthouse, nun, psycho-drama, historical horror movie that will evoke memories of The Devils and The Exorcist while watching it - though maybe not quite as good as either, but also stylistically a different movie with different aims. Strong recommend (currently on Mubi).



Missing, 2023 (B-)

Decent thriller about a daughter looking for her disappeared mother online. A bit twisty for my taste, and the montages were eh.

I Bury The Living, 1958 (B+)

A man believes he has the power of life and death over the people of his town when he replaces the pins signifying reserved spot on his graveyard map with pins signifying buried, and the person finds themselves (itself?) dead.

A good movie with a great ending and a lot of style. Definitely recommend this one.

The Slime People, 1963 (C-)

Creature feature about some odd, slimy humanoid monsters apparently taking over San Francisco. None of that is seen, because this is a very cheap movie, but that's the statement. Definitely doesn't feel as large-scale as other large scale movies of the genre like Them! of Beginning of the End. Lots of people talking, as expected, and more sightings of the creature(s) than most. Still a rather dull movie, and visually unremarkable because everything is covered in fog. Easy skip.



I have not. I was disappointed with his take on Colour, so I'm not sad if someone else is taking over.
I watched it again. I like it, but I have issues with it that prevent me from loving it. My review is below.



Color Out of Space (2019) -


This is a pretty good H.P. Lovecraft adaptation that is likely to satisfy even his most impassioned fans. If you don't already know the story, it occurs on a remote farm that is home to parents Nathan and Teresa and their three children: witch-in-training Lavinia, pothead Benny and the young, daydreaming Jack. Teresa has cancer, which makes daily life expectedly more difficult for them than usual. It gets even more difficulty when a meteor lands at their doorstep, the contents of which are outside theirs and pretty much the rest of humanity's understanding. Besides the media, the event attracts the attention of curious hydrologist Ward, mystical hermit Ezra and the small town's mayor, who much to the family's chagrin is a bit too interested in their property.

Threats don't get much more existential than this movie's, which emits lights that is magenta - which apparently is not in the visible light spectrum - and like a certain aforementioned condition has drastic effects on everything from the fauna to WiFi to even time itself. The movie expertly and gradually depicts the inverse relationship between the meteor wreaking havoc and the family retaining its sanity and in varied ways. Most interesting is Lavinia's increased reliance on witchcraft, which makes sense since her interests match writer/director Richard Stanley's, and breadwinner Teresa, whose financial advice makes less and less sense. The production design and special effects also help for how they transition Nathan and Teresa's land from Thomas Kinkade to...well, Thomas Kinkade on acid.

What holds me back from loving this movie instead of just liking it is that I felt curiously distanced from it. For one, I couldn't walk in any of the family members' shoes since none of them become more interesting than how I describe them. While Ward is a welcome voice of reason, he is underutilized. As for Cage's dad, history isn't exactly on the actor's side. I never bought him in "normal mode;" after all, in nine out of ten of his movies, he also goes from normal to crazy. There's also the cinematography, which seems to favor the scenery over the actors. It is for these reasons that I don't think the movie reaches "great" territory, but it's still strong for how memorable it is, how it looks and feels, and most importantly, it scared me. In other words, it doesn't share Stuart Gordon's mastery with Lovecraft, but it comes pretty darn close.



I watched it again. I like it, but I have issues with it that prevent me from loving it. My review is below.
Like I said before, I think my biggest problem was that as a fan of the HPL story I was bringing my expectations to the movie and when those weren't met I was disappointed. My favorite thing about the story is the overwhelming sense of decay and disease that Lovecraft gets across, and I felt that the movie sort of skimped on that in favor of crazy gore effects. But it's not Stanley's job to make the movie I wanted to see. I also concede that my version of the film would've probably been boring as hell, but that's how I roll.

If I ever watch it again I won't be bringing that baggage with me, so maybe I'll enjoy it more a second time.



Like I said before, I think my biggest problem was that as a fan of the HPL story I was bringing my expectations to the movie and when those weren't met I was disappointed. My favorite thing about the story is the overwhelming sense of decay and disease that Lovecraft gets across, and I felt that the movie sort of skimped on that in favor of crazy gore effects. But it's not Stanley's job to make the movie I wanted to see. I also concede that my version of the film would've probably been boring as hell, but that's how I roll.

If I ever watch it again I won't be bringing that baggage with me, so maybe I'll enjoy it more a second time.
I feel like I'm in the same boat, The Color out of Space is my favorite Lovecraft story and I feel like the "look everyone is crazy" occurs to quickly and takes a bigger role than the the elements that should have driven them to that. Cage in particular feels like he goes full crazy way to soon. There are a couple shots at the end that really capture the unease and weirdness I was hoping for more of. I guess I always like the unease that Lovecraft was trying to create with his stories more than the grotesqueries that have become more the highlight in modern Lovecraftian media.

I also should probably give it another watch at some point and see if I can take it on it's own merits or if my preferences here are to much to overcome.



Scream, 2022 (D-)

Very weak script. Everything was done better in the previous movies (at least the first two, didn't see 3 and 4.)

The film's approach to the meta elements of the, again, first two, reminded me of Friedberg and Seltzer's approach to comedy, Just putting references and making that the whole thing instead of making it part of a greater whole. Unlike the two originals, this movie seems like a reference to nothing. Are we still complaining about slasher tropes in 2022? It gets nauseatingly self-aware as it goes on as well, but without anything structurally original to bring it together. And it has such vibe of you-can't-complain-if-we-mention-what-we're-doing-first. Can't stand it.



A system of cells interlinked
Color Out of Space (2019) -


This is a pretty good H.P. Lovecraft adaptation that is likely to satisfy even his most impassioned fans. ...
Let's not forget...

(minor spoilers ahead)

...the absolutely horrifying and I guess I need to go to therapy to get over this scene business with the the mother and son at about the 2/3 mark of the film. It's the kind of scene that had me thinking "Dude, turn this shit off now before more damage is done to your mind," but it was too late and I kept watching anyway.

I have a couple of friends I recommended this to and every time I see them they say "Dude...wtf...I still can't stop thinking about that ****ed up movie you told me to watch. That part with the Mom and her kid??? Don't recommend shit like that to me ever again!"

To which I reply "You should check out this French flick called Martyrs...
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“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.” ― Thomas Sowell



Let's not forget...

(minor spoilers ahead)

...the absolutely horrifying and I guess I need to go to therapy to get over this scene business with the the mother and son at about the 2/3 mark of the film. It's the kind of scene that had me thinking "Dude, turn this shit off now before more damage is done to your mind," but it was too late and I kept watching anyway.

I have a couple of friends I recommended this to and every time I see them they say "Dude...wtf...I still can't stop thinking about that ****ed up movie you told me to watch. That part with the Mom and her kid??? Don't recommend shit like that to me ever again!"

To which I reply "You should check out this French flick called Martyrs...
I first saw this in early '20 while childless. I'm surprised I didn't remember that moment at all. Now that I have a son, it hit a little harder and my reaction is similar to yours, as you can imagine! It's probably for the best that my wife, who doesn't love body horror, didn't watch it with me.

If Martyrs has similar moments...I think I'll be putting it off for a while.



A system of cells interlinked
I first saw this in early '20 while childless. I'm surprised I didn't remember that moment at all. Now that I have a son, it hit a bit harder and my reaction is similar to yours, as you can imagine! It's probably for the best that my wife, who doesn't love body horror, didn't watch it with me.

If Martyrs has similar moments...I think I'll be putting it off for a while.
Yea, our daughter was around two when we first saw it. My wife also dislikes body horror, but was watching the film with me. I have re-watched the film with others since, and my wife runs out of the room when that scene is coming up...

Martyrs
isn't the same type of situation, but is disturbing af in other ways.



The thing I found remarkable about Martyrs was that it positions itself as being the inverse of everything humane, peddling cruelty after cruelty, that it infected me to the point that I found myself most revolted by a scene that is actually the one moment of tenderness in the entire film.


That is probably the high water mark of subversive cinema. John Waters and his dancing ******* will never have anything on that.



Glorious, 2022 (B)

A film about a guy locked in a public bathroom by a Lovecraftian deity hiding in a bathroom stall with a gloryhole in it. Eldritch Horror voiced by J.K. Simmons.

It's fine. It's a comedy, but not insanely funny, but there are interesting horror elements here and there. One scene in particular is terribly gruesome for being in a comedy.



The Thing From Another World, 1951 (B+)

I like it more than last time, but still not in love with it. It's much more energetic than the average 50's sci-fi, but maybe too much. Everyone is so snappy and speaking as if it was just one person speaking through the cast. Chaining replies in an unnaturally smooth way. But hey, at least it's something. Still disappointed in the monster.



The Screaming Skull, 1958 (C)

An incredible opener telling you the movie is so frightening that it might kill you, followed by a rather lame story of a woman screaming at a teleporting skull, with peacocks, for some reason. The skull itself only does a little bit of the screaming.