Absolutely WORST directors ever.

*adds Barry Mahon to watch list*

Thinking about it, I don't think I've actually ever seen a Uwe Boll movie.


*add Uwe Boll to watchlist too*

Just found a mega load of Boll films on Amazon Prime.


Locked and loaded.

Barry Mahon classics I've seen. The last four have got to be the best/worst.
Pagan Island
The Naked Zoo Tubi
Santa and the Three Bears - Way too legit

The Wonderful Land of Oz

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

Rocket Attack U.S.A.

Jack and the Beanstalk

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It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
My IMDb page

Btw, for anyone who likes the musician Meat Loaf (I love his music), his scene in Bloodrayne is the most Meat Loaf thing I've ever seen.

Oh, friend.

Friend.

No.

I live dangerously.

I'm twenty minutes into Alone in the Dark, and it is already clear I am not going to enjoy any of this.


But the dye is cast. I must do this. I can't possibly look myself in the mirror anymore if I haven't watched at least one Uwe Boll movie.


I have no agency. I am helpless. It's a sad state of affairs. Maybe in my next life I will prioritize my time better.

I want to die.

You must feel so alone . . . in . . . the dark.

More like annoyed in the dark

Yeah, I've never seen an Uwe Boll film either, but I don't see that changing anytime soon

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I have never watched a movie more defiant of me even engaging with it. It's like, every time I look at it, my eyes immediately drift away. And it seems like it wants it to be this way.



There is a lot of talk about how Uwe Boll is one of the worst directors ever. This brings with it expectations of something notable being there. Something so undefinably bad, you take note. But this doesn't happen. Ever. Even when things happen, nothing happens. And as a result it's just like every disposable horror or action movie you've forgotten years ago, but worse and completely emptied of all humanity. Even when everyone is shooting at everyone and everyone is dying, it still some how feels like it is just lying there in front of you taking a nap. It's awful. Without even bothering to be awful in any way that can possibly matter.


This is the rare, almost non-existant instance where I am actually offended by a movies badness. This is inexcusable. **** this movie.

It's cinematic indifference. It's like looking at a shrug. I've only ever seen Far Cry from him, and it's exactly how I felt about it.

Someone made this movie, but they didn't care at all about it, and certainly not enough to have any kind of point of view.

One must experience "Bloodrayne" at least one time in their life. Then you can enter the conversation of ****tiest director ever.

At least I've seen four Emmerich films. I can truely say, I could not stomach watching three more Boll's.

See, what I was saying about intent. About the sympathy that a bad, clumsy movie can elicit when done with genuine enthusiasm and naivety, as opposed to well-funded, dutifully directed but soulless cash-grabs...

Boll takes the worst of both words. A pure scammer, using movies as a tool to make money (through a "The Producers"-like legal loophole) without even showing the slightest interest in the media. The fakest fakery.

I'd have a lot to say about performative scumbags and how society favors "the appearance of doing". But Boll is that sort of performative falsehood incarnate, emptying everything of its meaning, for financial profit.

He's so much trash, in such an irredeemable way, he doesn't even register - he falls off the worst end of the spectrum I evoked earlier.

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Get working on your custom lists, people !

Heeheehee, wait til you get to House of the Dead. It's worse!


I believe watching bad movies gives us true insight as to what's truly horrible. If you stick exclusively with movies considered to be good, you'll compare them to other good movies and likely hate them. But bad movies help us appreciate the ones we used to hate more, as well as giving us further insight into the ones we already liked or loved. That's what helped me to learn to like shoegaze and hip hop.

This Uwe Boll journey will go no further.



No further!

I've seen 21 Boll. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.