Mentally ill MoFos

I saw my pdoc today. He was proud of me. And decided to not switch me to lithium.

__________________

i have anxiety. i've had it all my life, really, but it became unbearable a couple years ago and for the first time i sought out help. i've been seeing a therapist since. usually meditation helps, but when it gets really bad i totally freeze up and have the hardest time performing the simplest of tasks - like brushing my teeth or feeding the cat - without getting nauseous.

my triggers can be anything that makes me nervous, but it's usually related to social stuff, because i'm also painfully socially anxious. yesterday i had my first panic attack in awhile, and it was triggered from getting super anxious about a work-related luncheon i had to go to. even after the luncheon was over (and it seriously wasn't even that bad), the anxiety wouldn't lessen. for normal people, once the icky thing they were dreading is over and done with, so are their butterflies. for people with legit anxiety disorders, not so. i hate how it feels like an infection, like you have to 'get it out of your system' like a cold or flu. blech. >.<

__________________
letterboxd

I show my Joker side with my pdoc. He's pretty cool. Like an older Swedish guy with wardrobe fsilures. It's probably why I can let myself go.

You tell me if I had a mental illness. I stress had. I managed to get myself into such a anxious state when I was engaged to my future wife that I had severe nerves of the stomach. Whenever we went out to dinner I would feel violently ill at the sight of food.

I can tell you this added twofold to my anxiety problem.. in short I was in a living hell. I had a huge decision to make.. call off the marriage or endure my hell as I did not want to lose her. I was so ashamed over my condition I could not tell my fiancee.. this also added to my nervous disposition.

My wedding day was a nitemare/joyous occasion in one. Over time the nerves vanished but my psychosomatica continued. It remained for decades. I could not enjoy my sons coming of age birthday party, my brothers 50th birthday or my own 50th even our wedding anniversaries..

I had severe insomnia on top of everything and was diagnosed with acute Sleep Apnea when I was 45. I did consider seeing a psychiatrist at one stage but shunned it as I was ashamed.. Silly me looking back, I believe I did need professional help to avoid my condition from lasting as long as it did.

This bearing of my soul is not easy as I am rather a private person.

It isn't the best idea to ask non professionals for a diagnosis, but it sounds like an anxiety disorder. Do you still have trouble with anxiety, insomnia and sleep apnea?

My question was more rhetorical. I now have mild apnea and yes I still suffer from insomnia. But I have managed to dispell the anxiety. Thanks for your concern.

Finally had a long conversation with my parents and let them know about my diagnosis and they were so relieved as I couldn't tell them...not until I was ok with it because I was so worried they'd blame themselves,or just freak out. They both cried because I told them in a very gentle "don't worry about me way " and all this time of my isolating myself from them made sense.
It was hard coming out with it for me. I was so sure they're freak out but my tone of voice was calm and I could prove I'm still me.

They forgave me the wait bcause they understood I had to be alright and calm to convey the information.

Again, I'm lucky that went well.

Good to hear Cat!

__________________
Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

Thanks...I really didn't think I was ever going to tell them. I'm quite proud of them for not getting melodramatic.