The Alcohol Induced Tales Thread

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Fez Wizardo's Avatar
Um Bungo! Um Bungo!
I mean, with drugs as well, it's just an induced 'high.' With the degree of artificiality today, I'd like to at least remain in control of my emotions.
Some people would like to loose it and see where they end up

Personally I'm not and never was big into alcohol, taste or effect. Other things always seemed to take my fancy.
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Another high quality post by Fez Wizardo



Originally posted by The Silver Bullet
Only once has alcohol lead my to the point of hallucination, once again, 'twas rocket fuel that done it.

I was sitting on the lawn with a friend and I was convinced that the grass was growing very rapidly before my eyes. I wasn't listening to a word this person was saying, of course: the grass was growing!!


My friend Billy was on acid one night, and decided that he was hungry for cereal, so he got a spoon out of the drawer and was on his way to get a bowl when he made the mistake of actually looking at the spoon.

He spent something like two hours studying it, said it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He almost called his parents at three in the morning just so he could tell them about this spoon. He wanted to take it home and put it in his room.
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Gigolo Joe's Avatar
Whad'you know?
Originally posted by Fez Wizardo


Some people would like to loose it and see where they end up

Personally I'm not and never was big into alcohol, taste or effect. Other things always seemed to take my fancy.
I'm too young anyway. I hate not being in control of my body.

I'd rather wait until I'm of legal age, and can probably handle it a little better.
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Fez Wizardo's Avatar
Um Bungo! Um Bungo!
He spent something like two hours studying it, said it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He almost called his parents at three in the morning just so he could tell them about this spoon. He wanted to take it home and put it in his room.
Ahhahahahaha!

The funniest thing I came across in a long time was a recent drugs survey by a respectable newspaper which said that over 90% of magic mushroom users in the UK were people aged 55+

Makes you think what all them oldies are doing in the park! (especially the ones talking to the squirrels)



Registered User
Originally posted by Mary Loquacious




My friend Billy was on acid one night, and decided that he was hungry for cereal, so he got a spoon out of the drawer and was on his way to get a bowl when he made the mistake of actually looking at the spoon.

He spent something like two hours studying it, said it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He almost called his parents at three in the morning just so he could tell them about this spoon. He wanted to take it home and put it in his room.


Haha! That's worth two laughing faces.

I was walking around with a friend who was on mushrooms and she had a runny nose and wanted to find some toilet paper. Eventually we ran across a huge roll of toilet paper. She was so happy to see it that she collapsed onto her knees and started crying. She spent about half an hour telling me (and the toilet paper) how happy she was to see it, and how finding it was the happiest moment of her life as she hugged and cuddled the roll of toilet paper.
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Oh man, thats tough to top. My friend and I split a bottle of Danzka vodka at a party this weekend and we just started acting like total ********. For the last two hours of the party I kept telling people my cell phone (made circa 1999) was a picture phone and I'd get them together for photos. People are e-mailing me this week asking for the pictures. I'm not really sure what to say.

It was excellent vodka, though.



there's a frog in my snake oil
Wow - this is all most confusing for a brit. People who don't drink??? Underage people who don't drink???? I'm not sure i understand

I still remember my first proper plastering (14 years old. Lo Mary, we are peas in the sodden-pod ). Well, mainly i remember my ****ty paper round the next day, and the feeling of the wind sand-papering my skin from my body on a grey and grimey hill. Never again i said. That lasted long .

It was all coz of red wine to celebrate the end of a play, and boy are those actor types either dumb or generous when it comes to turning kiddies into souses like them. I think i got through about ten glasses. Not sure really.

As for more adult years, i actually toned down at Uni in the second year, coz i could so see the alchoholic path before me (pound a pint - that's just plain dangerous )

Mushrooms are the ones that provide the funniest stuff (acid and the rest are all fine too for carnage, better even if that's what you want, but for beautifully barmy bounciness the natural stems-by-the-**** are the only thing that fit the bill)- but i don't think i'll go into a acid-recollections now. They never end. And with me you can believe that's true I suppose i could settle on the mild if highly foolish act of taking a car out on acid once - and i'm quite sure we were doing the classic "slow down man, slow down" thing, while going about 3 miles an hour. Fortunately we were out in the leafy edges of london and not a car did we see. [Other wise we'd have probably blocked it off in a friendly way, waved at the passengers, decided they were from Peru and were here to rasp their hands on plastic door handles, and then decide they were actually human dragonflies when they started swarming round the car. That'd be about right]

Never did do the destructive thing on alchohol, or any other buzz. Self destructive maybe. Got a a huge neck bruise from falling backwards off a bench once, having spent a sunny spanish afternoon/night: downing 2 bottles of whiskey between 2 and a half people [i won't say it's the most i've ever drunk, but other times have been over 12 hours or so and are harder to quantify ]; sitting in trees philosophising by the river (well, it was a small tree. We took turns), watching an unexplained/unadvertised fireworks display on a roof building; staggering into a huge high level chemistry lab and playing with the dry-ice while surrounded by deadly pathogens behind glass; cycling home with my cricked neck on my bike with a front wheel that occasionally detached from the steering column; and then i think finding the insane liberian in my building had smashed down the solid metal front to our building with his massive coke-dealing mates (forgot his key again obviously). That was an interesting day.

Erm, once caught myself stepping over and ducking under the rays/beams coming out of streetlamps while stonedly making my way home one time. That was just embarrassing (gotta be too-cool-for-school in london y'hear. My street cred was just so gone )

I've got lots more for sure. I'll dig some up if this lump of dilly-dallying wasn't too much of a rump-thumping bore.
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I must become Caligari..!
I have only been, Very drunk once. and i dont remember much, Got Drunk, Fell asleep on the front lawn, Woke up the nexed day in bed with diffrent pants on and a stubby holder anround my arm. Was in bed for the nexed three day's tho.

But my Marajanahu expreciance was even more bizzar.

My and a mate went to a quarry and sat in a huge concreate pipe and got unbelivebly stoned. Being my first time i was so trashed i found it hard to walk so i went over to my other mates house in an attempt to borrow his bike. Well he wasnt home so asked his perants if i could borrow his bike........ But thats not what came out, was actualy asking if i could borrow his bag. they were asking why i wanted to borrow his bag and i was telling them because i didnt feel like walking. I then went and sat out the frount of a supermarket on a bench for about 3 hours with a bag of lollies and a carton of OJ until it wore off.

I have a very hard time recalling this and have kind of piced the experiance from (Bad) Memory and witness's. I have sworn i will never smoke mull again and havent since (And Wont) (This Happend about 3 years ago)
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It's a god-awful small affair, To the girl with, the mousy hair, But her mummy is yelling "No", and her daddy has told her to go, But her friend is nowhere to be seen, Now she walks through her sunken dream, To the seat with the clearest view, And she's hooked to the silver screen, But the film is a saddening bore, For she's lived it ten times or more...



there's a frog in my snake oil
I then went and sat out the frount of a supermarket on a bench for about 3 hours with a bag of lollies and a carton of OJ until it wore off.
Mmm, OJ is the thing if you want to bring yourself back to the blingbling during a ganja fling - I take it was a stronger variety you were rioting under in this case? (erm, i just got my hands on some again today after a dry spell. Can you tell )



I must become Caligari..!
Originally Posted by Golgot
I take it was a stronger variety you were rioting under in this case?
I have no idea... I wasnt mine



there's a frog in my snake oil
Originally Posted by Hondo333
I have no idea... I wasnt mine
The milder ones are far less likely to send you to hell and back

Erm, beware all, i've just remembered about a wayward drinking incident with two russians from a few months back.

Ok, so imagine a great big fat twinkling-eyed man with a stomach as wide as his home country of Uzbekistan. He's moved around a lot.

My day starts turning beery at around twelve, as everyone at my language school is enjoying a sunny barbeque to celebrate the end of "term". My man-mountain "russian" (i.e. ex USSR) is happily buying me and everyone enough beer to drown an out of shape pig. A champagne bottle freakishly explodes as a teacher-mate is just holding it in his hand, and he goes off to hospital with a nasty gash in his arm.

I get persuaded to toddle off with man-mountain, his insane son, and a pair of japanese women, one of whom is called Mami (man i thought her name was "Mumi" for two days and was trying not to crease everytime i said it ) Russian boy is well into Mami. She likes the fairly full-on "romantic" attention.

We end up at a greek restaurant miles away. Man-mountain likes the area for all its dodgy characters that form the bent-backbone of this outwardly upstanding area (i.e. he loves chatting scams with all the backroom boys of every operation round there). He's got the greek white wine flowing, but just as a taster+pallet-cleanser for the vodka that's now coming out. (He asks for a specific temperature, but that just gets amused smiles from each waiter)

Man i've no idea HOW many we got through. (all i know is that that man was about three times my width. Just being as equally stable as him by the end was medal enough for stupid-embibing )

His son gets increasingly rowdy and fond of Mami (who's now not appreciating it - but is dealing with it more or less). When i tell him to chill out a bit, and stop swearing at the waitress, he talks gleefully of how he's seen a bloke blow himself up while checking if his grenade was working, during duty in Chechnia (or something - could have been manouvers somewhere). I have to talk/face him down, and placate an angry mother-restaurant-owner. Daddy tells me melanchollaly about how Stalin's reign made him leave his homeland. And how his father had a useful twinkle in the eye/way with people - and how he'd always tried to be that way (he said, twinkly eyed, later trying to broach the subject of some id-scam he seemed to want help with. I suspected there'd be something - i was just there coz he was an interesting bloke [and i didn't feel that guilty accepting all the expansive treatment ]). Younger jap toddles off.

We head off to a pub. I'm quite enjoying learning more about my barrel-shaped companion (who has his endearing side, despite his dodginess). More beers and vodkas ensure we baffle the residents of the pool room (mainly coz the fellas played a game that involved sinking the white in obscure ways. I felt glad my student had the ballast upfront to prop himself up as he took his shots He was now thoughly pissed off with his kid too, and fairly liable to take a swipe at him)

Mami finally decides one forceful fondle too much has gone by. I drink a bit more with the nutty boys, have to talk down pissed-off piss-head son again, and totter off with them to get in and out of a taxis (when it's clear they don't know where they're going for more beers - i've decided 11 hours is enough anyway - especially of being in the company of the kid)

I get swept home by the tube....and then very very stupidly smoke a big strong spliff, realise that was very dumb, and throw up copiously (i seem to be keeping a two year gap on average between voming incidents. Is that impressive? )

And the moral is...

Beware of mixing your chemicals (or with belicose Uzbekistanis )



I'm not old, you're just 12.
Drunken adventures:

About a few weeks ago, I was drinking with a few of the guys in my NG unit at a crappy bar on post, just unwinding from a long work day, watching the pats game. This bunch of none too attractive women comes in and wants to dance. We're all tired and just want to watch the game, but one of them is crazy and pretty much insists. nobody goes. one of our guys goes out for a smoke, and the crazy one accosts him, saying that she really wants to dance. She's really scary at this point, and we're all half in the bag, so a couple of the higher ups take one for the team and dance with them. Then the crazy one asks us for five bucks each, or rather DEMANDS it. So I figure it's time to leave, and fast. Coming out of the bar, I step off a curb and sprain my ankle. I got off lucky. One of the guys went home with a girl who turned out to be married, another with a girl who told everyone she was born a man!
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One hot summers night..........at a pool party..........I was eyeing off my next victim......arrrrrrrr I mean some guy...........he was super super cool, smooth and gorgeous............

I don't drink or smoke..............but on this occasion.......for some stupid reason..........I thought it would be cool to knock down the vodkas....and try and impress him..............HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
So after the first few sips...........I walked up to him and started a conversation.............everything was going fine..........so we sat down and started chatting, drinking.......chatting, drinking..........Everything couldn't have been better........UNTIL......he asked me to go for a swim .............So I agreed.......I started to get up............and the whole room started to spin.......I lost control......fell into his arms.....vomited furiously all over him and myself.........it was in my hair on my dress and all over him............

They shoved me into a taxi and sent me home..............BUT.....it did not end there............unfortunately......

The poor taxi driver got a load of verbal abuse from me all the way home..........THEN.........after I abused him.........I apparently invited him in for........ummmmmmmm.....coffee........(those who know me........can imagine what I said)....omggggggggggg.......thankfully he declined .......BUT.......I sat there and demanded an explanation why he didn't want to come inside..!!!!!!!!........the poor guy in the end said ........."the smell was too much for him and he couldn't stomach it".............

hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..........the massive hangover stayed with me for days..............
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I am having a nervous breakdance
I remember one time in high school I went to a party in a town where I had never been before. I got too drunk and decided to use the antenna of a police car as a microphone (they were there to check on the party). I started to sing in it to everyone's amusement (the cops where inside the house) but suddenly I had the antenna in my hand. It came loose from the car. I don't know if the cops were coming but my buddies started shouting to me to run. So I did. I ran about 20 meters and couldn't really navigate, so I headed straight into a ditch - face first. That didn't bother me too much so I went back to the party, danced with some girl and made out with her. After having managed to squeezed her in all the wrong places I fell asleep in the bathroom and was woke up some hours later by a very angry man who told me to get the hell out of there. The party was obviously over. Then I realized that my friend who lived in this town that I had never been to before and who had promised me his couch for the night had left without me. So I set out in this for me unknown territory to look for a red house with the number 26 or 28. And the strangest part is that I found it. It was like a mirage!
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there's a frog in my snake oil
Originally Posted by Piddzilla
So I set out in this for me unknown territory to look for a red house with the number 26 or 28. And the strangest part is that I found it. It was like a mirage!
Heheheh - those impossible missions are always fun when they work out

I remember helping a mate go house-hunting for a new uni, and we realised we'd forgotten to bring a tent or anyway of sleeping anywhere (all money on ganj and petrol as i recall). Fortunately one of the girls remembered the street name of a girl she'd met on a kibutz (sp?). Me and my mate stayed in the car making a spliff while the girls went and knocked on every door A policeman freaked us out by rushing passed our car, on a bike! (and not even a mountainbike- an old school sit-up one - we laughed our cynical london laughs for ages - especially coz we jumped ) The girls found the house, we got a tent, and a slap up feed, and sneaked in and out of a campsite without paying. Another scavvy, slightly disorientated night of synchronicity

Can't really remember other times i've zombie marched to the right place by sheer fluke. But those are necessary bits of luck all right

EDIT: oh yeah, just remembered going to a ska concert on the edges of Granada in spain (and missing most of desmond dekker dammit). An old hole into the gardens of the Alhambra was closed off, so we couldn't sleep there as planned. We tried some benches, but it was colder than we thought up the mountain side. So we ended up kipping on some very plush, gold-threaded sofas in a flash hotel. I kept waking up to cast an eye on the on-television, to try and convince the slightly perturbed staff that we were in fact paying guests who felt like staying up and watching tele



aaaah, drinking while traveling always makes for the best stories. I was nearly shot my first night in Scotland after trying to storm Edinburgh Castle. Foolish.

Had more drunken shenanigans this week and part of the weekend as I hopped from one hurricane party to another. I brought along a bottle of Danzka vodka since a) I like it b) I had it and c) the bottle is made of glass rather than aluminum so I didn't worry so much about dropping it. Sipping on grapefruit vodka all night plus whatever was available at the parties -- I was in a great mood! I loved hurricanes that night.



I don't have many alcohol stories. Tons of pot stories, but none of them good. They were only good while me and my friends were high. Looking back on it, I miss my time with drugs. I don't do them anymore, but I look back on all the pot I smoked with very fond memories. Never hurt my life really, laughed a lot, hung out a lot, listened to some great music, and made a lot of great friends.

I still drink on the occasion, but only in a few social situations. I always preferred weed, I don't like being around drunk people.
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Originally Posted by Henry The Kid
I don't like being around drunk people.
That totally killed my buzz.

One of my more recent adventures with alcohol:

At my thesis reading earlier this year--a gala affair wherein all the graduating MFA students read from their theses and drink copious amounts of champagne and/or Miller High Life ("The Champagne of Beers")--the booze was free and free-flowing amongst all the writer people and their families. I drank somewhere in the area of four glasses of champagne before I got up to read, but I wasn't drunk (yet) and so the reading went quite well. I read the funny parts of my novel and everyone laughed and fun was had by all. Although I think my dad got embarrassed when I read the section about the guy jerking off. Sorry, Dad.

However, before we all left to go to the after-party, they made the dire mistake of giving me my own bottle of champagne.

For the next hour or two, I swigged it straight from the bottle. I don't remember the point at which I began calling it "cham-pane-ya," but I do know I said it quite a bit. I wound up wandering around the party in the host's bear slippers, still clad in my fancy dress, clutching my empty bottle o' cham-pane-ya in one hand and a bottle of insert-name-of-beer-here, telling various people that I'd go outside for a cigarette, but "I'm in my bear feet." And then I'd show them the slippers and laugh uproariously. And, eventually, I passed out.

Not one of my finer moments--I even stole the "bear feet" gag, for God's sake--but, damn, it was a good time.



Ah, but where do I begin? For graduation, my mom elected to give me four bottles of Johnnie Walker Black, which she and I knocked back over the course of about three days. Survey of World Religions class + scotch makes for nasty debates. I never much liked scotch, always preferred whiskey of the Irish (or American) persuasion, but it's recently grown on me. It's like a liquid cigar, so so good. On the third day I wound up passing out on my basement floor, in a classy suit I wear for weddings, with a half-finished game of Madden in the background.

I usually don't begin my drinking very early in the day, but two or three glasses of wine with lunch is always a treat. I steer clear of all white wines in all situations however, as the few number of hangovers I hadn't quite nipped in the bud the following morning were the direct result of imbibing that devil's liquid, white zinfandel. The wine-drunk is a depressing drunk, for whatever reason. Every situation I've been involved where wine has been the only alcoholic beverage available, somebody's wound up in tears.

When I'm home on the weekends I always have a beer or three - Guinness is preferred, but if I'm with family it's normally Corona. I prefer darker beers, red beers though. I normally have a few beers when I watch football on Sundays, and when I finish my homework (provided there's no scotch around.) Drinking age here is 21.

Vodka is the ultimate drunk-off-your-ass drink, since it mixes well with just about anything (I prefer red or orange mountain dew) and four straight shots gets you plastered. A good few martinis is a recipe for destruction, but not before you hit on every female in the room and wake up next to two of them the following morning - something everybody should experience at some point. However, beware of vodka shots when partying with extended family unless you live in the Shenandoah Mountains, because you're going to wind up kissing somebody you may not want to kiss.

My mom's a big fan of the white russian, which is one of the most dangerous drinks in my opinion, because it tastes like candy and you don't realize how much Kahlua your system can handle until after you're lying on the floor. Ditto for screwdrivers. Both of those drinks have caused me more physical damage than any other, only because I drank way too many of them in too short a period of time. Captain Morgan's rum is the holy grail of sweet drinks, though - I spent one night lost in the woods on the outskirts of the county, trying to get to the moon with my friend Stephen. Rum is good if you need to finish homework, or do some kind of chore.

Margaritas are in my opinion absolutely despicable, fit only for people who live at the beach. Tequila is an intense drink, but not if you mix it with lime and salt. There's something hideously unattractive about an electric green drink that's not absinthe, and even absinthe has a nicer tone to it. Now absinthe...there's a drink for kings. It's like an opium high, only everything has a green-tinted hazy smear to it. It's so quiet when compared to any other drink, and it's like opium because if you take enough of it you have visions. Unfortunately the supply here is limited, since it's illegal in the states.
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