2017 MoFo Fantasy Football Season

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Let's get some trash talk in here!

@Powdered Water; You're gonna wish you played fantasy squash instead. My team's soul fist will punch your team's heart right in its face and then kick its left ear repeatedly. By which I mean, you will lose our fantasy football match this week, bringing shame upon your family for generations to come and forcing Yahoo! to throw your account out onto the streets, like with all its clothes and everything, so the whole neighborhood can see.

Carson Wentz? Is the brother of the guy from Fall Out Boy?

Austin Seferian-Jenkins? My former TE? Do not make me chuckle. His name clearly indicates he is a child of divorce and lacks the stable home life that is a prerequisite for athletic excellence.

Mike Evans? That's the boringest name I've ever heard, and I literally know a Greg Smith. Who'll probably score more points this week anyway.

Samaje Perine? Until I find out its ethnicity I cannot know which offensive stereotype to invoke. Maybe French? That would be easy. Let's hope it's French.


Don't even try to do this with my team. I don't see how you could possibly find a way to make fun of a man named Gurley, so don't waste your time.



@Yoda You're right, I got nuthin. I'm lucky to be here. I counted my players last night. I only have 4 players from the draft left on my team. I've been workin that wire like @TONGO this season. So, I feel pretty good about this week.

I look forward to your lamenting the irregularities of fantasy football as most of your team under performs at an almost epic level. Maybe more epic than the Titanic, even. Know why? The Titanic sunk genius. And that's what your cute little team with their cute little hats are gonna do. Sink. Sank. Sunk.
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We are both the source of the problem and the solution, yet we do not see ourselves in this light...



@Yoda You're right, I got nuthin. I'm lucky to be here. I counted my players last night. I only have 4 players from the draft left on my team. I've been workin that wire like @TONGO this season. So, I feel pretty good about this week.
Hell of an introduction to some trash talk, there. I like that you went self-deprecating, so the rest of the post would catch me off guard.

I look forward to your lamenting the irregularities of fantasy football as most of your team under performs at an almost epic level.
I can't help it if every time I lose it's just because the other guy got lucky.

[Maybe more epic than the Titanic, even. Know why? The Titanic sunk genius. And that's what your cute little team with their cute little hats are gonna do. Sink. Sank. Sunk.
If a football team is wearing "hats" instead of helmets, we may have our first clue as to why they're underperforming.



Hell of an introduction to some trash talk, there. I like that you went self-deprecating, so the rest of the post would catch me off guard.
It's what I do. I'm big. But I pretend I'm small. You payed your 4 bucks right? You deserve a good show...




I can't help it if every time I lose it's just because the other guy got lucky.
You should tweet that sh*t. That sounds like something our, uh, you know who would say. Voldmort, yeah, that's him.

If a football team is wearing "hats" instead of helmets, we may have our first clue as to why they're underperforming.
You say potato. I say potato. You'll be changing that team name to 11 underpeforming man-boys when I'm done with ya!



Too many Bucs.

Marshawn Lynch, really?! Really?! Beast mode my balls, he should be ashamed of himself. Doug Martin missed 4 games and already has more touches than him.



Yahoo has your guy ranked slightly ahead of ASJ this week. in our matchup Yahoo has your guy as scoring less points than ASJ.

SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE!!!!!!!

I hope all of your player are full of suck today!



Is it just me, or do we just have tons of teams underperforming this year, all across the league, almost every week? I dunno if the league in general is moving towards more balanced rosters with more widely dispersed point/stat totals, but it sure seems like it.



Is it just me, or do we just have tons of teams underperforming this year, all across the league, almost every week? I dunno if the league in general is moving towards more balanced rosters with more widely dispersed point/stat totals, but it sure seems like it.
The Patriot effect. Feels like every team throws 50 times to 5 different targets. I think it makes the games super fun to watch but I am pretty sure I hate fantasy.
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Letterboxd



Julio Jones need to stop getting the ball, he alone is going to kill me if he doesn't stop

edit: at least he cannot score during halftime - I don't think???
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“The gladdest moment in human life, methinks, is a departure into unknown lands.” – Sir Richard Burton



Naturally the team with the least amount of attempts and least amount of rushing has the best runner in football today. I wish somebody would tell who to play every week.


EDIT: That first sentence may not actually be true. But it felt true went I wrote it.



Welp, looks like I'm gonna lose by less than a point, so yeah, that Olsen thing pretty much made the difference.

This is the league's 10th year, and I already think we can declare it the weirdest/craziest. I think this is going to give us four of the top 25 closest matchups in history in just the last month or so.