"Money won is twice as sweet as money earned."

My problem with beards is the mustache part - for some reason I find hair touching my upper lip to be irritating, making me feel like I have perpetually chapped lips. I've tried trimming it above the lip, but then you get that weird "thin" mustache look (and we have to admit that the Sam Elliot style mustache is much cooler looking than the Don Ameche style). If I go no mustache, then I've got the Amish or Abe Lincoln look, which is okay, but my other problem is my hair doesn't grow in spots - so my beard never connects to my sideburns!
Just get scissors.. I don't like when a few hairs are near my mouth.. I go outside and trim.