Fair point. I need to let go of my cynicism a bit. Guilty as charged.
I think it's more that most couples I know in real life who (seem to) have very solid, loving relationships, it's not always super obvious what the deep mechanics are that make them that way. It's just more that the vibe they give off together makes sense.
I assume you mean the Colin Firth version? There’ve been a few, that’s all. I do like them for a rainy day, though for some utterly absurd reason, I found myself preferring the Darcy in the Keira Knightley version.
I was actually thinking of both. I think that it's a scene (where Lizzie arrives all muddy and soaked) that both versions do really well. I find both performances of Darcy to be pretty solid (and, honestly, both full casts).
Anyway, You is just unusual, because typically a film shows us women obsessed with love and men who either have lust after women, or don’t care. But this thing is about a man who cares about nothing in his life except having a girlfriend/relationship/love, it just seemed utterly crazy - which says something about how attitudes still haven’t quite changed.
I think that there are actually quite a few movies about men who say they want love/companionship instead of just sex (right off my head something like
The Collector), often including scenes where the male character is offended/disgusted if the female character offers herself to him sexually.
I would argue that any relationship dynamic in which you are wanting a person to be "yours" without regard to their consent/desires if inherently objectifying.
Someone might say that they want love/affection/respect, but if the primary driver behind that is control of another person, it is abuse.
I think that the pattern you're picking up on maybe has more to do with the fears of the different genders. I think it's true that women fear sexual violence more than they fear an overly persistent boyfriend. And on the flip side, I think that men are more taught to fear the woman who is desperate for commitment/marriage/a baby because she will "trap" you (and then in horror movies this "trapping" often becomes literal, like in
The Loved Ones).