Funny Quotes

"I am Sancho" - Orgazmo

"Learn 'ow ta speak San Franscan; VIGOINA!" - BASEket Ball

"You know what they say about sunrise, don't ya................" - Cannibal! The Musical



"... so what? If your mom had teeth, she wouldn't suck d*ck so well, whats your point?" - Idle Hands

I have heaps more in my head, but for some stupid reason, I have writers block.
I'll post them when I think of them.

"Ill turn this ***** bus around and that will end your precious little feild trip PRETTY DAMN QUICK!"

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Death to Smoochy is my most anticipated movie of 2002.

You meet all sorts here. I met two Swedish birds here last week, mind you I know f**k all about art. But I know what I like!
Funnyman

Dad: "So what are you doing with your life?"
Martin:"errm...professional killer"
Dad: "ah, good for you. It's a growth industry"
Grosse Point Blank

"Gimme some sugar, baby"
Army of Darkness

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Mostly Harmless! - Logan & Glitz's Movie & Cult Pages. http://www.loganandglitz.com

- Woody Allen

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I am Jack's smirking revenge.

"What, um, are we looking at here?"
-- There's Something About Mary

"Try and blend in"
"What are you talkin about, I'm two feet taller than everybody in here"
-- Rush Hour 2

"Listen buddy, you're the leader of two things right now, Jack and Sh*t, and Jack just left town"
-- Army of Darkness

"I've been listening to my gut since I was 15, and I've come to the conclusion that my gut has sh*t for brains"
-- High Fidelity

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"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work." - Mitch Hedberg

"Dr. Murray! I don't know you very well, but I get the feeling that you are a tired, incompetent bag of ***** who has found a place to hide. You over-medicate these men, and you turn your back on their torture. If I am wrong, I deeply apologize." - Cuba Gooding Jr., in Instinct

"This was supposed to be my weekend off, but no. You got me out here dragging your heavy a$$ through the desert, with your dreadlocks sticking out the back of my parachute. You got to come down here with an attitude, acting all big and bad. And, what the Hell is that smell?!" - Will Smith, in Independence Day

"Tell Victor that Ramon -- the fella he met about a week ago? -- tell him that Ramon went to the clinic today, and I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man." - Eddie Murphy, in Beverly Hills Cop

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One of the biggest myths told is that being intelligent is the absence of the ability to do stupid things.

i've got you now Hung, prepare to meet nunad man

Rondny get your furry arse back into the cage

- Dr Dolittle

-little nicky

You mean "Neutered Man." I frickin' love Orgazmo.

Choda Boy watches Joe, the Mormon porn star, shoot Maxxx Orbison again and again with the Orgazmo-rator. "Stop, man. You'll kill him."
Joe considers this for a moment, then raises the Orgazmo-rator and says, "One more for the Lord."

So many great scenes in that movie, so many quotes... but now for other movies...

Rushmore:

"Actually, these are O-R scrubs."
"Oh, are they?"

"For some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it."

Blazing Saddles:

"Whut in the wide, wide world of sports is goin' on here?"

Jim: "Lookie what I got here, boys!" (pushes Bart in front of the KKK guys)
Bart: "Hey, where're all the white women at?"

Princess Bride:

"So it's to be torture. I can cope with torture."

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

There's about two hundred more bouncing around in my head right now. Whew. Cool thread!

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You were a demon and a lawyer? Wow. Insert joke here."

"I once knew a girl in school called Pandora.....never got to see her box though."
-spike from Notting Hill

Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

PEASANT: "She turned me into a newt.....well I got better"

Here's another good one:
FATHER: "Listen, lad. I've built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. The king said I was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. An' that's what your gonna get, lad -- the strongest castle in these islands."

And a third:
MINSTREL (singing): "Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, o Brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin! He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and his heart cut out, And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged, And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off, And his penis... "
ROBIN: "That's -- that's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads. Looks like there's dirty work afoot."

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Ride Johnny ride

Shooter McGavin: "Listen kid. I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast."

Adam Sandler: " You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast?"




"Hey, Evelyn, can I ask you a question? You got a moment? Which team do you play for? Well, I was just wondering cause I couldn't figure out why, you would throw the ball home when we've got a 2 run lead, you let the tying run get on second, and we lost the lead because of you! New you start using your head! That's that lump 3 feet above you ass! Are you crying? Are you crying? You crying? There's no crying! There's no crying in baseball! Roger Hornsbee was my manager and he called me a walking pile of pig ****, and that's when my parents came up from Michigan to see me play, but did I cry? NO! NO! And you know why? Cause theres no crying in baseball! No crying in baseball! No crying!"-Tom Hanks, "A League of Their Own


"Yeah, it's easy when you play with a bunch of rejects and a fat kid Rodreguiz."
"What'd you say crap face?"

"I said you shouldn't even be allowed to touch a baseball. Besides Rodreguiz you're all an insult to the game."

"Come on, we'll take you on, right here, right now, come on!"

"We play on a real dimond Porter! You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats."

"Watch it jerk!"

"Idiot!"

"Moron!"

"Scab eatter!"

"Butt sniffer!"

"Puss licker!"

"Fart smeller!"

"You eat dog crap for breakfast geek!"

"You mix your wenies with your mamas toe jam!"

"You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!"

"You play ball like a GIRL!"

"What? What did you say?!"

"You heard me."

"Tomorrow, noon, our field, be there buffalo butt breath!"

"Count on it pee drinking crap face!"

"Jerks"---Patrick Renna and leader of opposing team, "The Sandlot"

The Sandlot! I love that movie!

"For-ev-ver!"

"I dunno, some lady gave it to him...some lady named Ruth...Baby Ruth."

Used to be my favorite movie...when I was significantly shorter. I've probably seen it a dozen times. Great flick.

Manhattan Murder Mystery

Carol Lipton: Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives.
Larry Lipton: I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.

Carol Lipton: Larry, I think she's dead!
Larry Lipton: Try giving her the present.

[Hands super a one-dollar tip]
Larry Lipton: What are you making a face for? He's the father of our country.

Broadway Danny Rose

Danny Rose: I don't wanna badmouth the kid, but he's a horrible, dishonest, immoral louse. And I say that with all due respect.

Danny Rose: I need a valium the size of a hockey puck.

Woody and Mia lost in the marshes of New Jersey: Woody: Jesus, suddenly we're in North Vietnam here. I've never seen so many reeds; I feel like Moses. Where the hell are we? Listen, sweetheart, I knew you were trouble as soon as I heard that bit about the ice pick. All my life I've been good, I've always eaten the right foods, and now I'm running around with fortune tellers and meat hooks. [...or something like that...]

you are so right except for one thing, Choda Boy says "stop, he wont want to have another orgazium as long as he lives" and thats when Joe says "one more fore jesus". You were close but a quote isnt a quote if it isnt said exactly. I love the movie i STILL have it on video. They need a sequal and thanx Mary for picking up my poor spelling effort

"Damn, that's a huge bitch!" - Deuce Bigalow

"You can do it!" - Various Sandler/Schneider movies

"Note to self: Making love to blow up doll NOT as good as advertised" - Dirty Work

"Michael Bolton is a no talent ass clown." - Office Space

"What would you do if you had a million dollars?
"I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time." - Office Space

I love crappy comedies!

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Lex Luthor: "I'd question your integrity, but you're a journalist."

Eh, close.

"...until that no-talent assclown got famous and started winning Grammys."

" you'll have to excuse my friend he's a little off. the town is that way"
Jim Carey-Dumb and Dumber

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"Aim high, it costs no more to shoot at eagles then it does to shoot at skunks"