Suspect's Reviews

True, I'm surprised I picked those titles up.

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Suspect's Reviews

X-Men: The Last Stand (Brett Ratner)




"This Is A Perfect Example Of How To Destroy A Franchise"


A so called cure is found in the blood of a young mutant, which divides the world into two sections. Those who want it and those who don't. Magneto and his brotherhood seek to find this boy and capture him, while the X-men must stand together, through hard times and put a stop to Magneto and his evil ways.

Being a fan of the comics, I can say that the first X-men film did an okay job at bringing them to the big screen. The second film took the mutant powers to new levels, with more action and more mutants for us to feast our eyes on. It was a treat seeing so many childhood favourite characters come to life. The Last Stand is the third installment, the makers of the film decide to go heavy on the eye popping action and forget to bring everything else with it. Take a note, X-3 is the perfect example of how to destroy a franchise.

When Singer left the job to go direct Superman, I had my head searching for a director that could take over the job, Joss Whedon was my choice and after seeing Ratner's piece up on the big screen, I have come to think that many others would agree with my choice. The Last Stand has many problems with it, mainly the story line and how close to strays from the source material. Although, with the bad does come good, so the film is not a total travesty.

Some of the nit picks come from a continuation of the first two films, such as introducing Beast and Angel in the third film, when they are in fact original members (along with cyclops, iceman and Jean) of the X-men team. The Last Stand adds too many characters into the film from the comics, giving them only a little bit of screen time. Here's a lesson, when you want to please fans, do not introduce a character and use them for five minutes. Introducing Beast, Kitty Pride/Shadowcat, Leech (horribly done, I'll mention later), Angel, and Juggernaut, cause hell, they weren't juggling enough characters in X-2.

Back to Leech though, what's with the complete an utter disregard of the character? In the comics he is green and lives in the sewers, here he is played by the always creepy looking kid (See Ultraviolet and Godsend). If you need a cure type character, make a new one, do not soil another. Juggernaut is Xavier's stepbrother, yet nothing. Would it be confusing to the plot, possibly, but maybe a nod or something when they pass each other to Grey's house. Don't get me started on how they handled Callisto, they totally changed the character and her powers. Storm would wipe the floor with her, although, yet again Storm as a character is underused, just like the first two films. Even with Berry commanding a bigger role, she is still not used to her full potential. Could it possibly be because of Berry herself not being confident in her role?

Out of all the X-men story lines, the Dark Phoenix is probably the most recognizable. It is vast, emotional, and everything you could ever ask for in a comic book story line. Hmm, now why would you throw that into this movie when you already have another story line. The Dark Phoenix SAGA, did that word mean nothing to you? SAGA, should have a movie of it's own, one in which unites both Magneto and the X-men to take on a greater evil. Her story was completely rushed and used as a second handle to the main plot, of the cure. Granted, to make the story movie friendly, you'll need to change the fact they go into space, but please make it more friendly then what has been fed to us. Some major characters do hit the hay. Is it just me, or has one of the X-men character been getting the shaft over the last two X-men films? Read the comics guys, after Jean's death Cyclops leaves the X-men, not what happens in the film.

I was happy to see some nods for the hardcore fans out there, such as the "fastball special", the danger room and sentinels. The film, as I said before, is not all entirely bad. This review is from the fan boy in me. The Last Stand has a lot of action, which should please those who want to see the mutant powers in full effect. Unless you're a Colossus fan, he is underused yet again. The Juggernaut, after small fight with Logan, does nothing but run through walls. Iceman actually turned to ice, that was neat. Wolverine, doesn't seem like the brutal killer that he is in the comics, here we see him kicking guys in the nuts and saying comical stuff while doing it.

Ultimately, Ratner was the wrong man for the job. While the action was superb and the special effects off the wall, it all doesn't make up for the butchering of the story they've done. The ending has either finished the franchise all together or changed it drastically. If there are more films to come, will there be new villains? A Mr. Sinister perhaps, or how about Apocalypse. Probably not, we're probably going to get a BS story about how the cure is only short time, as what was hinted at by the end. Stupid story aside, and if you're not a die hard fan, Last Stand is...dare I say it....enjoyable.


5.5/10

Thanks for the review. I have never read the comics so I liked the movie more than you, the real story was not something I thought about, I can see how it may have been a disapointment to you

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Superman Returns (Bryan Singer)




"It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's....One Great Movie"

Superman leaves earth to see if there are any remains of his home planet, Krypton. Five years later, Superman returns...but now things are different. Lux Luthor is out of prison, Louis Lane has found a new love and has a child. Is there really a need for Superman anymore?

Bryan Singer is no stranger to comic book films, after all he's directed two of them himself. Singer left the X-men series to try and tackle something bigger, something that would prove to be a challenge for him. In terms of superheros, you can't get any bigger then the Man of Steel himself, Superman.

Many people will say to this day that Christopher Reeves is the one and only Superman. While he was good for the role, Brandon Routh does an exceptional job at resurrecting that character and breathing new life into him. At first some may be hesitant of the newcomer, but he does not disappoint. Not only does he do a great job with Superman, but also excels with Clark Kent. Looking almost identical as Reeves, Routh pulls off both identities of Superman. I guess you can say that the torch has been passed on now. Even though Routh is excellent as Superman, he is not the stand out performance in this film. Before you even see the film, you know who is going to "own" the film and he does. Kevin Spacey is Lex Luthor and he does it so incredibly well. You can't help but smile whenever his shinny bald head, which is a good look for Spacey, comes upon the screen. He plays Luthor with a little bit more evil then Hackman did, with a small humours side. Kate Bosworth plays the role as it is written, and nothing more. Margot Kidder is still the one and only Louis Lane. Bosworth was out of place and they could have found another actress to play her....Rachel McAdams anyone?

The supporting cast, Frank Langella, Sam Huntington, James Marsden (I was waiting for him to shoot laser beams out of his eyes) all do very well in bringing back the vibe of the Daily Planet. Sam Huntington is the comic relief of the film, playing the dopey Jimmy Olsen, the only other comedy, comes from Spacey. Parker Posey was annoying in the film, she really doesn't serve a purpose other then crying on cue. Kal Penn is another character who doesn't do much but stand around.

The special effects are great. With a man like Superman who has superhuman powers, you can have so much fun with it and they clearly do. Being able to see through walls was a neat addition to the film and the super hearing of people in other rooms. Of course, the plane sequence was a feat for the eyes and the final climatic scene. The film makes good use of the technique in which you convert the actor to CGI. Unlike Blade II and The MAtrix Reloaded, in which you can clearly tell the difference, here it's a little less noticeable. Granted it's not perfect, but you do have that "Look how fake that was" look on your face through the film.

The story is very much like something that you can pull right out of the comics. Luthor trying to raise his own continent while the Kryptonite. Throughout the whole film though, the "how am I going to get out of this situation" seems to lack a bit, cause you know that at the last second Superman will come and all he has to do is fly here, stop that, or pull this. There's a little bit of tension with the characters, but you know at the end of the day that they are all going to live, because it IS Superman.

I did get chills with the opening credits, hearing Brando's voice, then the old school Superman theme. It sends chills down the spine, in a good way. Then the names fly across the scene, much like the original. The theme is all over the movie and the score has that "comic book epic" tone to it. Although, after the climax of the film it does go on for awhile, so near the end of the film it does drag a bit. The whole Superman in hospital scene was "what the hell" moment.

Overall this is a great film, with only one or two missteps. Singer does an excellent job at reinventing the Superman franchise, much like Nolan did with Batman. Superman is the best superhero film this year and one of the best all time. It is leaps and bounds over X-Men: The Last Stand. Returns is the summer event of the year and it's action and energy leaps over tall buildings. Pirates will be huge as well and great indeed, but Superman Returns is a film that people have been waiting for for years and it does not disappoint.

8/10

Yes Yes. The opening theme song definitely sends chills down the spine. And of course that baseball diamond incident.

Thanks for the review, even though it has mixed reviews here, I am going to see it this week

SR is definitly worth checking out on the big screen for the SFX extravaganza that it is or better yet go see it at IMAX if u can it will definitly makes an impression

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (Gore Verbinski)






"Great In Doses...But The Film Accomplishes Nothing"

Captain Jack Sparrow owes an unpaid debt to Davy Jones and his underwater sea creatures. The deal was that he would be captain of the black pearl for 13 years, in return for his soul. Time’s up for Jack and he must pay up. Will Turner is set to find Jack and return his compass in order to save Elizabeth and himself from a deadly penalty for aiding and abetting the pirate. Jack strikes another deal with Davy Jones, he must find 100 souls so he may keep his own.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is the much anticipated sequel to POC: Curse of the Black Pearl. With every sequel, one must be able to up the ante. People expect more action, more adventure, more danger, and more love challenged between the characters. At first glance it would seem that Dead Man’s Chest would deliver all of this and more. Unfortunately, it suffers from many things and relies on too much in order to get the audience to go along with the ride. When compared to the original, and you always compare the sequel to the original, Dead Man’s Chest doesn’t match up. The film is good, it was quite good and it will most definitely entertain, but the film doesn’t seem to accomplish all too much.

Dead Man’s Chest and it’s soon to be released sequel At World’s End (what a goofy title) takes a note from the Matrix trilogy. Both movies were filmed at the same time and will most likely start off directly where the other left off. The ending to DMC does in fact set up everything in the third. Much like reloaded though, no matter how good this film is, it won’t be able to touch the original. My main complaint is that the characters accomplish nothing. DMC is a much darker film then Pearl, at the end the characters are basically left with nothing which is suppose to make us want to see the next installment even more to see how they get out of such predicaments, specifically speaking, Jack Sparrow’s current situation. But like I said before, the characters accomplish nothing. At the beginning of the film, Will and Elizabeth are suppose to get married, they don’t, They are suppose to get the Dead Man’s Chest, they don’t. Will is suppose to free his father, he doesn’t. Jack is suppose to the souls, he doesn’t. DMC is just one long set up for the third film, which makes me beg the question. Did this story really need to be split up into two films? There was so much that they could have cut out in order to condense the two film into one. But alas, we live in a greedy world.

Depp, does very well with Sparrow, as is expected. Although, Sparrow seemed to come off as too feminine in this film, I don’t know if this was just me but that’s what I got from Depp’s performance. From the way he would run to the way he would try and grab the key off the Commodore. This doesn’t hurt the film all too much, but it can be distracting. Bloom, he seemed to annoy me in this film. As he does in every other film he is in, save for LOTR. Not necessarily his performance, but his voice. The way he tries to seem commanding but comes off as a pretty boy. Keira Knightley was alright here, she doesn’t do all that much and there is no real chemistry here between her or Bloom. Or even character development for that matter. Hats off to Nighy, he did a superb job replacing Rush as the main villain. The special effects of his character were very well done and you can see how they modeled this character after him with every expression that he makes. His “sea phantoms” are another great treat for the eyes. These guys make the skeletons in the original look like nothing. I really enjoyed seeing the ship burst out from underneath the water surface. Skarsgård was another treat, for the very little screen time that he had, he did a mighty fine job. But what was with the voodoo chick? I did not understand half of what she said.

The special effects are great and are perfect for the “summer blockbuster adventure” film. From the giant sea creature to the sea phantoms, everything is top notch. I spotted one or two off beat parts but that’s mainly due to the crazy factor of what was on the screen. Seeing the creature destroy the ships was great. But that’s the only real adventure action type sequences we get. Other then a long and drawn out sword fight on a giant wheel, that was cool at first, but once it kept rolling, the cool factor was rolling away with it. The sword fights do not match the original in any way, but that’s not supposed to be the highlight, it’s the huge sea creature destroying everything in its path.

The comedy did seem forced in some parts. You could tell that they were going for the funny in some scenes but it doesn’t always work. Sparrow is basically one joke after the other, or one funny look after the other. There are funny parts in the film, but it just tried to capture the same spirit as the original, but it doesn’t. The score is great and has that “adventurous” feel to it, even if it is played once too many. But when you have a great score like that, or Superman, you’re suppose to play it every chance you get.

In the end, Dead Man’s Chest is a good summer action adventure film. It does deliver on the action, the comedy (in parts), the excitement, the special effect and the enjoyment. Although, you may find yourself wondering what more they could have done, why the film is so long with so many things that do not even need to be in here. As well as with the final scene, you may have some questions that you can only pray for get answered in the final…hopefully final installment.

7.5/10

Thanks Pyro

Pyro?

nice review but i think it was more 6/10 it was highly entertaining but like you said u gotta stap yourself in for the ride to fully enjoy it

Ultraviolet (Kurt Wimmer)



No, that is not a giant tampon she is holding.


"Did Screen Gems Ruin Ultraviolet?"

A woman vampire in a futuristic world must protect a small boy by the name of SIX. He is in fact the cure to all humans transformed into vampires. With everyone on her tail, she must use her skills to not only protect the boy, but to live.

I gave Equilibrium a 9, it was truly an amazing film. When I saw the trailer for Ultraviolet, I was as hyped up to see it as I thought I would be. The immediate thought that sprang into my mind was Equilibrium: The Sequel, only this time with Mila fighting the good fight. Throughout the course of the film, you get the sense that there are good parts in it, a snippet here and there. Unfortunately, the editing of a film can change the view of it drastically. For better or worse, films like Donnie Darko, Kingdom of Heaven and Blade Runner all have director's cuts. I would very much like to see this film again, with Wimmer's vision in the editing stages, not Screen Gems. What could have been a bloodbath 120 minute R rated film, turned into an 88 minute PG-13 kid flick.

For a studio to take a directors film and totally re-edit it is basically a slap in the face. Poor Wimmer has his name pasted all over this pile of dung heap and I for one feel sorry for him. Not that what he had was all that great to begin with, but I can see a rating being higher then a 2 with a director's cut. So where does this film fault? Pretty much everywhere. It's main pitch to the audience was it's "wow" factor in the fight scenes. Some are good, some are pretty bad....like do we really need to see a fight through each and every person's shades? It's disorienting and horribly done.

Mila is wooden here and Bright plays the exact same character in every single film he does. He's that creepy kid. This one of two films where he plays a boy that is known as a "cure". He does absolutely nothing, other then running with the main character and saying wooden lines that are suppose to make our hero "feel" something.

To be completely honest, I did not know this film was about vampires until have way through it, when I saw the teeth and was like, "what the hell is going on here?". Would it have been a better film if I has known it was about vampires, probably not. Why even have the vampire story in here, they do not use it at all. There is no vampire mythology in here. They could have simply made something up, "alien blood" in their system, or some other crap excuse to "cure" them, but vampires? The lead villain has no memorable factors about it, whatsoever. He's boring, inane and most of all pointless.

When you see a scene with the lead female on a motorcycle, that is riding on the side of a building because she used some kind of gravity device, you know you're in for a "cool look at this scene" type of film...house of the dead anyone? To say that Wimmer is the next Uwe Boll, is not fair. Equilibrium is an astounding film, and Ultraviolet, although a big, big misstep, is not the end of his career. Ultraviolet is a film you can definitely decide to skip when you see it sitting on the shelf in a video store. If you're looking for something to equal Equilibrium, look somewhere else please. This film is in no way an entertaining movie. The only chance I will give it, is when I see "DC" on the cover.

2/10

Thanks for the review, I will give this one a miss

Clerks II (Kevin Smith)




"Smith Serves Us A Gross, Vulgar, Obscene, But Funny Comedy In Clerks II"

It's been 12 years since we left Dante and Randal at the Quick Stop and guess what, it got burned down to the ground. So looking for new jobs, the duo end up at Mooby's, a fictional McDonald's. It's Dante's last day before he moves to Florida with his Fiancée, leaving his best friend Randal back in New Jersey. But as well all know, today isn't going to go as Dante planned.

Porch Monkey - A person, of African descent, usually found in the Southern states of the United States. Porch Monkeys were commonly found sitting on their porches doing little or nothing all day. Usually found on Plantations or large land lots with a house/shack of some sort including a porch.

-Urban Dictionary

I wasn't the biggest fan of Clerks when I first saw it, it just didn't live up to the hype that surrounded it. After repeated viewings, it grew on me, and I actually enjoy it quite a bit now, still does not live up to it's hype though. Now, with the sequel coming out, I was hoping that I would enjoy it more since I also work in the fast food business. Is Clerks II funnier then the original? I believe so, with most of the jokes being "geek" oriented. Although, I think that the original Clerks is the better film. Smith's comedy is still immature, gross and vulgar, but that's what one can expect when they enter this flick. Is a man having sex with a donkey funny? Not really, but for some odd reason, it works for Clerks II.

For fans of the original who were the same age of it's characters, they will be able to relate to them, yet again. In this installment, the 30 something slackers complain about not doing anything with their lives. The film, being as gross and funny as it is, also gets sappy in one scene, which involves Dante and Randal talking to each other about the past and how their friendship is ruined.

The new and improved Jay and Silent Bob return as well, with Jay giving a pretty funny depiction of Buffalo Bill from the Silence of the Lambs. You can't help but laugh at everything these two screwballs do. I'm glad to see them on the big screen once again. With the returns of some familiar faces, there are also new characters added to the mix. Elias, who's a Lord of the Rings, Transformers loving, Christian virgin. Who is the perfect counter-part to Randals obscene vulgarity. As well as Becky, the manager at Mooby's who has a thing for Dante. While Dawson as Becky is not funny, she is sweet and cute. Just what the film needs. Trevor Fehrman plays the virgin Elias, who was surprisingly funny here. The bit between him, the hobbit loving customer and Randal as they discuss Lord of the Rings VS Star Wars is a high point.

Some will say that Smith has reached a new low, entering bestiality into the mix. But when all his films but two are about dick and fart jokes, it was only a short amount of time before we saw something like this. With the LOTR VS Star Wars scene being a high point, the only other scene that stands out in my mind that had my laughing out loud, would be the porch monkey scene, and all porch monkey related jokes afterward. Again, involving Randal, as does every other great jokes in this film...umm Anne Frank, Or Hellen Keller, how about pillow pants?

Smith's writing is top notch here. The film is about him in his 30's, and with Dante and Randal he can spew whatever he wants out of them. He does not fault here, it's just as sharp and edgy as he ever was, maybe even more now. You can tell that Smith tried to push the envelope with his childish humour, and well, it works. He's matured, yes, but still has that child in him, which is obvious. O'Halloran and Anderson are not great actors, which is apparent in this film, but they play off each other so well and are use to their characters that most of the time you can't tell, or you let it pass.

Smith's usual crew make cameos, with Lee playing yet another character. This time an old high school rival. You'll also see Ben Affleck for 10 seconds and Ethan Suplee, trying to score some drugs from Jay and Bob. New face Wanda Sykes makes an cameo, playing a disgruntled "black" customer. She doesn't serve up any laughs, it's Randal and the porch monkey comment, but don't worry...he's taking it back.

Do you need to see the original to get this movie? No. But, for those who have seen the original, there are the occasional references to it...ending anyone? As well as the other View Askewniverse films, like the ABC song and of course, Mooby's. If you have seen the original, you may appreciate some of the jokes more. Smith , who everyone thought matured, with Jersey Girl, is back doing what he does best, he serves us a gross, vulgar, obscene, but funny comedy in Clerks II and that is exactly what one should expect when they go to see this.

8/10

Thanks for the review

Damn, I wish it was August 31st. Why must America get everything early?

And I agree about the studios ruining films like Ultraviolet. I especially hate how they butchered the ending to Army of Darkness.

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Iro's Top 100 Movies v3.0

I love the studio ending to Army of Darkness so much more than the original ending.

Without it, we'd never have gotten the single best line of dialogue in the franchise.

"Hail to the king baby".

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"Groovy."
- Ash (Bruce Campbell), Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn

Yet you quote "groovy" in your sig.

Besides, if you consider the endings to the previous Evil Dead movies, it's more fitting.

Snakes On A Plane (David R. Ellis)





The Best Picture Of The Decade....To Feature Snakes On Planes

An FBI agent saves the life of a man who witnesses a murder. The murderer, Eddie Kim, knows the witness will testify against him and hatches a plan so brilliant it's dumb. He releases tons of poisonous snakes on the plane that was destined for L.A. Hence the title, Snakes On A Plane.

What made Snakes On A Plane, or SoaP, so popular before it came out? Well, it could be a number of things, first the ridiculous title that kicks ass and sums up the entire plot of the film. Second, it's star who's known as a badass mofo, that would be none other then Samuel L. Jackson. How about the fact the the fans got to have their ideas put into the film. More violence, more nudity and more swearing from Sam Jackson was added because of the voice of the fans. If these elements were not part of the film, then SoaP would no doubt be a straight to video release like some other inane horror films, Boa Vs Python comes to mind. SoaP though, rises above those crappy B horror campy films, even though it is indeed one itself.

Much like this years Slither, SoaP is a film that takes the horror genre and the comedy genre and mixes it with campy style that is destined to make it a cult classic. With a specific target audience and an attitude that says the film will be awful, but enjoy it for what it is, SoaP manages to be...actually good. SoaP will be one of those films that you can have drinking games to, whenever someone says "snake" take a shot.

I'm not going to talk about plot holes in the film, cause it's SNAKES ON A PLANE. With a title like that you have to expect stupid things to happen, and stupid things indeed do happen. You must see the film with a group of friends in order to get the full enjoyment out of it. You'll be laughing at scenes where people throw dogs at snakes and where a harpoon Gun is used as a weapon, but you can forgive such things, cause well...it's SNAKES ON A PLANE. The stupidity mixes very well with the comedy, seeing a snake get sucked out of the side of the plane, with a guy still in it's mouth is something you either laugh at or roll your eyes at, and if you're rolling your eyes in the film, then you missed the point of it.

Is this Sam Jackson at his best? Of course not, he's just here to have a fun time, he gets to shoot snakes, burn snakes, taser snakes, and beat them. I would have liked to have Jackson do more of his swearing though, I don't think it would have taken away from his "Mo F'in snakes on this Mo F'in plane" line, cause that's gold on it's own. He is indeed a badass and that's what one should expect. Everyone else does surprisingly well, the supporting cast help round out the film.

I can't help but ask for more violence in this already violent film. Yes it was originally rated PG-13, but once adding new scenes, involving nudity and bad language, you would expect a bit more violence. There are a lot of fast paced snake attacks, involving eyes, throats and faces, but it could have been so much more. It was pretty random to see a heel from a woman's shoe being stuck in a man's ear.

All in all, you can't expect all too much from the film. Afterall, it is called SNAKES ON A PLANE. It's not as "badass" as one would think, but it is a fun ride. It delivers what it promises, snakes on a plane, snakes on crack and a badass Sam Jackson. Soap is the best picture of the decade, to feature snakes on planes.

8/10

I was going to give SoaP a miss, after reading your passionate review I will see it when it is out on DVD