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Mass shooting? Well...


Unclear How Bad Mass Shooting Is Until Authorities Release Details Of Everyone's Skin Color
March 22nd, 2021 -


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U.S.—According to media reports, there has been a mass shooting. As of now, it is unclear how bad the mass shooting is, or whether anyone should care about it-- since authorities have not yet released the skin colors of the perpetrator and the victims.

"It's possible this could be a horrific mass shooting we will talk about for years to come," said one news anchor. "On the other hand, it may just be a run-of-the-mill mass shooting that we'll forget by tomorrow since it doesn't fit the narrative we are trying to sell right now. For the time being, please be sure to assume this shooting confirms all your most horrific biases about the state of our country. Stay tuned for more details-- unless we decide you don't really need to hear more details."
Already, social media is buzzing with speculation and anger, confirming everything everyone already knew about how horrible the groups of people who they think are so horrible really are.

"Not surprised," said one American. "This is America-- the country where the exact people I hate are as horrible as I thought they were."
The media has assured they will probably just hold off on reporting further details until the preferred narrative has had time to run its course.

From the Babylon Bee

Please Quote/Tag Or I'll Miss Your Responses
There was one a week ago, too. I've been online and all I see are double-standards all over the place. I also have been DVRing the three major news channels of cable. It's too bad people choose sides over truth. We'll never have the right conversation anyway - we're always steps and light years answering dumb questions before we can even begin to approach this with a good diagnosis and analysis. I really don't think there is a solution.

I thought yesterday's initial "press conference" was too weird. If a reporter asked an official what day it was, I would guess the response would be, "We're still investigating".

I think even satire of this sort probably goes against the "no politics" rule, since in this case it's ultimately no different than just saying something really sarcastic about current events, so I'm gonna close this, and ask that people refrain from posting stuff like this in the future.

No chastisement intended, as I've said a few times we're all sort of feeling out the new rules, but I think this is obviously akin to a political statement that invites rebuttal, so probably falls on the wrong side of the line.