Animal Mothers Reviews!

Ok folks, i've decided to give reviewing a try, I want any opinion good or bad, and I welcome criticism in hope that I can make them better.

Rating system

*****- Amazing film- a MUST see. Pick it up or face severe penalty's
****- Great film- deserving of a renting or five
***- Decent film- Rent it if you have no other ideas
**- Mediocre film- Stray away from this
*-Terrible film- I urge you, if you find this, to quarantine the direct area, and notify proper authorites(it's to late for me).



Dog Soldiers(2002)
Starring:Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd and Emma Cleasby

This movie pretty much revolves around a group of British commando's who have been sent out into the scottish wilderness on a training mission. The adventure begins when the group of commando's come upon the site of a massacre. There is one man left alive, but unfortunately he his mortally wounded, and his camp is littered with the corpses of his fallen comrads. Eventually the squad meets up with a Zoologist by the name of Megan, who informs them that werewolves are active in the region. They eventually find out that they are stuck in the wilderness on the worst night, it turns out there is a full moon..... And we all know what happens when you put full moons and werewolves together. The rest of the movie pretty much consists of the commando's and megan trying to stay alive and not be mercilessly slaughtered by the group of blood thirsty ravenous beasts.

The movie was pretty good, I can honestly say one of the most imaginitive werewolf tales I have ever had the pleasure to view. Like most movies it had it's high's and lows. But all in all it was an extremely entertaining ride full of gore,werewolves and relentless carnage.... And the plot ain't half bad either..

Rating:***1/2

It's worth a rental

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awwww come on (whats your name?) you gotta spice up the review and make it a bit longer, for example include some pictures write how the performances were or something. Something that will make the review longer!

Damn you! I was gonna review this! LOL
Decent first review of a great movie. The only thing I'd suggest is to be a little more specific; what were the highs and lows that you mentioned?

Keep at it. Post more!

Thanks for the feeback folks I appreciate it. My next one shall be better, I thought this was ok seeing how I haven't reviewed a film in over a year. More feedback is not wanted, but NESSECARY. And I shall post another review in the next little while.

That review sucked the........not bad lollipop.

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"This is that human freedom, which all boast that they possess, and which consists solely in the fact, that men are conscious of their own desire, but are ignorant of the causes whereby that desire has been determined." -Baruch Spinoza

I thought it was a very nice NON-spoiler appetizer review. Ive heard great things about this flick, and I have yet to see it. As it is on my list, I tried not to read the review at first, thinking there would be spoilers--it doesnt! (*yay!*)

I have a tendency to ramble on and rant in voluminous pages myself, so I found your short, to-the-point summary very refreshing.

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something witty goes here......

Good job, bro.

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"Today, war is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids."

It took me awhile to decide upon a movie that I felt that deserves a review... and this one just so happened to come to mind



The Warriors(1979)
Director: Walter Hill
Starring: Michael Beck, James Remar, Deborah Van Valkenburgh.


The Warriors is the story of a New York street gang in the late seventies. With member such as Ajax,Cleon and Swan. The movie starts as all the gangs in the New York city underground are going to a gigantic confrence in the bronx, to discuss a truce between the different gangs. When the organizer and "prophet" Cyrus takes the stand to give his speech, a gun shot rings out and Cyrus falls, fatally injured by the bullet. The real culprits blame their arch rivals from Coney Island, The Warriors. And if Cyrus being shot isn't enough, the NYPD arrive to bust the gangs. At this point all hell breaks loose and everyone is seperated. The Warriors leader Cleon gets wasted during the fray, and The Warriors leave without their leader. In Cleon's absence Swan takes charge of the gang, and he decides that it's his duty to return his gang back to there home turf. There is however a BIG problem, They are countless miles behind enemy lines. Thus their adventure through the blood soaked streets of New York begins, where they encounter other gangs such as the AC Turnbulls, The Lizzies and The Orphans who are out for blood, The Warrior's blood. Will they arrive back home to their Coney Island turf? or will they meet their maker on the streets of New York. You'll just have to watch to find out, Can you dig it? I said CAAN YOUUUU DIG IT?

This movie had awesome action sequences, a great story line and was well shot. It's a great ride throught the seedy underground of the New York gang scene, and I would recommend it to all audiences..

Rating: I'm pretty biased, seeing how this is one of my favorite movies.. so i'll offer two ratings

Biased: *****
Un-Biased****
Can you count, suckahs?

Soylent Green(1973)
Director: Richard Fleischer
Starring: Charlton Heston, Leigh Taylor-Young, Chuck Connors


It's the year 2022, Poverty, famine and over-population run rampant in the streets of New York city. People will sleep wherever they can find a roof, be it a church a stairwell or a sheltered alley. Amidst a murder investigation. Soylent Green was created by the government as a solution to the famine that was running rampant in the streets. Soylent green is nutritious, produced in vast quanitities and above all it's cheap. But when Thorn finds out his best friend and mentor has gone off to die, he tries to stop him. But arrives just in time to say his final farewell, before his friend is carted, bagged and thrown into the back of what looks like a garbage truck. Thorn decides to pull a James Bond, and sneaks into a factory where his deceased friends body has been carted off to. As soon as Thorn arrives into the factory, where he finds out the horrible secret behind the government's miracle food stuff, he knows something in the world has gone totally wrong.

The movie was entertaining, but it got a little tiring during some parts. In my opinion one of Heston's better roles, and it certainly is one of the more interesting concepts i've ever seen in a movie.

Rating***

The Warriors!!! Hells ya....

Good work so far....

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Clerks(1994)
Director: Kevin Smith
Starring: Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson.


I honestly wasn't supposed to do a review today......... but I came in anyway, I mean i'll be gone by noon........


Clerks is the first effort by writer,director and actor Kevin Smith. Clerks revolves around a day in the life of a disgruntled Quick Stop clerk named Dante and a totally apathetic RST video clerk named Randal. Shot as though it was through the lens of a security camera, this movie takes us through all of Dante and Randal's escapades of a single day. Including the wake of an old dead classmate, the un-intended necrophilisim of Dante's ex girlfriend, run in's with the local drug dealers, by the name of Jay and Silent Bob and a game of hockey on the roof, among many other hilarious goings on in this black and white cult hit. This movie really followed no set plot, which in fact made the movie what it is. It was just a bunch of random happenings. There is really nothing more to say, except it was an entertaining ride full of hilarious adventures and randomosity

Myself, I thought the idea was fresh at the time, and the way it was shot also gave it a more original feel. This movie and the Clerks comics also spawned an extremely un-successful and short lived cartoon on ABC. Myself I bought the full six episodes of the cartoon when they were released, and i've never looked back......


Rating:***.5

[quote=Animal_Mother]Clerks(1994)

Hell yeah, that movie was worth a rental (Clerks). Can we get some fierce cover photos, or even better, a still from your favorite scene? And about Warriors, I've hated what I've heard and read about it, but I'm gonna' rent it after this little review shiz' you've got goin'.

[Side Note: I've been trying to work on my grammar, and if I remember correctly you were my insperation, so it just kind of worries me when I see grammatical errors in your work.]

Answer to cheesy joke.... A STICK

My first movie review, since my triumphant return!


Cemetery Man (Dellamorte Dellamore)(1994)
Director: Michele Soavi
Starring: Rupert Everett, Anna Falchi, Francois Jadji-Lazaro


This movie starts off in Buffalora cemetery in the northern part of Italy, where the Returners(Zombies) seem to be arising from the grave not even a week after their caskets had been introduced to the dirt six feet under. But none of this seems to bother Francesco Dellamorte, the live in watch-man of the cemetery, if one of the returners inconvenience him in any way, shape or form. There is one simple solution, a steaming hot piece of lead right through the old noggin. But the only thing that truly seems to occupy his mind, is a mourning widow, only known as she. Francesco falls for her, and he falls hard for her. He eventually seduces her in Buffalora Ossuary (Bone Depository). And they show their love for each other on the widow's grave, but unfortunately he arises from the grave, and kills his wife in a jealousy fueled rage, before Gnaghi( Francesco's friend/companion) comes and splits his head in half with a shovel. But as a "Returner" She comes back again and again. But I guess you'll just have to watch to find out what happens to Gnaghi, Francesco and his dead gorgeous love interest.


And just for the hell of it, here are some pictures!!!!


This movie is possibly one of the coolest zombie films I have ever seen. It TOTALLY warrants a rental from any fan of the zombie genre, or anyone who likes blood and gore. Or just anyone who appreciates a good film.

Rating:*****

Nice review AM! I've been trying to buy this title on DVD, however, it is such a cult classic that every retail store I visit has it on back-order. Perhaps it's Amazon time. Ever see Maniac Cop 2?

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I have been formatted to fit this screen.

r66-The member who always asks WHY?

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You pointed out its rental potential - freakin awesome. Otherthan that, I would have changed Good to Entertaining. I've got my reasons.

Bubba Ho-Tep(2002)
Director: Don Coscarelli
Starring: Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Bob Ivy

Bubba Ho-Tep is a triumphant return to pure awesomeness, for one Bruce Campbell, (who seemed to somewhat slip under the radar after The Evil Dead trilogy) This movie's plot centers around THE Elvis impersonator, Sebastion Haff(Campbell) who in turn REALLY is Elvis(You'll have to watch to understand it) His crippled friend and fellow mummy hunter, JFK(who as you might guess isn't really JFK) and a mummy by the name of Bubba Ho-Tep. Set in a rest home in Texas, the cowboy moteif wearing Bubba Ho-Tep's main goal is to suck the souls out of the elderly so that he may continue living... After the Mummy tried to attack JFK, Elvis and JFK decide to reap what Bubba has sewn, so they set to work, getting supplies and other materials which they will need, so that they can face the soul sucking, cowboy boot wearing Bubba. The final showdown is a mix of pure hilarity and just plain awesomeness. That's all you need to know(Unless you've seen it)........

This movie was AWESOME, it was made on a low budget, but the writing, directing and acting had the feeling of a high budget B-movie(In a good way) And i'm convinced that if Don Coscarelli keeps directing the next movies in this series, that they will also be PURE awesomness. I've never rented this movie, but decided to buy it first, and I can say this was one purchase that I wish I had made MUCH sooner.

Rating:*****

Thanks for the great reviews, I will have watch a few of these

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

Great review, AM!
I'm glad you loved this one as much as I did. It is indeed awesome: a triumph in every sense of the word.

I keep hearing lots of mixed reviews for this film, I'll have to watch it and find out for myself. Thanks for the review.

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