Meatwadsprite's Slow Review Thread

Not even this ?

Douglas Quaid: [killing him with a large drill] SCREW YOU!

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Yeah, that part's pretty corny, but still fun in a Commando kinda way.

"I'm gonna drill you, sucka!"

Meat's 2010 Slam Dunk Championship Winners !

Funniest - Scott Pilgrim



Runner Ups




Best Animated Film - Toy Story 3



Yeah it was a disapointment, but unfortunately it didn't have much competition this year. I'd probably watch through Toy Story 3 about 10 times before even revisiting the runner ups (listed below), if not to hear Rex go "This looks nice it's got a rainbow on it". It looks gorgeous through and through, with a stellar voice cast, and plenty of little winks to the previous ones.

Runner Ups

Best Visuals - Inception



Runner Ups



Best Musical Score - Hans Zimmer for Inception



Runner Ups



Best Acting Performance - Ryan Gosling



Runner ups



Film of the Year - Inception



Runner Ups







List of all my 2010 ratings

Alright I'm giving up on whatever review format I was going for, because I'm tired of it. All the conventions of real words and sensical grammar just don't apply in these new reviews. I'll also upload these to youtube (sometimes) with very little finese, with video links instead of text (sometimes the "script" of the video review doesn't work on the written level).

(weeeeeeeeeee).

Mofo popcorn still being used I see.

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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews

I don't know. Those all seem too hyper and paranoid to qualify as part of the "Slow Review Thread".

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It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
My IMDb page

Well, Meatface that was something different You sound like you are angry would like to hear you review something you like

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

2011 Ratings List (not 2010)

50/50
Moneyball
The Tree of Life
Harry Potter and the Deathy Hallows Part 2
Margin Call
Ides of March
Bridesmaids
Win Win
Drive
The Lincoln Lawyer
Limitless
Rango
Cedar Rapids
Source Code
Attack the Block
Martha Marcy May Marlene
Tower Heist
The Green Hornet
X-Men : First Class
Super 8

Fast Five
Cowboys and Aliens
Adventures of Tin Tin
Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
13 Assasins
The Guard
Melancholia
A Seperation
Leap Year
The Artist
Hugo
The Muppets
Tinker, Tailor, Soilder, Spy
La Havre
The Descendants
Incendies
Point Blank

"dead"

Batman Begins 2005

Bubby Begins is Tim Burt's fifth and best Batmin flick in the book. It's based off Frank Mil's graphic booker 301 dalmation spartans. It tells the origin story of brucey bubby and how he came to be the master fighter vigiliante who would go on to fight the most powerful enenmy of them all .... raas al goon.

Meet the Nohan's approach to Batbub was a sensational one, that would go on to be imitated in the s**theap that was Watchers. It's approach was to actually take the comic book seriously and not put 14 feet guns in peoples pockets. To do this, director Chris Walker expertly ripped out the story from Frank Mill's pictures, but put it in words because a picture is worth a thousand words. So a lawsuit wouldn't work in this scenario.

"Watchers"

Nohan's storytelling has never been on this level before, he intercuts parts from the past beautifully into the current. How Batmin's parents got shot, how he was trained by Raas al Goon, and how he came to become the Batmin (being my favorite part of the movie). Then the part where he trains Goon, if you know what I'm saying.

The technical design of the movie is bat-tacular, lets start with his bubcave. Apparently this was a giant set with some big waterfalls running down it, in the film it really comes alive with the ambient sound design. The echoing voices and footsteps, the bats, the water.

It's also very funny when Batman knocks Qui-Gon in half and tells him this train is over.

Vertigo 1958

Cockroach made his debut with this box office bender, Tall Men Fall. Jimbo Stewber is a retired copper who is resummoned by his old bubby to get back into detecter job. For this mission he must spy on some hot mama, because she is straight up stupid. She goes to museum, then horse, then lake in that order. Very strange person.

So it turns out that theres more to meet the eye if you can even belive that. Stewbers strange obsession becomes alarming when he starts getting real rowdy and starts knockin b*t*hes out, and starts saying **** you god d*** sons of my *************** .

The point of this movie is to make green screens actually look good back in the dinosaur times. Some times they look really good and sometimes they are garbagio. Definitely not Cock's best looking, but his eyeballs clearly saw what happened.

"This movie is even harder than Inception"

One glaring thing is the ending, probably the most abrupt in the history of movies period. It's like listening to a story told by an old wise man, then he trips on a banana peel and tells 3/4 the story in one sentence.

Your reviewing is interesting meatfaceeroo

"Scary man staring"
The Producers 1968

Mel Gibson directed and commentaried on this straight to DVD kids flick, which involves two grown men making a hitler play, but making it be really good on purpose and then it turns out to be a total sunken plunder. We start off with a roaring 1920's man to old woman luncheon, where Scary Man (played by Zero Hotels) is schamookering these grandmas out of their shamolies.

Thats how he gets his money can you belive that ? Untill, Willy Wonka enters the room and tells him about his new chocolate invention. The Wonka bar and his new golden ticket promotion. Before Wonka has time to unfold his diabolical scheme though, Scary Man says "No, thats a poor buisness strat. We should make a hitler."

Then they make Hitler and it so funny. Then audience real mad because it bad. Then audience is real funny because Hitler said baby. Then Scary Man and Wonka real mad because they mad now. Then they got lots of old money from old ladies and they spend it all on booze and cigars.

If you have a brain in your head for the last 50 years, then you know exactly how this ordeal is gona end the second it starts. But, it is pretty funny, but then again not "oh ha ha" funny, but then again "it was predictable", but then again Wonka would get real mad if I gave it a bad score.

bad score

What You mean Mel Brooks don't you? and I am sure it wasn't ment to be a kids flick and it certainly did not go straight to DVD well not in Australia

You do realize that meaty's slow reviews are so slow nowadays that you have to read between the lines. Mel = Mel. Although I thought the "score" was great. It did have "Springtime For Hitler" after all. Go ahead... I double dare you... call me an Anti-Semite. Of course then you'd have to call the Semitic Mel an Anti-Semite too for writing, naming and singing parts of that song. WooHoo!

Oh Ha Ha

Howard the Duck 1986

George Lucas is a convicted rapist. Quack quack quack. That's all the duck says the whole time. George Lucas sold pixar to make this critically acclaimed quacksterpiece. It starts off with a giant portal rips the crappy duck from his duck city to our real city.

George Lucas has a burger addiction, he spent all of the money Star Wars made on burgers and in 1986 he unfolded his new scheme for burgers. Then he's so funny saying his 80's jokes. All the entire time he keeps making sex jokes because the movie is for little kids and then he gets knocked through a wall with a duck with her breasts completely exposed. Also, its not even as funny as it thinks it is. Only ducks will understand half the jokes. It's also appropriate to watch with your kids because a fully grown woman tries to have sex with a duck, then he gets a funny duck erection when his hair goes up.



"Back in the 20's when this movie came out. This was considered extremely tame."

George Lucas spent all the proceeds of this film on McDonalds hamburgers and coke. Turns out Howie Ducky was actually transtelefunneled into our dimensions by way of scientific genus. Some boozer piece of crap science man accidentally ripped a hole in space hell to summon Howard the Duck (1986). Then he does it again for lulz and summons the bad guy from Men in Black (1997).

George Lucas holds true to only one belief, that by killing people in this world he gains slaves in the afterlife and that these slaves can be traded for burgers. There's no way to stop this new demon ! He shoots electricity when he pleases, he even EATS electricity when he pleases. He can make people fly, shoot lasers, turn into a giant monster. No way to stop him really ! A duck kills him by accidentally bumping into him with a pencil.

Just in case, the above movie was not made for kids, and that cross-species couple did have sex. Are you now changing your "name" to vegwadsprite?

In a world like that, I'd be dead.

After 14 years of getting it taken down by WMG, I edited this all up. Of course in the tradition of my favorite movies lists, it is missing a favorite or two.

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Most of the same stuff as always.