1. "The Merv Griffin Show"
Kramer finds the old set in a dumpster and creates an imaginary running talkshow in his apartment. This episode also has Jerry drugging his new girlfriend to play with her old toy collection, Elaine battling "the sideler" at the office, and George inexplicably injuring pidgeons and squirrels, even though "We had a deal!". It all leads to that fantastic finale on the set of Kramer's 'show', which has now turned its focus to "scandals & animals".
2. "The Bookstore"
George takes the expensive art book into the restroom with him and is forced to buy it, not knowing it is "flagged" and cannot be resold. Jerry sees Uncle Leo shoplifting and turns him in to teach him a lesson, not realizing he would actually be arrested. Elaine, conscious of not doing any embarassing dancing at the office party, instead gets drunk and makes out at one of the tables with a co-worker. Kramer and Newman decide to start a Rickshaw service using Homeless as labor.
3. "The Invitations"
As the wedding approaches, George tries new tricks to get Susan to leave him: smoking and a prenuptial agreement. Neither work ("I Make more money than you"). Kramer doesn't recognize Susan and calls her Lilly, but he has bigger fish to fry: he gets into a semantic argument over a bank's policy of giving $100 if their tellers don't say hello ("'Hey' is not 'Hello'"). Jerry is saved by his female equivalent (Janeane Garofalo) and decides to propose to her. And of course the deadly wedding invitations. The unemotional way the four handle the news of Susan's death from licking the cheap envelopes is priceless, reminiscent of Camus'
The Stranger (especially when later coupled with the series finale).
4. "The Frogger"
George learns the high score on a pizza parlor video game he acheived in high school is still on the machine and may be his only true legacy. To move the machine without turning it off, he hires Kramer, who has a roll of police crimescene tape, a truck driver, and a man Kramer knows as "Slippery Pete" (
Fargo's Peter Stomare) who is supposedly a master electrician - even though he calls an outlet "the holes". At the same time Jerry is trying to break up with a girl who is getting too serious too fast and wants to go to Pennsylvania Dutch Country for the weekend, but he's scared into staying with her because of "The Lopper" of Riverside Drive. Elaine swears off the daily excuses to have office parties in the afternoon, but then sneaks into Peterman's office and accidentally eats King Edward II's wedding cake won at auction for $29,000 ("It was a little stale").
5. "The Contest"
George is caught by his mother masturbating in her house to
Glamour magazine. The four decide to see who can go the longest without pleasuring themselves. All four are tempted by cruel fates: Jerry is dating a beautiful virgin, Kramer is obsessed with a sexy exhibitionist across the street, at the hospital George's mother is roomed with a gorgeous woman who gets sponge baths from a statuesque nurse, and Elaine meets John-John Kennedy Jr. at her aerobics class. One by one they fall.
6. "The Handicap Spot"
The four go to the Mall in George's father's car to pick out a gift for "The Drake", who is engaged. When they can't find a spot George in convinced to park in a handicapped space, but when they return an angry mob has gathered. Because they took the spot, a woman in a wheelchair had an accident coming down the steep ramp. The police seem to be powerless and indifferent, so they hide. When they return again, the car is totaled. Kramer visits the woman in the hospital and falls madly in love with her. He agrees that he and George will find her a replacement wheelchair. Instead of a new one, George saves money with a used model. Because the car has been ruined, Frank Costanza decides he will make George his butler, just as George and Jerry had written in their sitcom pilot scritp.
7. "The Opposite"
George realizes that every instinct he's ever had in his life has been wrong, so he starts a new creedo of doing the exact opposite. As a result he attracts an impossibly beautiful woman who he is driving crazy with the anticipation of love, and lands a cushy job with the New York Yankees. At the same time Elaine's fortunes fade, and she winds up with no boyfriend and no job (all thanks to Juicy Fruit). Jerry looses a job, then gets a new one five minutes later, illuminating a pattern of "Even Steven". Kramer finally gets his coffee-table book about coffeee-tables published and guests on
"Regis & Kathy Lee".
8. "The Yada Yada"
Jerry's dentist, Tim Whatley, has converted to Judiasm, but Jerry thinks it was just so he could tell Jewish jokes without repurcussions. This offends him, not as a Jew, but as a comedian. Kramer accuses Jerry of being an "anti-dentite", but he and Mickey are having trouble with a double date - neither can decide which girl they want. Elaine goes before an adoption board to help friends get a baby, but unconsciously blows the entire deal for them. And of course George's new girlfriend tells stories but leaves out details with a "yada yada".
9. "The Cartoon"
Susan's old college roomate, Sally Weaver (Katy Griffin), is a wannabe actress. Jerry is critical of her chances, but tries to be kind about it in person. Later Kramer of course tells her more bluntly, and she turns her rage against Jerry. This inspires her to start a one-woman show off-Broadway where she does nothing but tell how horrible Jerry "The Devil" Seinfeld is. It's a big hit, and Newman is her biggest fan. Meanwhile George is dating a new girl (Tracy Nelson) who Kramer blurts out looks a lot like Jerry, but reassures him with a "just because they look-a-like, that doesn't mean you're secretly in love with Jerry." This of course ignites George's neurosis. All the while, Elaine is angry about a
New Yorker cartoon not making any sense. Even the editor finally admits it makes no sense, so he says Elaine can write one. When she finally does and it is published, Mr. Peterman, a lifetime Ziggy fan ("Quick, Elaine, to my archives!") realizes she has unconsciously stolen the idea.
10. "The Marine Biologist"
Jerry bumps into an old friend who asks about George. Rather than tell her he's unemployed, he says he's a successful marine biologist. Elaine is supposed to help a famous Russian novelist, but things are spoiled when Jerry convinces her Tolstoy's original title for
War & Peace was
War, What is it Good For? ("Absolutely nuthin'!") and her beeping electronic organizer. Kramer goes to the beach to practice his golf swing. Geroge keeps the marine biologist lie going until he is asked to save a distressed whale. The punchline: "A hole in one."
Those were the first ten that popped into my head anyway, but I probably have more like sixty or seventy "favorite" episodes, as we all do.
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That, of course, reminds me of scene where he's nitpicking this blind date (or something similar), whereas Elaine is trying desperately to get her friend to agree to it. "Does she have a pinkish hue?" And yes, the Soup Nazi episode is awesome. "No soup for you!" is an ideal catchphrase.
