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So, that's the physical side of it. Here's the mental stuff:

Being fat is like being in a bad relationship. When you get out, it's obvious what was happening and why it wasn't worth it. But when you're still in it, you just can't see it clearly. Knowing this, I've managed not to beat myself up about this too badly, but more than once I've thought about all the years in my 20s that could've been so much richer and fuller and more enjoyable if I'd just done all this sooner. I can't say I wish I'd never gotten fat, because losing the weight has been instructive, and I appreciate what I have more this way. But I very much wish I'd fixed it sooner.

One of the things I had a lot of trouble with at first was the idea of wanting better things. I was encouraged by the weight I was losing, but I thought "well, then what? I keep losing weight, but the whole time I'm just dreaming about the food I can't eat? I can't do that forever." And that was right: you can't do that forever. But you don't. Over time you really do come to like the healthier stuff a lot more. The weird thing is, I knew this going in, but I didn't want to want the better stuff. Even the idea of losing the craving for bad food was depressing! Think about that. Think about how addicted to something you have to be not just to indulge it, but to not even want to get rid of the desire to indulge it.

If you keep pressing, though, you come out the other side. Now, the things I ate all the time while trying to lose weight almost feel like indulgences. On days where I'm actively trying to lose, almost everything I eat becomes delicious. I'm more interested in different foods, because not allowing myself to gorge means the flavor matters a lot more. I remember when I was younger and someone told me that fruit used to be a dessert. I thought that was nuts. Fruit, for dessert? Dessert is ice cream with chunks of Snickers in it, dude. Not a freakin' apple. But after awhile it starts to make sense: I've got an apple next to me right now, and when I eat it in a little bit it's going to taste very sweet.




Everyone's different, but for me, I replaced one addiction with another; the addiction of bad food was replaced with an addiction to the feeling I got when I stepped on that scale in the morning and saw it lower than the day before. Or when I realized something was too big to keep wearing and I had to buy something smaller. Or, best of all, when I finally went up to the attic and grabbed some old clothes I'd put away because they were too tight and found they fit again. Or even, yes, the ego-boosting replies you guys post when I talk about it, or when I see someone for the first time since the weight loss and they mention it. Though I try not to let that last one be too big a factor.

But that's how it goes: you can't just shame yourself for being fat. I don't think that works long-term, and even if it does, you're going to be miserable. You have to find good things you like more than bad food. Get addicted to those. I can't tell you the first one's free, but if you can get hooked on that, the positive addiction is going to beat the negative one, every time.



Over time you really do come to like the healthier stuff a lot more. The weird thing is, I knew this going in, but I didn't want to want the better stuff. Even the idea of losing the craving for bad food was depressing! Think about that. Think about how addicted to something you have to be not just to indulge it, but to not even want to get rid of the desire to indulge it.
Truth. People underestimate the power of addiction and you described exactly how deep those tendrils go.

The first time I worked hard to lose weight I took up running and Slim-Fast. Yes I yo-yo'd back afterward (Slim Fast, fugedaboudit), but gutting thru those runs.....running works if you want to lose weight faster. My trick was, since Im not an athlete, was to run as far as I could, then walk until I got my wind back, and then run as far as I could, then walk, and repeat. Every day I made a point to run further than the day before. It works. Run, not jog. Jogging shreds your knees.

My friend Fred and his brother pumped iron, and their Dad told me to do a push-up, and to always do an extra one each day. Doesnt matter if you can only do one, as long as the day after its two, and you never slide backwards in count. In Schwarzeneggers first autobiography "The Education Of A Bodybuilder" he emphasized the same principles, but said to execute the push-up, pull up, or whatever perfectly. Do it right once or not at all, but do one extra one each day.



10 years of excellence in denim
Diet Sun Drop is the #1 choice for sans-calorie soda. The down side is that it is never subsidized. Hard to pay $5+ when Mtn Dew is "on sale" for $2/12pk eury week.

I drink fast and diet sodas don't create the tummy terror that regular soda does.



I remember being called Miss Piggy once, but less face it: she's fierce!

__________________
There is no right or wrong. Not really. There is just the thing that you do.



Oh yeah, and the diet soda stuff is all true: you get used to it very quickly, and then the regular stuff tastes almost too sweet to enjoy.

That's a big one, because soda is high in calories, but unlike other things that are high in calories it doesn't fill you up, so you can just pour it in all day.



Setsuko Hara is my co-pilot
I'm overweight as well. 6.3 ft - 220 lbs, but I don't really care about losing weight and I'm too lazy to work out. I spend all my time sitting or laying and I don't do anything besides eating, watching films, studying and being an ass on MoFo. Nah, I'm exaggerating a bit.

I find what Zotis wrote kind of funny, because since he is skinny he doesn't like overweight women, I am kinda overweight and I don't like skinny women, so there's something in it. But in spite of what he is saying I could totally be in a relationship with a skinny woman if she was attractive and had cool personality.

By the way, by overweight I mean like 10-30 pounds more than 'average', not like 440 pounds in total. xD



Yeah, I mean, 220 really isn't a lot at that height. But one thing I'd really want to dispel (not that you were necessarily implying this!) is that you need to exercise to lose weight. You definitely don't, and from what I can tell it's really just for general health, and/or as an addition to eating healthier. Losing weight with exercise requires a ton of exercise. It's really about the diet.



Setsuko Hara is my co-pilot
I know it's about the diet, but when I used to live in another place and had to walk 5 km in total everyday, I was skinnier even though I ate exactly the same stuff. It is mainly about what you eat, but additional exercise (even if it's just walking) also seems to play some part.



Oh sure. That's an excellent habit, and if you're already not eating terribly it makes a big difference. When I was a lot heavier, though, for a long time I felt discouraged from even trying to lose weight because exercising regularly was so daunting. I wish I'd known then how little role that can play in losing weight.



I'm overweight as well. 6.3 ft - 220 lbs, but I don't really care about losing weight and I'm too lazy to work out. I spend all my time sitting or laying and I don't do anything besides eating, watching films, studying and being an ass on MoFo. Nah, I'm exaggerating a bit.

I find what Zotis wrote kind of funny, because since he is skinny he doesn't like overweight women, I am kinda overweight and I don't like skinny women, so there's something in it. But in spite of what he is saying I could totally be in a relationship with a skinny woman if she was attractive and had cool personality.

By the way, by overweight I mean like 10-30 pounds more than 'average', not like 440 pounds in total. xD
Actually it's kind of funny because I find women who are very skinny unattractive too. Like women who are as skinny as me. I find my own level of skinny unattractive. I don't want to be this skinny, I am just too lazy to eat enough. But it's something I'm working on and plan to change. I've started with overall discupline in areas like cooking, cleaning, and exercise.



I don't really have any fat stories. One time I did five pushups and I was sore the next day.
The only clothes that still fit me are my shoes.

I don't think I'm obese anymore but I'll ask my dr. next time I see him.



I've been debating on whether or not to respond in this thread. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to throw a pity party for myself but I'm not sure how to word what I have to say without that happening. I've also been debating about just how much to say.

It's funny that SC said (in the other thread) that he and a lot of people associate fat people with being "jolly." I don't make that connection at all. I associate obesity with depression, shame, and self-loathing. I make these associations because they've been my experience with it and also the experiences of the overweight people I've known IRL. Even the ones I've known that were amiable and laughed all the time turned out to be just putting up a facade when nobody else was around.

The root of my own problems are two fold -

I have struggled with depression most of my life (sometimes to the point of feeling suicidal) and since childhood I have turned to food as a coping mechanism for feelings of inadequacy, failure, and general stress. I know it's an unhealthy thing to do, but overcoming lifelong habits and conquering food addiction is no easy task, especially in a culture that is as food obsessed as ours. Dealing with depression also makes it difficult to find the motivation and willpower to get up and exercise and often my good intentions of getting moving more are never actualized.

I was also diagnosed with poly cystic ovary syndrome several years ago (which should have been diagnosed much sooner. I started noticing symptoms in my late teens, but willful ignorance, personal denial and a fear of doctors prevented that for quite awhile). Among the many other WONDERFUL things this ****ing disease does to my body, untreated PCOS causes weight gain and makes losing weight very difficult. It also pre-disposes affected women to diabetes and causes infertility, overproduction of male hormones, depression, thinning hair on the scalp, excess body hair, and acne. Its cause is not well known, but it tends to run in families and genetics are thought to play a role. (AFAIK, nobody on my dad's side of the family has it. My mom doesn't have it, but she was adopted so her family history is just one big question mark.)

I was a little overweight as a young child, though not obese. But that little bit of extra fat was certainly enough to attract bullies - from kids at school, kids in my neighborhood, and even from my own brother at home. My mother also very noticeably favored my brother over me when we were growing up, which just did wonders for my self esteem (our relationship is much better now though). When puberty hit, my weight really started to get out of control.

When I was a freshman in high school, I made the ill-advised decision to become a lacto-ovo vegetarian - which I continued to do until probably my mid twenties. A lot of very unhealthy, high carb foods are technically vegetarian and I ate them. Not only that, but I ate a lot of commercial meat substitutes - most of which contained soy. In moderation, soy can be a healthy protein source but soy contains phyto-estrogens which studies suggest can contribute to hormonal imbalances if too much is consumed.

When I finally got diagnosed at around age 29 or 30, I had ballooned to 243 pounds. My doctor prescribed a birth control medication that contained estrogen to counteract the hormonal imbalance from my PCOS, I was referred to a nutritionist who taught me how to diet by counting carbs (which meant eating five times a day - 3 meals containing 45-60 grams of carbs and 2 snacks containing 15-30 grams of carbs), and I quit taking the bus to work and started walking. I also started taking regular walks and going bowling every weekend - which meant walking about 2.5 miles from my house to the bowling alley, while carrying my 13 pound ball, my shoes, bottled water, snacks, etc, bowling 10 games, and then walking back home with all of my stuff. After about a year of this, I had shed over 50 lbs. I was feeling the best I'd felt in a very long time, both physically and emotionally.

Then some major bumps in the road happened and it really took the wind out of my sails. I usually only see my extended family on the holidays and I couldn't wait to show off my progress at the Thanksgiving family gathering. I'd been getting compliments from friends, neighbors, co-workers and clients at work all the time, but my family? Nobody said a word. It was really disheartening.

A few days after that, I was at home putting up Christmas decorations and decided to indulge in some pretty fattening Mexican food. Late that night I wound up in the ER in excruciating pain from a blocked bile duct due to gall stones. I was hospitalized for a few days, had surgery to remove my gall bladder, and then was unable to exercise while I recovered. A couple of weeks later, I ended up in even worse pain and was hospitalized again due to some sort of liver complication. Not long after that, I had to have one my cats put to sleep due to cancer and I fell back into a pretty bad depression. Over the next few years, other things in my personal life turned to **** and my depression got worse. As a result, I fell back into unhealthy eating habits, eventually quit bowling, and wasn't exercising much in general.

So I started putting weight back on, though didn't gain it all back. Eventually I was taken off of the birth control because I had developed high blood pressure which made it unsafe for me to continue taking estrogen due to the risk of stroke. So now here I am still struggling with depression and stress and trying to get the weight back off, but am finding it really hard to do so now that I'm not getting any treatment for my PCOS. I tried Weight Watchers for awhile but saw only a little success and a lot of frustration and cost.

To further complicate matters, I've very recently been diagnosed with diabetes, which until this moment is something I have only told my coworkers about. I'm struggling with a lot of feelings of shame over having allowed this to happen but I'm also trying very hard to get back on the road to health. I'm on medications for it, as well as for my blood pressure, and will soon be meeting with a nutritionist again to learn how to better manage my blood sugar. I've also been eating smaller portions, more vegetables, leaner protein, drinking more water, and exercising more but I'm struggling to figure out the right balance of food and exercise. I've ended up overdoing the exercise a few times, resulting in hypoglycemic episodes which are both frightening and dangerous. My first appointment with the nutritionist is tomorrow. So fingers crossed I can get and keep this under control.

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text.



Damn Vicky. That is brutal, and Im truly sorry youve gone thru and go thru that.



Stories about long-term illnesses always make me kind of angry because they're so unfair. I sincerely hope this new opportunity can be the turnaround that finally makes things gradually better for you.

Good luck, Miss Vicky!
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Cobpyth's Movie Log ~ 2019



Vicky the overall health problems youve had to go thru....... I would encourage visiting a doctor of general holistic medicine. Its not all about Massage, and Acupuncture.....thats just scratching the surface on how holistic medicine can improve your entire health and well being, not just weight like a nutritionist.



Originally Posted by Miss Vicky
It's funny that SC said (in the other thread) that he and a lot of people associate fat people with being "jolly." I don't make that connection at all. I associate obesity with depression, shame, and self-loathing.
I don't go around looking at every fat person and think, "I just KNOW she's jolly!" But I have heard of a stereotype that says fat people are happy, or will do and say things that will cheer you up. It might come from Santa Claus. And actually, apparently -- this is something I'm seeing while Googling -- apparently the obesity gene makes you happier. That's what I'm reading here.

There's apparently a bunch of fat comedians. Honeykid -- who you all think is funny -- revealed to me that he's fat. I myself have gotten fatter in years. I don't really think of myself as fat, but people who used to know the super skinny old me have come up to me and said, "YOU. ARE. FAT!" I certainly would like to weigh less than I do. I definitely do not have the indifferent, nonchalant attitude a lot of other guys do with food -- "I don't really need it." I like food! I'm finishing up a thick, chocolate milkshake right now. Food can make you feel balanced. It can alter your mood for the better (and sometimes for the worse).

And I think fat can even be sexy. I do not belong to the camp that says fat is unattractive. In fact, in my honest opinion, I think men PREFER fat people. I think men like the extra meat. I honestly think super skinny bitches act horrified of fat women out of jealousy. Jealousy! It's a conspiracy -- they fat shame to give themselves a false superiority. They've created a world that says being a twig is the sexiest look you could attain, but it's lies -- all lies. So I say to fat people -- look -- you hold the power. Excess is good. Excess means you've got the access to the food supply and all that. You could be starving somewhere in Africa, but instead, you've got the grub.

And I must say -- without this hopefully getting weird:



Chris (Yoda) was hot as Hell as a fat guy.

If that's his least flattering photo ever, I'm jealous. I wish that was my least flattering photo. Maybe we ought to change user names. He can be Sexy Celebrity, I'll be Yoda. I deserve it -- I'm much smarter than him, anyway.



He cute. I must say -- I think he looks good.



Originally Posted by Sexy Celebrity
in my honest opinion, I think men PREFER fat people. I think men like the extra meat. I honestly think super skinny bitches act horrified of fat women out of jealousy. Jealousy!
Smooth move, Sherlock. You have it in for Watson?



And then I simply decided to stop being fat.
This might sound overly simplistic but it is a gold nugget of truth. The mental aspect is so much of it. It's so weird. Just deciding something is now "this way" and so many other aspects just fall into line.



This might sound overly simplistic but it is a gold nugget of truth. The mental aspect is so much of it. It's so weird. Just deciding something is now "this way" and so many other aspects just fall into line.
Yeah, I agree.

I want to clarify that "just decide to stop being fat" is not meant to suggest there are not sometimes things well beyond mere choice that make it difficult or, in very rare cases, close to impossible. The thing I actually wanted/want to get across is t hat weight loss is not accompanied by some seminal life event or perfect circumstances or anything like that. The choice becomes the seminal life moment.

There was absolutely nothing special about the day I decided to do this, except for it being the day I decided it. If someone's waiting for things to line up (new job, new house, kids growing up, whatever) to do something like this, I think they'll usually be waiting forever. And it won't take, because if that's what's necessary to change a diet it'll fall away even after an initial success/loss if it can't withstand life's random stresses and curveballs.