You know what? I really wish people wouldnt pretend they didnt (or wont) wig our about turning 30 - at the time, at the very least. I consider myself pretty down to earth, and frankly - the idea of turning 30 hasnt been something that truly bothered me. Until about now, actually.
Unfortunately, quite a few of my friends turn 30 this year as well. One in particular (lets call her, oh... "Diva no. 1") decided that to mark the occasion, she would fly in her friends from all over the country and celebrate her 30th in the same fashion as very wealthy people celebrate their...well.....wedding receptions. Complete with required reservations, etc! Her mother (who is a wedding planner in our circles) told me in passing to make sure we all made the RSVP list to be allowed to come. I wont suggest that we are close - in youth there was no love lost between us girls and them girls. These days, we are .... fondly acquainted (fond being arms length). Most of our friends are mutual, and since we've known each other since grade school, me and all my sisters were invited. Ok. I'll give them that they know how party - so it goes without saying that we were all angling to make it. Somehow, I failed to make the RSVP by the date - ok, actually I was puking up my guts/not going out of the house sick, and completely forgot to "officially" call and RSVP - nevermind that I specifically told the mom IN PERSON that we'd be there. By the time the party rolls around, none of us really want to go, but I've told the mom we'd come, though I havent officially RSVP'd. So the sisters make me check to make sure we arent standing anyone up if we dont go, and that we arent crashing if we do go.
So, I contact the little sister (let's call her Diva #2) who is in all actuality my little sisters age, which approx 1.4yrs younger than me and her older sister Diva #1. Long story short, Little Diva #2 tells me she checked with her mother, and that we're not on the list and shouldnt come. Cool? Cool - everyone's happy, no one's pissed. On the day of the party, hours in advance of it starting, the mom calls everyone of us, telling us that we totally couldve come, and please come. Bottom line, we're all still sick, so we dont go.
To top it all off, Diva's 1 & 2 then cruise the world for a ridiculous length of time, and come back regaling us all with the story.
So basically.......she married herself, had the reception, and then the honeymoon. Only thing she's missing is the man!
Now I have any number of our friends calling me and asking me what I am going to do for my 30th. Good GOD!
Top that off, no less than 6 of my friends got married this year, and a 7th is now engaged and working her way to the altar faster then he can (literally) build their house.
I am actually happy for all of my recently married friends, and in truth, I dont begrudge the Diva #1 for her gift to herself. She's actually become a nicer person, and this is nothing new for he - its just the person she is and how she does things. But the bottom line is that it doesnt make it any easier for me, or the rest of us. All it did was narrow down the scrutiny to a greater focal point, and up the pressure. You know. The Pressure.
Then it went from bad to worse. The little sister, Diva #2, turns 29 this year, and in October. We often discuss how our birthdays are in the same month. So now, not to be outdone by her sister, she goes and plans a ridiculously large party for herself to celebrate her "last year in her 20s"
, when we all know with that family, she's going to be celebrating her 30th as well.
The kicker? She planned her bash on my actual birthday.
And invited every single one of our mutual friends. Except me, I mean. Yep. That's the thing. I'm a forgiving person, and I wanted to believe that it was a minor oversight, but the planning of her "29th" on my "30th" and the systematic invitation to every single person in our circle, save me or my sisters was a slap in the face. Then she goes and says "if she forgot anyone" the invited people can invite others, so in this way, she can continue to be considered a nice person.
And she did this in early September, so since I hadnt planned anything yet, every single one of our friends accepted.
You know. I'm a firm believer that a person can choose to be or not be offended, specifically when someone is intending to offend them. You can walk away. I can be an impulsive person, but my sisters told me to walk away, so I walked away. In order to preserve our friendship, I pretended that I didnt get it, and to this day we still chat as if nothing is a problem.
Cool, right? Not cool. She then goes on Facebook and openly puts as her status that as of October 1, she is celebrating her birthday, all month long. (Of this, I am a fan, and I do it often, so that's not the problem.) She then goes on to publicly say that "someone" came to her and asked her (jokingly, I suppose), whether or not other people could manage to get their real birthdays out of the way before she trampled all over them and made the month about herself. She went to say, in so many words: "ABSOLUTELY NOT. ITS ABOUT ME."
So that's where I am. Pressured, contemplative, and a little pissed off.
Pressured because my friends are accomplishing life steps that I havent, and I can feel the scrutinizing (or, egads pitying?) eyes of everyone tsk, tsking over me.
Contemplative, because I'm not sure how I feel about this milestone - ambivalent, really, and so I'm not yet sure how I want to celebrate it: quietly, or with a bash.
Pissed. REALLY pissed, because, maybe I am slow about it, but I would have liked to have had the opportunity to choose for myself how I wanted to bring in 30 - and now its been chosen for me. I get to celebrate my 30th watching a friend celebrate her 29th, and you know what? She's going to do the same thing next year ANYWAY. (I'm actually not that pathetic, and am going to do my own thing, but now, because of her, I'll no other friends in attendance.)
It all makes 30 suck that much the more. For me, it is a year that will go down obscurity, and in what seems these days to be the perpetual shadow of others. And while I realize that others have to have their day in the sun (and I have enough humility to know this is only right), since I'm taking stock of my life so far, I have to ask myself if this isnt the story of my life? To be disrespected, shoved aside and trampled on by others?
The adage for Mack, at 30:
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Some people would sum it up in two words.
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