akatemple of reviews

Bellflower (2011)
Directed by: Evan Glodell
Written by: Evan Glodell

Woodrow (Evan Glodell) and Aiden (Tyler Dawson) have been best friends since growing up in Wisconsin where their favorite movie was Mad Max and they watched it until they became obsessed with how they will survive after the apocalypse. Now they live in California where they spend their time building flame throwers and trying to build their own Mad Max car Medusa. Out at a bar one night the two guys meet Milly and Courtney, Milly get’s in a competition with Woodrow to see who can eat the most live grasshoppers, I was immediately hooked at this point. Woodrow and Milly begin to spend most of their time together thus making Aiden jealous and throwing a wrench in their plans to finish building there post apocalyptic devices. After some relationship issues and an extended stay in the hospital Woodrow and Aiden start drinking heavily, that is more than the already heavy drinking in the first half of this movie.




From this point on starts a chain reaction of some very psychotic, self-destructive, disturbing, and depressing actions that are just so awesome. There are some crazy twists in this movie that I did not see coming, I really loved this movie because I could identify with some of the characters, I have been waiting to see this ever since I randomly stumbled upon the trailer and it didn’t disappoint me.

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Norwegian Ninja (2010)
Directed by: Thomas Cappelen Malling
Written by: Thomas Cappelen Malling

What the hell, the movie is called "Norwegian Ninja." It takes one of the largest political scandals in Norwegian history and writes an alternate, and absolutely lunatic, version of actual events. However, I'm afraid some of the humor and satire might be lost in the translation for overseas audiences as we may not be particularly familiar with the source material, I know that I did not get much of the comedy, Norwegian comedy?. If you are expecting non-stop fighting and comic mayhem due to the "Ninja" in the title, you'll likely be disappointed by the non combatant way of the film. The movie plays more as an outlandish spy spoof than as an action epic. And the film's humor doesn't rely so much on jokes or pranks but on an absurd hyper-reality.



Mixing newsreel footage and fake educational films with the central narrative, "Norwegian Ninja" starts off with the capture of a high ranking diplomat spy. Based on the real life incident in 1984, It seems so according to first time filmmaker Thomas Cappelen Malling. Malling builds an elaborate world that includes international intrigue, secret plots, and an island paradise inhabited by an elite team of ninjas. It's all very cheesy, by design, capturing the feel of early era Bond with unusual contraptions, gadgets, and a flying car or two. This just reeked of a really bad late 70’s early 80’s very low budget action film, I really don’t know what to make of this movie except that I did not really care for it, but someone else might.

Breathing Room (2008)
Directed by: John Suits and Gabriel Cowan
Written by: Gabriel Cowan and John Suits

Thrown naked into a room with 13 strangers making Tonya (Ailsa Marshall) number 14, apparently the last person and the one they’ve been waiting for to start the game. None of the 14 can remember how they got there and there are no obvious connections between any of them, the one thing they all do have in common is not knowing what is going on or how to escape. There are clues hidden all over the room (very large room) and finding them and interpreting them is very important, the only problem with that is that you can’t trust anyone because not everyone is what they seem. There are lots of rules posted throughout the room such as, wash your hands, do not step over this line, anyone who breaks these rules are killed. Everyone has a leash around there neck and one of the main rules is that you cannot adjust your own collar, but if you don’t have a collar then the rules do not apply to you. Out of the 14 starters the number starts to dwindle down quite quickly from the start, each time the lights go out someone dies, is it someone in the room or someone entering under cover of darkness.



About halfway through they find a clue that sais there are three bad people in the room, a pedophile, a serial killer and a rapist, this is what starts the paranoia. Trying to track down the bad 3 in a room full of let’s say 14 is not an easy thing to do, and it is very interesting who is who. There are weapons in the room such as a gun with no bullets and a hammer, also some alcohol, there are others who have bullets, lighters, key’s, and clues but no one is willing to share because everyone is paranoid of what the other people might be.
This is a very low budget film of 25,000 dollars and it is painfully obvious as in the collars being made out of the tie downs you use on car hoses, the acting is good but the set is horrible. This could have been a great movie if it had more money thrown into it, but it is still a pretty good thriller regardless. The twists that happen are great and you don’t see them coming, the ending is awesome, another twist in the story that throws you for one. I would recommend watching this movie, it is good but could have been great if they had more money (or talent) to throw into this movie.

By the way, great thread, thanks for bringing to my attention some horror I've never heard of that looks good.

Also, wanted to mention how pleased I was to read your review of Conan's doc. It was so much fun, absolutely wonderful, and a must for anyone who likes him.

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#31 on SC's Top 100 Mofos list!!

Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War (2004)
Directed by: Je-gyu Kang
Written by: Je-gyu Kang and Sang-don Kim

Jin-tae is a street smart shoe shiner who also works odd jobs to help his younger brother Jin-seok to study and go to college to be the savior of their very poor family, Jin-seok is the smart one in the family on his way to university and a much better life. The joy of this South Korean family fills the screen for the first moments of the film, only to change abruptly on June 25, 1950 when suddenly the North Koreans attack at the 38th parallel, forcing communism and death down the throats of the South Koreans. Jin-seok get’s drafted the South Korean way by being put into the back of a truck and being told you are going to fight, older brother Jin-tae forces himself into a situation where he will be drafted so he can look after and make sure his younger brother is safe. The degree of honor and camaraderie amongst the entire South Korean platoon, and especially between the two brothers is a very touching and emotional element portrayed in this film. Jin-tae makes a deal with his CO that if he can get a medal that they will discharge his brother, Jin-tae becomes obsessed with killing and volunteering for every suicidal mission that comes up. This leads to a rift between the two brothers, the younger not wanting the older to take care of him, and thinking that all the killing is starting to affect him in a very bad way.



The remainder of the film explores the progress of this war with great detail, visually depicting the atrocities of war more brutally than any other war film that I have ever seen. But overriding the visuals of the war is the relationship of the two brothers and what they go through to stay together to try and make it back to their mother and Jin-tae’s fiancé. The ending to this movie is great and I have to admit that this goes on the very short list of movies I have cried at the end of.



There are very few films that I am familiar with about the Korean war, I believe that this movie did it justice in the way of showing all the brutality and the way people can turn on each other under those types of situations. This film has all violence and limbs being blown everywhere as Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, and Hamburger Hill combined. If you like war movies then you have to watch this, I have never seen a movie of that genre that can compare.

^ One of the best Korean movies ever! I would give it a 4/5. Have you seen Memories of Murder? It's like a Korean Se7en.. you should check that out.

Thanks it sounds great, I just put it on the top of the Netflix queue.

Also, if I've not recommended it to you already, take a look at The Chaser.

The director is Bong Joon-ho, who also directed the excellent 'Mother (2009)' Anyway, great review!

Ach I've got this sitting around somewhere, been meaning to get to it. Cool review

On the Korean divide front I'd also recommend JSA by Chan-wook 'Oldboy' Park. Different vibe by the sound of it, but an intriguing take on more modern repercussions.

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Thirst (2009)
Directed by: Chan-wook Park
Written by: Chan-wook Park and Emile Zola

Sang Hyun (Kang-ho Song) is a Catholic priest who volunteers in a local hospital. He provides last rites when necessary as well emotional support to its patients. Father Hyun is well-respected but he secretly suffers from emotions that can be defined as doubt, as he witnesses the suffering going on around him. Yet, he cherishes life, so he volunteers to take part in an experiment to eradicate the lethal EV virus, which is a threat to every Caucasian and Asian male. Father Hyun becomes stricken with the deadly virus and a blood transfusion is ordered up for him to save his life; in turn he becomes the first survivor of the deadly virus and some folks begin to regard him as a saint. But soon after his new lease on life, Hyun finds out that the blood he had received is infected and he is now living as a vampire and only the consumption of human blood can stave off the virus.



Father Hyun struggles with his new found desire for blood, and now also, his faith is put to the test when a childhood friend's wife, Tae-Ju (Kim Ok-Vin) comes to him to escape her horrible life. Sang-Hyun becomes overwhelmed as he plunges deep within the world of physical and sexual desires. The vampirism as seen by Park's rendition does have similarities to the established myths about vampires; vulnerability to sunlight, superhuman strength and speed, with a strong need for human blood--curiously this vampire does not grow fangs. Hyun becomes a compelling character as we see him torn between the need to survive while avoiding the need to kill. Hyun resorts to slowly drinking the blood from comatose patients in the hospital (but never killing them) and people who wish to commit suicide. Tae-Ju is one imbalanced woman who is manipulative of any situation. She seduces the kindly priest and manipulates him into believing that she is an abused wife, she is a woman torn between being dependent on her and the need to be free. The sex scenes between Kang-Ho and Ok-Vin are quite erotically creepy at times, and very graphic, comparable to some Japanese ultra-gore films. This film is funny, bizarre, and gritty. There is one very bizarre scene when Hyun and Tae-ju is having sex, with a vision of Tae-ju's dead husband sandwiched between them because of the guilt of murdering him. If you are a fan of Vampire films and would like to see a different take on the genre they you should watch this movie.

My Date with Drew (2004)
Directed by: Jon Gunn and Brian Herzlinger

Brian (honeykid's evil twin) wins 1100 dollars on a game show and decides to use that money to make his dreams come true by getting a date with Drew Barrymore. They have 30 days to do this due to financial issues, they go to Circuit City and buy the most expensive video camera they have because they can return it within 30 days and get their money back. After the camera starts the endless amounts of phone calls trying to track down someone who knows someone who might in some way be able to contact Drew and let her know about this documentary and hopefully agree to be part of it. Somehow they actually get in touch with and get interviews with John August (writer of Charlie’s Angels), Corey Feldman, and Eric Roberts but none of them can offer any advice or any way of getting in contact with Drew.



Finally they get the idea to put up a website about their documentary and do a radio interview to promote the site, unfortunately the site crashes 10 minutes before the interview. 30 days go by without anything, they leave the website up and running and on day 87 they get a call that gets the documentary back up and running after going to a different Circuit City and doing the whole 30 day transaction all over again. The movie has a happy ending and a pretty straight forward message throughout the whole movie which is to never give up on something you want. Seriously HK this is like a video tutorial for how to meet Drew Barrymore.

Would have gotten a higher rating but the main guy Brian just bugged me, he was such a spaz about everything IMO.

Yes, but it's only going to work once and it already has.

I quite liked him actually, which I'll admit surprised me. There again, I probably saw a lot of myself in him. He only bugged me twice. Firstly, when you find out that HE'D ALREADY HAD THE CHANCE TO MEET HER AND BLEW IT!!! And, then again, WHEN HE BLOWS IT AGAIN!! Honestly, I think I was shouting at the screen "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO MEET HER!" while punching the sofa in frustration. *Don't worry, I'm already medicated and under psychiatric supervision. *

Also, this is how to do it when you have 'friends in the biz' as, let's face it, while he's a complete outsider and on the extreme fringes of Hollywood, it's not like you or I (well, I certainly can't) can ask our friends if any of their movie friends knows anyone who could introduce us to Drew Barrymore.

The Perfect Host (2010)
Directed by: Nick Tomnay
Written by: Nick Tomnay and Krishna Jones

John Taylor (Clayne Crawford who in my opinion looks just like a young Ray Liotta) has just robbed a bank and gotten away with 300,000 dollars, when he limps into a convenience store to get some bandages for his foot (I don’t think it ever shows how he hurt his foot) he catches a glimpse of himself on TV and realizes that there is a citywide search out for him, he has to find a place to lay low for a while. John abandons his car and starts walking through a random neighborhood, he finds a mailbox with a postcard inside, the postcard is from the residents’ daughter who is on vacation in Australia. When John knocks on the door you get your first look at Warwick (David Hyde Pierce), John pretends he is a friend of his daughter in Australia and tells Warwick that she told him that he should look up her father when he got back in town. Warwick invites John inside to stay for a little bit, in the beginning Warwick comes off as a very accommodating host offering wine and snacks to his guest so he basically plays his character Niles from Frasier with the same mannerisms and everything (but just in the beginning). A radio broadcast about the robbery makes John stop pretending, and starts getting violent and letting Warwick know who he really is. After John passes out from a few glasses of wine is when the movie really get’s interesting. I am not sure how much I want to say without giving away to much for someone who has not seen this.




I really was only familiar with David Hyde Pierce from the Frasier sitcom (I looked up some info on him and he’s mainly just done a ton of voice over’s and other smaller TV sitcom’s), his character in this movie after the twists start happening is amazing. He plays a character that in my opinion could come really close to competing with Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lamb’s, the sick and psychotic way that he acts and thinks in this film just blew me away. I kind of knew what this film was about before I watched it but there are just so many twists, you see a few of them coming but the really huge twists in the story I did not see coming at all and it just blew me away. This movie is great, watch this movie if you have not already, an awesome Psychological Thriller with minimal blood, so it’s great for people that don’t like all the gore.

The Final (2010)
Directed by: Joey Stewart
Written by: Jason Kabolati

The Final is a story about 5 high school kids (Dane being the main character) who get harassed on a daily basis by the jocks and popular kids, the bullying has been going on for so long and gotten so severe that the 5 have had enough and gotten to a point where they cannot take it anymore. Dane and his four friends are all avid horror movie fans and have devised a plan to throw a fake party, drug everyone, and torture them as payback for all the harassment that they have had to endure. Their plan is not to kill them but to inflict pain and punishment on them so they will know what it’s like to be “different”. That is pretty much the plot, there are some minor things that shake stuff up towards the end, but this is a story that’s all too familiar in the news in this day and age, Bully picks on boy and boy does something stupid to hurt, scare, kill the bully. From watching the trailer I had high expectations going into this and was disappointed, there is a huge buildup with the bully’s picking on the weaker boys and you find yourself wanting the bullies to get what is coming to them.



That is where the disappointment comes in, the revenge they get is just boring, it is all stuff you have seen if you have watched a few horror films, nothing really new was thrown in. The acting was what you get when you have bullies playing the stereotypical bullies and the weaker kids playing the stereotypical nerd, goth, foreigner. Oh and the all too familiar “Mean Girls” that say stuff like “We are going to be the hottest bitches at the party”, it’s just all been done before. If you are looking for a weak revenge flick where bullies get some weak torture and you see the ending coming a mile away then go for it.

The Rig (2010)
Directed by: Peter Atencio
Written by: Scott Martin and C.W. Fallin

While starting a new drill line into the bottom of the ocean the drill bit hits some kind of unknown pocket and wakes something up that has been unseen up till now. With a hurricane coming oil rig C is evacuated except for all vital personnel, that leaves 9 people on the rig to ride out the storm. The killing off of the crew starts quick and in such a generic way with some blood splashing on the window or on a wall, this was obviously a very low budget film. More and more start dropping dead until just 2 crew members are left, the communication is down (of course) and there is no way off of the rig, also no weapon except one gun with a few bullets and then it’s just using pipes to try and beat up the monsters. About the monsters, they really reminded me a lot of the Morlocks from The Time Machine (1960), yep this was low budget and not in a fun way just in a really bad attempt at making a horror film. Just do yourself a favor and don’t watch this movie.

To spare everyone's eyes from having to see the horrible images from this movie I thought I would put some of the original art from the book on here instead.



The Three Investigators And The Secret of Skeleton Island (2007)
Directed by: Florian Baxmeyer
Written by: Philip Lazebnik and Thomas Oliver Walendy

I grew up reading the Alfred Hitchcock and the Three Investigator series even though they were all released in the 60’s and early 70’s which is a bit before I was born. I still read these books to this day, they are great, you can easily finish one or two in a day, they are cheesy and corny but still my favorite books ever. I found out that they had made two of the books into movies, Skeleton Island and Terror Castle, it has taken me forever to get hold of a copy of this movie, and it hurts me to say that it sucks it just plain old sucks.



There are your three main characters in any Three Investigators story, Jupiter Jones, Bob Andrews and Pete Crenshaw, these three are described over and over again at the beginning of every book, the cast in the movie is entirely wrong and they just make the characters look like a bunch of prepubescent dumbasses. In the book the characters are 14 – 15 years old and the story is set on or before the years that the books were written (1960-197?), so taking the nice story from 50 years ago and putting it in the present day was just one of the worst mistakes they could have made. Half of the fun of the books were the cool gadgets they would make with spare parts, stuff that was not easy for kids to afford or maybe even get their hands on at that time but in the movie they have modern day gadgets which takes away a lot of the stuff I enjoyed while reading the books.



Now just about the story of the Secret of Skeleton Island, the part I liked best about the book was the haunted merry go round and all the spooky stuff that was scaring off the workers from building the amusement park on Skeleton Island, yeah forget that it is not in the movie at all in fact there are no ghosts or haunted anything. 90 percent of this movie does not even take place on the Island, when these books were made the three boys still thought that girls had cooties but in the movie they threw in a romantic interest for the boys it's just wrong. Even though this is just so bad I am still going to try and find the next one which is The secret of Terror Castle, but anyone who is normal should just not watch this movie, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.

very cool

Great review, Pierce gave the best performance I've seen of him and despite the film taking odd turns near the end I also enjoyed it. It's more of a for me though.

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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews

Attack the Block (2011)
Directed by: Joe Cornish
Written by: Joe Cornish

I started watching this movie thinking that it was just going to be another clichéd alien invasion movie, but it definitely is not, the director did not go the safe way with using the boring kids from the American suburbia but instead used a bit more rough group of kids. Beginning of the movie starts out with aliens crashing into one of what I am guessing is a pretty bad part of London and start converging on one particular ‘council block’ I am guessing in America that would be what we would call ‘low income housing’. The council block in question is home for a street gang of young thugs who make up most of the main characters in the film, the movie does not waste any time and the movie quickly evolves into a fight for survival as the thugs try to evade/kill the aliens attacking “their block” especially when it becomes increasingly obvious that the aliens are coming after them in particular. The aliens in this movie are not the cute and curious type nor are they the super soldier with amazing technology variety. They are not here to make contact, or to study us, and definitely not trying to take over the world, they are here for a reason but I cannot give that away without spoiling the movie for people who have not seen it yet.



The aliens are done in an interesting way in that less is more, they are so black that they are almost invisible seeing how this whole movie was at night or in dark hallways and rooms. They have teeth and eyes that glow a very nice shade of blue, when there is only one on the screen it is nothing special but when there are twenty in one hallway then it becomes a very cool looking affect. The kids in this movie are your tuff young gang members who swear and smoke pot, they do not play it safe. There are parts of the movie that gives you a glimpse into the kids and their hard edges and street tough swagger, but it also lets you see that they are still just kids when it comes down to it. I really liked the little side story surrounding the pre-teen baby thug wannabees, they keep trying to join up with the older boys insisting that they be called Probs and Mayhem, but are always told to leave and go home. I really like the line from the exasperated Probs when he sais to Mayhem "No one is going to call you Mayhem if you keep acting like such a pussy!” The two pre-teens do actually have a very nice moment in the movie where they are very helpful to the cause of killing aliens.



I as an American had to use subtitles to watch this movie and still a lot of the time had no idea what they were talking about or what the words meant, but that is a very small complaint and does not get in the way of the story. I thought it was funny that they put Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead) as the stoner with the weed room, which is the referred to in the movie as Fort Knox because it is the most secure room in the building for the boys to take cover in from the aliens. This was a good movie, not great but I would say it is worth watching if your into SciFi movies, if you are looking for a gorefest then you will have to look somewhere else.